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  #1  
Old 03-10-2010, 08:51 AM
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Confessions...

I confess that sometimes I don't like the fact that my kids have other parents out there.

I have had really nasty thoughts about their bio dad specifically.

Some days I hope my kids don't want to search for them.

I don't want anyone but my husband and or me walking our daughter down the aisle.

I think of dyeing my hair auburn sometimes to avoid the questions of where the red hair of my sons come from.

I really don't live my daily life (outside of work on here) thinking about adoption regardless of some opinionated people telling me I am doing my children a disservice if I "forget". I confess to telling one of these people to buzz off but not as nice as that. I liked it...immensely.

Sometimes I feel really sorry for other parents whose children are not that awesome and think "And you created those "bundles of joy", how nice for you!"

I really like the fact that I can joke with friends from all sides of the triad in a really inappropriate "gallows humor" way because they get it. Even if they aren't on "MY" side. I confess a lot of it would really offend some others.

I confess...I'm not perfect in my thoughts as an adoptive mom trying to wade through all the emotions I have some times. And I'm okay with it. I do the best I can by my children and think most moms do the same.
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  #2  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:00 AM
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Lori1001 Lori1001 is offline
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BEAUTIFULLY put!!
I confess to nearly all of that.. and then some. And mine is still a FS ( but soon.. my DS)
and I would like to always and forever be the only woman in his life!! O.k. other than my mother.. and my daughter!!!
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  #3  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:03 AM
TwinkleKS TwinkleKS is offline
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Thank you for posting this! It is nice to know that other people truthfully feel like I do instead of just thinking everything is wonderful and we are one big happy family.
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  #4  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:04 AM
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Well since we are confessing.....I feel like a crappy mom for going out with the girls last night and having too much wine and now i'm so out of it I stuck him in front of the TV and I dont think I will take him to his gym class. He really loves it and its only one day a week and mommy is hungova and kinda feeling like a loser.

Not really adoption related but just thought I would share.
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  #5  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:18 AM
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LOL! Supa...fess up..you feel more guilty because it makes you look like a horrible mother after waiting so long to adopt and you should never ever do this stuff.

Lori & Twink - it's nice to just be able to be honest without judgement. Or rather not care so much if there is judgement because really the bottom line is we all have these thoughts from time to time.

It's not a bashing against any side thing - it's just a "yanno, sometimes the nitty gritty of adoption is..."

Sometimes we need to cleanse... And that's for anyone and everyone reading here....regardless of your side.
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  #6  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:19 AM
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I confess that as a birth mother and an adoptee, I often have conflicting opinions about what I think is right and it often leads me to really become angry with myself because I don’t know which one is actually “right”.

I confess that even though I have been immensely blessed with having an open adoption with my daughter, sometimes I hate her parents with a passion so deeply it sends me into a deep depression.

I confess that, even though I have said above as well as on the forums how lucky I am to have an open adoption – my adoption has become almost totally closed because I can’t bear watching the damage her parents are doing to her – instead, I watch from a distance, via Facebook.

I confess that it really hurts my feelings when people can’t see me for more than ‘just a birth mother’.

I confess that it really bothers me when people feel like their way or their experience is the only acceptable path along the journey of life. In tandem, I confess that I try as hard as I can to excise that toxicity from my life. Sometimes, I don’t have that luxury and it frustrates me.

I confess that most of the time, I really, really, loathe my birth mother. I stay in contact with her (1-2 emails per year) only because I need health information and she sometimes lets that slip – but never, ever, tells me when I actually ask for it. In my defense, she is a cold heartless woman who has never tried, even a little bit, to have a relationship with me.

I confess, I feel really guilty for not having a relationship with my birth mother because I suspect the reason I don’t is because it’s just to painful for her to be reminded that the decision she made ultimately ended up being awful.

I confess that it scares the ach, e, double hockey sticks out of me to think that my daughter and I will suffer a similar fate – because like my birth mother – I am truly and deeply hurt by the decision I made when choosing her family – although, like my birth mom, I had very limited (and not totally honest) information on which to base my decision – I know it’s not my birth mom’s fault that my childhood was so bad – I hope M comes to know the same thing.

I confess that while my own adoption story is anything but sunshine and roses – I do think that ethical adoption is a wonderful, beautiful thing.

I confess sometimes, I have to ‘turn it all off’ and just go be Brandy – while adoption is a huge part of my life, both personally and professionally – it rarely plays a role in my day to day life outside of the office.

Unless I blog about it – which I rarely do.
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  #7  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:33 AM
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((HUGS)) Brandy. I "know" how hard it's been for you these last few years to watch M in her life and how you wanted so much more for her.
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  #8  
Old 03-10-2010, 09:46 AM
shadow riderer shadow riderer is offline
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Please excuse me, an adoptee, for sticking my nosey little nose in for a minute, but:

Brandy, you are fabulouse. Thank you for being honest.

As for the rest of you, thank you too. It's nice to know that none of us are perfect and don't have to be. However, I'm pleading the 5th. lol Back to your regularly scheduled thread. You guys are great.
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  #9  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:06 AM
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Shadow - What's the pleading the 5th biz about? Nope, sorry...adoptee crashes are fine, but you gotta fess up something! LOL!
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  #10  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:18 AM
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Loving this!

