[crick]

I was talking to a friend about what charities/organizations we are giving to this holiday season and she noted that they were all local/national. I said that I personally just like to donate to things in the US or to the troops overseas. So we got into a discussion about how other countries are poorer and need our donations more etc. and by the end of it I was feeling pretty judged.

Isn't charity, no matter which one you choose, a good thing to be involved in? I mean SOMEONE is going to benefit from it and to me that's the whole point? Helping others shouldn't be a topic of judgement in my mind.

Anyone else ever experience this?

[DannieAS]

I guess in the circle of people I know...there is always a chasm between the people that like to volunteer/give/donate/adopt...you name it local/national vs. Global International

I haven't experienced it in charities because I do a little of both...but definately in volunteering....and God forbid I like to work in the public sector and not the private/church institution sector....don't get me started

People need to chill and just embrace that we all have our niche of where we want to use our resources towards....benefitting even one person is making the world in general a better place...whether it is local or global.

ok I'll back off my soapbox...sorry

[loveajax]

gimme a break!!

tell her like the famous bumper sticker says that you are thinking globally, but acting locally!

i think it's pretty presumptuous to tell people "how" to act charitably.

[crick]

LOL Love! Well it was a spirited discussion and we didn't "fight", but I just felt a bit judged. I'm fine with people's choices because seriously...telling others what to do with their money or time? Uh uh..not going there!

Dannie - I hadn't thought of that connection, but you are right with the public vs. private and the volunteering too.

Guess no matter what one does, there's always going to be someone that says "Don't you think you should....?"

[belleinblue1978]

Mom and I were talking the other day about how people seem to be getting nosier and nosier and attempt to involve themselves in other's business as much as they can.

Personally I give locally, because I really do believe that there are plenty of people in need right here in my community. If other people want to give globally, that's cool, not my business, I'm just glad that people choose to give.

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by DannieAS

I haven't experienced it in charities because I do a little of both...but definately in volunteering....and God forbid I like to work in the public sector and not the private/church institution sector....don't get me started

Hahaha!!! I get this in the REVERSE! I do a great deal of volunteer work (like apprx. 25-30 hours a week) for my kids' school/our church and am CONSTANTLY told that I need to branch out and help everyone and not just one particular sector.

What's weird is that the people who TELL me that are usually people who don't don't donate their time, talents or money ANYWHERE.

I guess we can't make anyone happy, haha...but I do what I can for things that touch my heart personally.

[mommytoEli]

yes. but my new take on life is there will always be someone who doesn't agree with what you do. oddly enough, those people tend to not do what it is they want me to do. lol. i find those that get on me for adopting internationally and tell me i should have adopted from foster care, have not done it themselves (although i have, 4 times). those that get on me for where my dollars go, don't give dollars at all. in my opinion, if they want to have an opinion, they need to first put their money where their mouth is. and then quite frankly, they can give their money to whomever they choose.

[yehudit]

Don't want to start major sparks here or hijack the thread, but I've noticed what I call a "culture of giving" recently, and it bugs me.

OK, so I like to watch Wifeswap. And fairly frequently there is someone who insists that someone else, usually a child, give away their most prized possession to charity. The argument being that to teach about "real" charity it has to hurt. And the poor kids are basically forced to part with their favorite toy or electronic device while no one else gives up anything.

Does charity not count if it doesn't make you sweat? I think that sets up an impossible standard and might make the kids resent the charity. To me, a better way is to show kids the small things we do every day that mean something to others. The $25 check here or there, the used but still good quality clothes we are no longer wearing, the extra cans of food because we want more space in the cabinet, etc. I agree that we shouldn't give people junk and expect to be praised for it. On the other hand, you could really teach a kid something about the satisfaction of giving by showing them how much their cast-offs mean to others.

Thoughts?

[mommytoEli]

interesting yehudit.

last year our kids got bees for christmas. lol. we bought a hive of bees for a family somewhere through heifer international. they still got regular presents too. they thought it was cool that for a gift for them someone else got bees so they could make honey to make a living. i don't know if they would have appreciated it as much had it been their only gift. lol.

[crick]

Originally Posted by yehudit

Don't want to start major sparks here or hijack the thread, but I've noticed what I call a "culture of giving" recently, and it bugs me.

OK, so I like to watch Wifeswap. And fairly frequently there is someone who insists that someone else, usually a child, give away their most prized possession to charity. The argument being that to teach about "real" charity it has to hurt. And the poor kids are basically forced to part with their favorite toy or electronic device while no one else gives up anything.

Does charity not count if it doesn't make you sweat? I think that sets up an impossible standard and might make the kids resent the charity. To me, a better way is to show kids the small things we do every day that mean something to others. The $25 check here or there, the used but still good quality clothes we are no longer wearing, the extra cans of food because we want more space in the cabinet, etc. I agree that we shouldn't give people junk and expect to be praised for it. On the other hand, you could really teach a kid something about the satisfaction of giving by showing them how much their cast-offs mean to others.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't make my child give up their favorite item and I don't agree with the philosophy that it has to hurt to be charity. Geez. Really?

