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  #1  
Old 01-16-2012, 08:58 PM
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Anyone choose to have just one child?

DH and I always talked about having two kids. Since we were older when we started, we planned to start the adoption process over again when our first child turned one. Peanut will be one in three weeks! We talked today, and both of us feel that we're happy with one child. We told our attorney, who occasionally gets calls about baby born situations, and another friend who, through her work, occasionally knows about baby born situations as well, to keep us in mind (we'd talked with them both a few months ago.) today we decided that we're not going to go through an agency or actively seek out a situation, but if one comes to us we'll consider at that time what is right for our family.

I was just wondering if anyone else chose to have just one child, and if so, do you regret it?
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  #2  
Old 01-16-2012, 10:39 PM
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My DH and I are talking about hoping for a special needs child through foster care, maybe older child.

I guess the private adoption thing was a rough journey for us and we now have our baby. We still think we want another child though, we might just foster and see where it leads. We have a few friends who are foster parents and it seems to be a challange we are up to.

Only you and your husband know how your family feels complete. I personally would want more than one child.

We now have a 18 yr old, 15yr old and 2 mo. old~ I am hoping for two more, I think DH is hoping for one more. We'll see, we are getting older also.
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  #3  
Old 01-17-2012, 07:05 AM
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Sometimes.

My son just turned 4. We tried to adopt again when he was 2, but our FFA stopped their adoptions program 8 months into our wait - after we had been shuffled from SW to SW. We were getting older and my partner decided she didn't want to start the homestudy process over again in order to switch to the county or another FFA. So we just have one.

In some ways, it's a good thing. Public schools here are terrible, so educating our son is going to be pricy. That would be a significant stressor if we had two. And the three of us are really pretty companionable. We can take trips and do things with one that we probably couldn't with two. So I'm very happy with our little family. But in a perfect world, I'd love to have two kids. But it is what it is, and I don't dwell on it.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:16 AM
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We chose to have just one child. DS is now 4, and I guess we are keeping it at 'one' for several reasons. One child is a lot more portable than two or more when it comes to activities such as skiing, backpacking etc. We both work and the cost of daycare/preschool, for a good one is outrageous and don't really want to do that for 5 more years. With having one, we can afford to build a collage fund for him and save for retirement. So I guess I a listing a lot of financial reasons. But also, while our adoption experience was relatively fast and smooth compared to some I have read about. IT was still hugely energy draining and I don't really want to do it again.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:45 AM
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I grew up with siblings, but, DH was an only child, and he hated it.

When we looked at having children, we decided that we wanted at least two. I always wanted 4. lol

Our first adoption was very quick...only waited a couple of months. Our second took close to 5 years. Our third was very quick, as was our fourth.

For us, we were going to do everything in our power so that our oldest would not grow up alone.

My cousin is an only child. She also hated it, and still does. Not that we have children so they can take care of us, but, with her parents aging, all responsibility falls on her.

It's a very personal thing. There is no right or wrong answer...you have to do what is best for you.
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Old 01-17-2012, 08:17 AM
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We initially chose to have 2. But after the finalization settled, having one seems to make sense. I don't plan to adopt another at this point
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Old 01-17-2012, 08:43 AM
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This is much the way I'm feeling about it... although I do dwell/stress about it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by OakShannon
Sometimes.

My son just turned 4. We tried to adopt again when he was 2, but our FFA stopped their adoptions program 8 months into our wait - after we had been shuffled from SW to SW. We were getting older and my partner decided she didn't want to start the homestudy process over again in order to switch to the county or another FFA. So we just have one.

In some ways, it's a good thing. Public schools here are terrible, so educating our son is going to be pricy. That would be a significant stressor if we had two. And the three of us are really pretty companionable. We can take trips and do things with one that we probably couldn't with two. So I'm very happy with our little family. But in a perfect world, I'd love to have two kids. But it is what it is, and I don't dwell on it.
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  #8  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:17 AM
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I think this a very personal decision with a lot of factors involved. WHATEVER decision you reach, there is no wrong choice.

