[Gospelfan]

People are asking us if we are going to have a shower for the kids. I would LOVE to, not just about the gifts but more as a way to celebrate with people this new chapter of our lives that we're VERY excited about. I'm no less excited about having these kids than if we'd got pregnant... so I guess I just see it as another way to celebrate what God's doing in our lives.

Did any of ya'll have showers? Is it different in any way, with adopting older kids? When, in the process, did you have the showers?

On a similiar note, we've been cautioned not to have the kids bombarded with new people when they come, but to keep them sheltered from a lot of business and chaos to help with their adjustment when they come. How did ya'll do this, when family wanted to meet them? Did any of ya'll have a get-together where you let the family meet the kids and kids meeet the fam?

[becky]

We did have a shower...it was a surprise and it was just our two best friends that were there. We waited until we had a match. As it turns out our placement failed, but we did end up adopting a beautiful little girl about 7 months later. So...the clothes were out of season...but the other stuff was very useful

I think it's fine to have a family get-together for everyone to meet the kids. I just wouldn't be having family and friends visit every day...not until your kids get settled and used to their new home.

[curious_in_sga]

When my parents adopted my brother we waited until after he was home. So, it was less of a surprise, we anticipated having a shower at some point. We had asked not to have one before he was placed just in case it didn't happen. We didn't know exactly when they would throw it though. He was only 4 wks so being overwhelmed by company wasn't an issue so much. I'm pretty sure he just slept through it all. My parents had kept most of my stuff from when I was younger as far as the crib, highchair, etc. But they were happy to get updated bottles and "boy" things.

[diva341]

I keep hearing that it's wisest not to have a shower for a newborn adoption in case the mom does change her mind. I know that for me the pain of the loss would be compounded by coming home and seeing all the gifts. (I made a couple of baby blankets at various points in my journey that quickly found homes with other babies when our own baby failed to materialize; I didn't want the reminder.) I have been telling everyone I'll have a few low-key meet-the-baby parties instead. On the other hand, if you're doing an older-child adoption, maybe it's wisest to have a party before to avoid overwhelming the kids with a lot of people.

[DrAmanda]

I've had family and friends asking about this as well. I told them that I would feel best if we waited and had a Welcome to the Family party after we had the baby.

[theLBs]

We waited to have showers after Peanut came home...in fact a friend is throwing one on Saturday. We obviously had to buy some of the basics that we needed right away, but we had a match earlier where the family chose to parent. Even though we'd said no gifts until after, some folks sent cute little newborn girly outfits that we aren't able to use with our little man! We had shower at our church last week, and since he's already here we got clothes that are 9 and 12 months instead of the typical newborn stuff--it was great! I had s friend who adopted brothers-4 & 7 at the time. We had a party for them about a month after they were placed, and folks brought gifts like to a shower. The kids had a blast. These kids are 8 and 11 now and doing really well. As for the question about having folks over, Peanut was a newborn. Folks who've adopted older kids are the experts there! Whatever you do, enjoy every minute of it!

[vernellinnj]

I'll be officially waiting next week.

I've decided to not have a shower until a few wks aftrer TPR. Good thing is my BFF has already said she's hosting, we're going to register next weekend (and not tell anyone) and she's already made me do my invite list (she's a planner).

I set up a private group on FB for my close friends, many of whom are out of town, so they will know that I'm registered and will be able to purchase a gift prior to the shower if they like. I sent my first note last week and many were completely shocked that I am adopting...it was too funny.

All I need is a placement....

[Miss.M]

We adopted son 1 at 23 months of age. He came home after a month long transition in his home town. All our friends were so excited they threw us a shower about 3 weeks later - it was a brunch in my gal pals' back yard with kids and the baby pool and swings, etc. Everyone brought gifts. It was a long day, but no adverse reaction from E. He loves cake and there was lots of that too. I think showers are great. It's a chance for everyone to celebrate your family's blessings and for all those that care about you to be involved and show their joy as well... I think it helps them connect with your child also. If you are like me, your friends will be a big part of your child's life.

[devildogwife]

I kind of had a unique situation. My son was almost a year old when we had our shower. My parents were in process to adopt from Ukraine, so their church threw us a combined shower for my son and my future brother and sister (teenagers) who weren't in the US yet. I liked having it when my son was a little older.

[ajjhmf]

We adopted older children (9 and 4) and ended up having 2 showers. Much to the chagrin of my family, friends and church, I put a few restrictions on them just to keep the boys from being overwhelmed.

We allowed the kids to attend the first 30 minutes or so of the showers and asked that food be served first. They sat with us, visited a bit with people under our supervision and then left with my husband. I know I made a few people mad doing this, but I had to think of what was best for my kids. Then we carried on with the rest of the shower with the devotional, games, gifts and chit-chat.

