[jcm]

Yesterday, my sister posted a pick on Facebook. It was one baby laughing, the other screaming. Underneath, the caption read: "Dude, I was joking, you are NOT adopted!"

Instantly I was angry, hurt, puzzled, all sorts of emotions. I posted that it was not funny, because, what, adoption is supposed to be a bad thing?

Her response was to say she loves adoption, but she cracked up at the kids picking at one another. Again, I posted how lame it was. She offered nothing in return. Several hours later, when I was still fuming, I checked her page and saw the post gone.

I normally don't or can;t hold a grudge, but I am beyond angry. Hurt by it.

What the heck is wrong with people?! Out of all three of my siblings, she is the one I am closest to. She's also my step-sister, yet I was so young I never remember meeting her. That post just picked at so many issues.

[hpfreak080]

I saw somebody post that on facebook too. I didn't say anything because it wasn't someone I know well who posted it, but I felt a slight trigger tugging too even though I know that the people posting those things don't necessarily see adoption as bad or adoptees as bad or less than. It still feels kind of sad and hurtful. I always try to remember that it comes from a place of ignorance because they just don't think about these things like we do.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand where your feelings about that picture came from.

[jp4ga]

Wow... that would upset me too. Very insensitive.

[crick]

I'd have to see it to see if it would upset me or not. I'm of the "warped" sense of humor camp, which of course includes some insensitive things as well as "sick & wrong" things. lol.

However, it WOULD upset me if a family member posted something & didn't apologize and see how much it upset me once I said something about it. So I get that.

Some things just get at us, no doubt about it!

[Dickons]

JCM,

You aren't alone in feeling upset or offended - adoption is the way you formed your family and feel it is wrong to create the stereotype. And it is wrong.

Funny enough stuff like that has never ever bothered me - but you all know I am strange - never was triggered by being told I was illegitmate either - other adoptees are triggered by that. Perhaps I just grew a thick skin early on.

If it triggered you then it triggered you, and please don't beat yourself up over being triggered - we all have triggers. The good thing is you were honest about your feelings right away and your sister is now aware that it isn't right. That is the way to change negative stereotypes - one individual at a time, who will tell others when she sees it and that message will spread.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[DrAmanda]

I saw that on the pinterest humor board and I can understand why you are offended.

[DrAmanda]

OK, I found it again: HAHAHAHA /

[momraine]

I saw that too, though the first time I saw it was posted by a girl who is a twin she she felt it was a twin joke, that he kids were twins so one was trying to convince the other that he was adopted. I can see how it's offensive, though I have developed a thick skin. There is a similar one where there is a dog saying what do you mean I am adopted? I asked my daughter about them and she said it didn't bother her because she isn't bothered by being adopted. She was shocked when I told her that some people, especially in the past had not told adopted kids that they were adopted. That was shocking to her because she can't ever remember not knowing and she is proud of it.

[Loving4ward]

I saw that the other day - I do think the picture is HILARIOUS but they could have come up with a better caption!

But - with that said - my husband was adopted at 8 years old. He was in foster care and then an orphanage. His mom is MUCH more sensitive to adoption jokes than he is.

We went to see Annie and she was a wreck and asked me at intermission if it was upsetting him and should we leave. He still cracks up that she thought he would be upset by it.

Our bio-son is a carbon copy of him and sometimes when my husband is at his wit's end with our son, I crack a joke about wondering why DH wasn't adopted until he was 8. That always cracks him up and breaks the tension. But I would NEVER say that to his mom b/c she would be so upset and if I thought he would have been upset by me saying it then I would never have said it.

At our house, adoption isn't an issue just a fact of life. As a matter of fact, we often make adoption jokes. I guess I think that if it wasn't something we couldn't joke about then it would mean it was something to be embarrassed by.

So with that said, she might have thought that you would not be upset by it and was trying to explain herself to you. I think taking it down was her apology. I wouldn't make this a one strike and you're out situation.

[BethVA62]

I enjoy warped jokes and have tough skin
it is a funny picture
the caption really is a bit much

not the first time I've heard this joke by any means. It's been in commercials, in a couple of movies and tv shows I've seen. It's a common "joke". I get it.

I know I have seen several different pics out there of crying babies with 'you're adopted" written on their birthday cakes.

In some places, situations or whatever it is funny in a warped way, depends on who is telling the joke and where I guess.

my Dad tells a story of how he used to tease his little brother that he was adopted, how his brother believed him every time, how it upset his brother terribly, dad can barely tell the short story from laughing so hard.

why Dad thinks I think it should be funny is beyond me, maybe he thinks I would like it because he is talking/joking about adoption, or maybe he forgets I am adopted for a while. I've never giggled or even smiled at his joke story, which is rare for me, I always give the cold stare. I did laugh hysterically and nearly choked at dinner at this joke once, but I was laughing at my husbands face when he heard it, not the joke story.

The odd thing to me is in the joke the teller understands why someone might be hurt and upset about being adopted! Same feelings not so much understood, expected or wanted IRL by the same people.

There must be a come-back joke in bad taste out there somewhere to post for your sister jcm. I'll think on it

[belleinblue1978]

My brother did the whole "you're not my real sister" thing ONCE. I told him you're right, you were left by aliens.... Oh yes, I am mean.

[jcm]

There are two things that would floor my sister. One, a "joke" picture about someone who is mentally challenged, as her son has Down Syndrome. She is very vocal, as she should be about people using the word "retarded". I get it, I don't do it. Enough said.

The second is that my mother dropped a bombshell on me last summer regarding this sister. Her father (my step-dad) fathered a child that was placed for adoption the year before she was born. I've been screwed into holding this family secret by my mother, but have been really having a hard time with it, for obvious reasons.

My mother refuses to tell, but her hand may be forced after this. I am still very angry and hurt. Which is probably not the best time to tell my sister that,, oh yeah, you have another sibling. How's that adoption joke funny now?

[Beth.]

Bazinga! Probably not the time to spill the beans on that one though!

[usisarah]

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. (I totally stole that from BethVa I think haha!)

If/when you tell your sister that bombshell, she should not look at the revelation as an act of spite.

[jcm]

No worries, there Sarah, I couldn't do that to her, or anyone. One good thing about me is that I stew in my own juices, and hate to make people feel bad.