[DPline]

There are always threads about using positive adoption language and the things non-adoptive parents say that make us as adoptive parents bristle. Or things in the media that make us want to scream. But what have you said that you later (or immediately!) thought "How could I have said that?!"

[Barksum]

"Adoption has got to be easier than having a biological baby. I mean, no labor and delivery or anything." Um...this is so totally NOT TRUE that I just cringe thinking about how naive I was.

[specialk4b]

Not exactly adoption language, but I told my son to eat his food 'cuz there are children in China who don't have enough to eat. My hubby and I immediately looked at each other and dissolved in laughter.

[OakShannon]

Okay, I'll go.

This was very recent. There is a little AA girl in D's toddler class who I think may also be adopted. (I haven't asked.) Anyway, one week, little M came to school with her grandma. Grandma and I chatted a bit and she told me how much she enjoyed coming to visit from So Cal and how she tries to see M as much as possible. M's grandma is white. M's mom is not. I'm not sure what her racial identity is. But there was no resemblance that I could see.

Anyway, the next week, little M comes back to school with her mom - who I like and chat with often. So I said, "Oh, did your MIL go back home?"

Pause. "Actually, that was my mom."

Well, shut my mouth. I'm an idiot. You would think if anyone would know better than to jump to that conclusion, it would be me, right? But nope. Open mouth. Insert foot.

[mommytoEli]

mine is so bad....i still don't repeat it. yikes!

[portlowski]

My husband said something so horrifying that we both laughed...a lot. It was when DS was just a few months old and we were strolling through Target. I said, "isn't DS just the cutest baby ever?" And DH said, "well, for 30 thousand dollars he better be." I was horrified since a friend had compared adoption to baby buying and it had upset us very much. But DH loves to shock me with his evil sense of humor.

[ChromaKelly]

Yeah I accidentally said "he was $20K" to a friend, meaning his adoption expenses were $20K. Ugh I just felt like WTH after I said it though.
I've said "his mother" meaning his birthmother to a doctor once too when I was relaying medical info. Yes, she's his mother too, but so am I.

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

mine is so bad....i still don't repeat it. yikes!

Oh come on now you have to tell us!

[DannieAS]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

mine is so bad....i still don't repeat it. yikes!

Just so you know, this is at least the 2nd time you've hinted at this since I've been lurking and posting on here.

Remember....people grow....we're not all perfect, but it's the journey that counts...

(seriously NOT trying to sound like a pithy little hallmark card)

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by DannieAS

Just so you know, this is at least the 2nd time you've hinted at this since I've been lurking and posting on here.

Remember....people grow....we're not all perfect, but it's the journey that counts...

(seriously NOT trying to sound like a pithy little hallmark card)

i mention it, because we DO all grow, and i don't want people to think they are the only ones who have said really dumb stuff about adoption. so i just let it be known that i too have said stupid stuff. but it was REALLY dumb.

here's one that's less stupid. back when guatemalan children were still on photolistings, i found a little boy i wanted to adopt and yelled out at my dh, "honey, can i have the credit card, i'd like to order this baby." well...obviously i don't want to perpetuate the stereo type that people buy babies. so i immediately realized my mistake. but i was just being funny and trying to break the ice about adopting another baby. the funny thing is we actually DID try to adopt him, i don't know if anyone remembers him, but he was the baby that kept switching agencies and i had people on the board looking all over for a little one armed baby. lol. we did find him, and dh and eli even spent a weekend with him. in the end, something happend in the communication with my agency, the boy switched agencies AGAIN and by the time we found him he had been placed with another family.

[DannieAS]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

i mention it, because we DO all grow, and i don't want people to think they are the only ones who have said really dumb stuff about adoption. so i just let it be known that i too have said stupid stuff. but it was REALLY dumb.

Yeah there was a time back beginning of Summer or end of spring where I thought I was dumb because I seemed to be saying the wrong things....