I confess I love it when E's birth mother tells me she picked the right parents, usually when I tell her how I fed him cookies for lunch or let him stay in a diaper all day. Not sure why I love that but I do... (she appreciates my imperfection, phew what a relief!)

I confess I WANT new people and strangers to think he's my bio son. And hope that a person failed bio and all that recessive genes blue eye Little B big b stuff so they won't ask Then I can tell them or not but let them admire me for creating such a perfect child for a little while

I confess it makes me feel safe (relieved as in "good excuse") that we can't afford to fly across the country for a visit, though I do plan on it, there is some nasty stuff going on over there I don't want to see or know about close up.

I confess I go back and forth between desperately wanting E to have a brother (or sister) and loving our time together and the simplicity of an only.

I confess I had an anger problem and swatted E three times (you would have too I think!!!!) j/k but worked with social worker and have had great control for the last three weeks! And for that I am so proud of myself, it feels like a real skill that will stick. I do not want to raise my hand to my kid EVER again! And def. not lose control like that it scared me~

OMG i could go on and on and on and on

I loooooooove these threads. Though Supa that is NOT much of a confession. WE've ALL done that one right?

Brandy I love that you are both adoptee and birth mother and see both sides and get confused sometimes because I try so hard to see all sides and get confused too! If you do then it REALLY makes sense that i would!
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  #11  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:31 AM
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devildogwife devildogwife is offline
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Heart

I'll go ahead and confess, even though it's not adoption related.

It REALLY bothers me to hear children crying in the PICU. If they're healthy enough to not be on a vent, they shouldn't be there.

It bothers me greatly when I hear people complain about their kids. Especially about their crying. I haven't heard my son cry in over 10 weeks. Do people know what I would give to hear a cry or see a smile? Do people have any idea how lucky they are? I live every day with the knowledge that I'm going to outlive my son. I have such constant grief. Be thankful that your childs mortality is not constantly shoved in your face.

I'm bitter that my son is getting a trach, even though it's the right thing for him absolutely. Why can't MY child breath on his own? Why does HE have to struggle?

I'm annoyed that people who spend a couple weeks in a PICU think life is so rough. Really? Try 70 days and counting.

I'm upset that some hypoplasts only have their normal surgeries and not extras like my son. What would life be like if he only had 3 open heart surgeries? Why does it have to be MY sweet little son who has had 5 and counting, plus 2 cardiac arrests?

I'm angry that congenital heart disease doesn't receive more attention and awareness. It's not the 'in' disease, so our children our ignored.

I'm angry that my son has suffered such brain injury. Why couldn't God have protected that during his code? Why does he have to have such major heart, lung and brain problems?

So there are my confessions. They may not be pretty, but that is my life.
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  #12  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:33 AM
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Ok, ok I will confess more

Like Stormster I like meeting new people and them thinking DS is my bio son.

I really didnt want my sister coming to DS Bday party because I would feel embarrassed for her to be around my friends.

Sometime I noticed its been an hour and I havent said one word to my son.
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3/08 We have a son now

10/08/08 Finalized!!!!

BSP

* From 1st meeting with Agency til baby was at home in our arms was 4 months! God truly blessed our family. We owe EVERYTHING to him *

For some fun and fashion check out my new blog
www.blackbarbiegirl.com
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  #13  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:41 AM
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arkansas parent arkansas parent is offline
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I confess it kills me to hear T say he misses his bparents. I'm not sure he has any actually memories of either of them. His therapist had me make him a book about his life before he came here (as much as I know) to help clear up any "fantasies" he has about them (mainly bdad). It isn't to make his bparents look bad just give T the facts.
Now that he knows the truth he still misses them but is glad to be here.
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  #14  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:43 AM
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Great thread!
We have a red head with green eyes, a blondie with blue eyes, and a brunette with gorgeous dark eyes...and when we are out and about...I love to say, "Yes, they are all mine!" I walk away, and leave 'em speechless! I get great satisfaction from this! I suppose it's from all the years of being asked when are you having kids?, why don't you have kids? you aren't getting any younger? blah! blah! blah! Parenting in my 40's is awesome! We played as a couple for a long time....and now we are playing with our kids! I have friends who played with kids earlier and now don't know how to have fun with their spouse. Right now at this point in my life- it's crazy! But, I'm happy- and really this is all that matters! Our kids I think will benefit from this. At least I hope they do. We kinda worked backwards in our life...and I confess, I'm sooo glad we did. Stones said it well, "You get what you need!" and in my crazy, wild ride of life- it feels just right!
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He inspires in me two sentiments:
Tenderness for what he is,
And respect for what he may become.
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  #15  
Old 03-10-2010, 10:51 AM
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Leah - hope that made you feel a bit better. (being angry at things seem to help me at times, is what I mean) Even if marginally as I know your son is in surgery right now. ((HUGS)) Inadequate response I know, but guess I want you to know I appreciate that honesty.

Ark - I have felt that hurt at times too even knowing it's so normal and natural if not necessary for my dd to miss her bmom. Sometimes not being "enough" or "everything" stinks regardless of the logistics and understanding of it.
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