We were given WAY too much stuff to be honest. It was worse than any infant shower I had attended. In the end, I think not having the kids there was a good decision because I was overwhelmed with most of the stuff and the number of people there. The clothes I sorted and separated by size and season to ease into their wardrobe and the rest went into storage to be doled out over Christmas and birthdays. I gave each child one small item from each shower and that was it. The rest disappeared.

Showers are fun, but it's an overwhelming and hard time for older kids. We're celebrating and they are experiencing major changes that they likely haven't fully processed yet. It's that same reason we don't do big things on Adoption Day and Gotcha Day. A wise women once told me that the happiest day in my life is one of the worst of theirs. When you think of it that way, it makes throwing them a party hard.

[eagleswings216]

We didn't have showers until after we got home. One had already been planned, and it happened to be the day after we got home because our ICPC drug out. It was a shower with our church family mostly - we did a drop in type thing were anyone could come for about 3 hours, male or female. It was really nice because people came and went, and lots of people got to see the babies, which kept us from being bombarded with visitors at home. However, with older kids I really think something like that would be overwhelming. I would probably give them some time to adjust first, and if you can, ask people not to come visit the first several weeks so that you can have some bonding time. We had already had over 2 weeks waiting for our ICPC so we could come home, and that time alone was really, really nice.

We also had two more traditional showers - one with my colleagues in my grad program (very small - about 15 people) and one with DH"s family (about 30 people). Both of those were several months after we got home.

Luckily we already had a lot of baby stuff from hand-me-downs. (our boys have 7 older cousins). So we asked people to mostly buy diapers and wipes. Obviously in your case that isn't so much of need!!

[Mama2BSoon]

I also did a newborn adoption (so take this for what it's worth) and I was adamant with my family and friends that knew our plans to adopt that I didn't want any showers until I was home with my child. Since our adoption was last minute, it wasn't like we were waiting for a due date or anything. It worked really well cause we could have several small parties with different groups of people who were so anxious to meet our son and hear the story of how we met him. (Plus the guys even came to a couple of the parties cause it was less of a shower and more of a meet the baby). We got the baby stuff that we needed and could show off our precious gift to the people that matter the most to us - it was perfect!

(For those doing a newborn adoption - If you want to hold off on purchasing most of the baby stuff till you have a shower, I'd recommend borrowing any items that are critical when you get the call....car seat was the main item we needed right away and we just borrowed it from family that we trusted to get us thru the first few weeks. Also, I strongly recommend picking out and setting up furniture/bedding and decorating the room to an extent prior to matching cause you may run out of time to do that stuff when the baby comes....just my warning as the last minute adoptions really do happen! Keep the fun clothes, diaper bags, swings, etc for the showers)

Regarding an older child adoption...I agree, I'm no expert at all but I would be very cautious and have the kids guide you to what they can handle. If I were you, I'd want to show them off to everyone I knew but the kids may need a bit more time so I'd ease them into the family and friends. (especially if your family is anything like my loud, chatty relatives).

Congratulations and enjoy every minute of it!!!

[elk134]

We are foster parents, and one of our sibling groups that moved on to their adoptive family had an adoption shower during the transition phase. The shower was scheduled for one weekend when they had the kids for a visit. It was older child adoption though- ages 3, 4, & 6 at the time. It was a shower/party for the whole family.

[hjsmommy]

We actually had 3 showers (family, work, church) while we were waiting for dd to be born. First I said no, I wanted to wait until we were home with her. But we thought we should do it so we would have everything and I could experience the shower just like I was pregnant and waiting. Also, I really felt in my heart that if this wasn't to be our baby, there would be one for us eventually, and we would be better prepared. I also felt like having the shower was a statement of faith that God was going to see us through. The birthmom made me a card and sent a present to the shower-which was amazing of her!

There was a point when the birthmom took the baby home from the hospital instead of having us pick her up at the hospital, that it occurred to me I could not go home and see that nursery and not have my baby. Fortunately, for us it worked out.

[carmen90]

I have never had a 'shower' although close family did all three times send gifts over - a lot of practical things though, that I needed, and the second and third time, a couple of things for Gem and GG as well

On meeting the family early - I would have them with you alone for the first few days at least. Then I would not introduce everyone at once, but slowly introduce them in short meetings. First the closest family and/or friends - the ones who will be babysitting when you go out, or looking after them if needs be. Also the Grandparents. Then other family a bit later

I would keep the meetings quite short as well. Mine met the Grandparents for half an hour at the first meeting, then one hour when they saw them the second time. Aunt was also at the second meeting, but left after half an hour. I kept it structured like that - my big tip, whatever works for you, and whenever you meet different people, is to keep a definite start and end time to meetings or parties, to keep the structure there for them