For us, we always wanted more than one child. In our teenage years we were thinking 3-5! Well, life had other plans (which I am mostly okay with!). We did want to have two though. DS will be a great big brother. He has looked wistfully at other sibling pairs when camping, etc. and asked for a sibling. We love playing with him, but there are also benefits to having a sibling to play with. There is a a lot about life that can be learned when negotiating a sibling relationship- giving, sharing, cooperation, respect. And lastly, we will never understand DS's adoption experience through his eyes, but together the two of them will have something "in common" that perhaps they can lean on each other and share with each other in way that is good. We don't really know, but having each other may be a connection that is grounding and safe. I have always been aware that I won't live forever and I find comfort in knowing they have each other as family.

Many of my reasons are just thoughts and feelings. There is no crystal ball to know how life will turn out. I think as you ponder this choice, you know what is right for you, your relationship, your child and so on. There is no wrong or right answer.
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  #9  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:20 AM
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We only have 1 right now...and as you can tell by my signature, it's not for lack of trying to have a 2nd.
I desperately want a 2nd, DH it depends on the day, honestly. He's so burned by the failed placement and failed relative adoption from this past year he's happy as a family of 3 for now. I hate the idea of S being an only. I have cousins who were only children who hated it, even though we all come from a huge family and all us cousins played together every weekend. We live several states away from my family so S doesn't have the cousins to play with all the time, and DH's family doesn't really have little ones for her to play with nearby either. So long story short, we are a family of 3 for now, hoping to have another but don't know if/when it will happen for financial & emotional reasons.
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  #10  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:24 AM
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We already have 2 - but are struggling with the decision to add one more. Part of us really believe that one more is out there to complete our family - but being parents to the two we have and the magic that is this family is going to be hard to change. We were approached yesterday for 3 different profiles (more boys and twins). If we want to say yes to any of them they will be ours within weeks. And if we say no - there will be another line of others to consider. How do we say no to all children forever?

Like I said - this is a struggle.

I wish you all the best in your decision.
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  #11  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:33 AM
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vernellinnj vernellinnj is offline
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It will probably be one for me but I have mixed emotions about it. As a PP said, when your parents are aging or pass away no one knows that feeling like a sibling. I have so many friends who are dealing with parent health issues as well as raising kids. If they didn't have siblings I don't know how they would keep their sanity. I have 2 sisters and we really are there for each other (and were for our parents too). It's a tough decision. I would hate for my son to be all alone. Interestingly enough, I take a wierd sort of comfort in knowing he's adopted and may have extended family out there who he'll come to know and love.
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  #12  
Old 01-17-2012, 10:19 AM
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I agree with what has been posted...there is no right or wrong answer. Family size is a very personal decision. Our personal story....my husband and I married very young...he wanted one, I wanted 3 and we ended up with 5 biological children and are now adopting a 6th You gotta take life as it comes and what you may feel in a couple of years may be the same...or it may be very different.
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  #13  
Old 01-17-2012, 02:06 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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I need to add though... just because some people hated being a single child doesn't mean that everyone who grew up with siblings was happy about it either! The singleton kids I knew just spent a lot of time with their friends instead of their siblings (and frankly... all the ones I know who had siblings were mostly fighting with them anyway). You just never know if they'll be close or not...

If we hadn't got twins, we would have stopped at one, because there's no way we could have afforded adoption twice. And yes, I'm pretty much stuck at home for a few years still, because working wouldn't make any sense as we would spend more in daycare. And with just the price of preschool (and a cheap one) I'm still frankly not sure how people afford more than two children.

And yes... it's so much easier to do things with one. And you can save for college, you only have to buy 3 seats if you're flying somewhere... heck sometimes I'm jealous because one of my friends is always out doing things with her kid, things I could never do alone with twins (swim lessons and other stuff). There are definitely advantages to having a singleton.
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  #14  
Old 01-17-2012, 02:30 PM
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We currently have one daughter who is 4 years old. DH and I could never agree on how many kids we wanted, but we always said that we would never have an only child. Well, it now looks like that just might happen. DD's birth mom is pregnant again and considering placing with us, but if she doesn't then we are done.
I believe there are pros and cons to both sides, but we're happy with what we have. If K places again, we'll be excited and eagerly welcome this baby into our family. However, if she parents this time, we'll be happy for her and continue to enjoy our family of three.
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Old 01-17-2012, 02:34 PM
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Very good friends of ours chose on purpose to have an only child. They adopted, and they decided when she was a baby that they only wanted 1. She's over 4 now, and they haven't wavered. They are a very happy family.
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