Personally I think if a child is forced to give to others then they miss the true feeling of it all. The spirit of giving is missing there. Don't get me wrong, we do have to TEACH our kids so there is some "force" there I guess, but I guess I want my kids to truly feel passionate about something enough to WANT to make a difference. My dd loves animals and is always watching those rescue shows on Animal Planet. So her choice this season is the local animal shelter after a fb friend suggested it when I asked for ideas. DD loves the idea that she'll be able to help out animals.

[OakShannon]

It makes a lot more sense to me to have kids choose a cause that means something to them and then support their involvement. I don't want my son to think supporting a charity is painful! Who wants to do something that's painful?

Yes, I get that kind of judgement from my dad. He's big into environmental causes. We focus on local charities that help people. He would always argue that we were short sighted and environmental issues are human rights issues and so on (and on and on). He has some valid points. But it ain't what we do. We give a set percentage of our income and break it down into a small number of local charities. So the food bank gets the bulk. But if other people want to give to international charities or environmental causes, I think that's great. There's plenty of need to go around.

[mnmomma]

My mom shared a story with me growing up that has kind of stuck and I think about it when there are repeated requests for $ in my circles. She was a secretary at a legal publishing firm making a barely livable wage as a single mom for a while when my brother and I were growing up. Every year, they had a United Way drive right before Christmas. Not only did they have monetary goals, but the company had high-level quotas for the participation level through-out the company. So, she felt tremendous pressure to contribute to an organization that provided services that would benefit OUR family. We used emergency assistance programs, but she felt her job was at risk if she didn't give money she couldn't afford to donate.

IMO, donations are very personal both in the causes we choose and the amounts we can afford to part with.

[zxczxcasdasd]

I'm glad you brought this up Crick.

As someone surrounded on every side with good friends or family involved with non-profits/charities in every way, I've struggled with knowing that really I HAVE to choose where I direct my time and my money. I CAN'T do or give everywhere.

And I've thought about things like, is it okay to buy a pair of shoes when there are starving kids?

I've concluded what sounds like your position- doing good is good and that comes in many forms. Even buying a pair of shoes can be good when it supports a company that employs people and creates a livelihood for them and supports their families!

I believe doing good is doing good.

If it's HER good to give internationally, God Bless Her. If it's yours to give locally, then the same.

[Barksum]

Charity is a synonym for love. It is often used to mean those things we do for others who are in need. I'm glad that people give where they feel led to. Some people do not give money, but time. Others give lots of money to a local program, while others give their 2 cents to an overseas program. The point is to help those in need. Is a starving person in my home town less worthy of food than a starving person in another country?? Everywhere you look there's something you can do, both at home and overseas. We should be happy to do all kinds of things in all kinds of ways. I think what would bother me is if you know you have a neighbor who has a need but you ignore that all the while giving generously to some thing far away. Charity does, after all, begin at home. Ok, climbing down off my soap box.

The whole 'give till it hurts' kind of 'charity' is kind of a wacky leftover from some misguided idea about 'sacrificial giving'. Giving to another person in need should be because we have some concern for that person and their lack of some vital something. It should be a natural outgrowth of what we have in our hearts. Sometimes sacrifice is called for in order to do that, but not like these engineered 'give what you love most' kinds of things. Major eye roll here.

Crick, we ran into something similar to the being judged over local vs. international when we adopted. We adopted from foster care. I had someone ask us why we didn't adopt a 'real orphan in need' from another country. I pointed out that there are children in foster care who are really in need, too. The person who was talking with me about this had adopted from overseas. I'm happy they did. Their child is a wonderful person and I'm happy that they are a family. I'm happy that people do adopt from overseas. We simply opted to adopt domestically from foster care. (Since Dh aged out of foster care we were probably more aware of the need for adoptive parents than others.) It was weird to have people feel that we'd failed somehow because we were not helping real orphans.

[loveajax]

Mnmomma, thank you for sharing that story. That must have been so hard for your mom to feel that pressure!! There are so many people these days seriously just struggling to make ends' meet (or is it ends' meat? I always get my metaphors screwed up).

You know what I hate? Those "conspicuous" volunteer moments on TV. I just saw the Duggars in a soup kitchen (it's always a soup kitchen). And then the Real Housewives of X are always throwing these "charitable galas" - - hey, I give 'em credit, but it's really all about them.

My dad was one of the most charitable people I know and he never once talked about it. It was amazing at his wake how many people came up to me and told me a different story about wonderful things he had done, etc. that I didn't know about (OK, gotta go cry!). Makes me want to be a better person.