[karaboo]

DH and I have applied through an agency. Their policy is to have us write a "Dear Birth Mother" letter for the moms to read. They told us they will guide us through this, but I would like to hear from you guys. I'm interested in hearing from those of you who have written them, and those of you who have read them when making the decision to place your child.

[kellyjames]

What do you want to know? I've written two basic ones...one when we were trying to adopt number one (he's now four) and one when we were trying for number two (which didn't happen.) Let me know how I can help.

[loveajax]

I re-read ours the other day and I have to say I thought it was pretty good!!

I know many birth moms do not like when potential APs address the expecting mom as "Dear Birth Mom," so if I were going to do another one, I think I would probably just say "Hello!"

We did a letter followed by a profile book of pictures (with some captions, etc.). I have seen some nice ones where there is no real "letter" but information is interspersed throughout the pictures.

It's hard not to feel like it's a "marketing" piece, but I just tried to present us as we were and to be honest. I think people can tell when you are being sincere. Hopefully, your agency has some that you can look thru to see what you like.

GOOD LUCK!!! I am glad you are ready to tackle this now...I know the last few weeks have been hard...

[becky]

We didn't do the traditional letter either. We did a 'scrapbook' if you will that included information coupled with pictures throughout. I actually used a digital scrapbooking program to do it.

I have to say it was really nice...and we had a lot of compliments on it.

The main thing I did was to be sure any expectant mom reading it would really have a clear understanding of our family. I was honest and I tried not to brag too much about my 5 wonderful kids

I we actually had 3 pretty quick matches. One of the expectant moms said that our book made us seem like the most 'real' family she had seen and she loved that.

[Gwen72]

Our letter started out with, "Dear Expectant Parent" instead of "Dear Birthmom". We talked about our childhoods, our relationship, our extended family, friends and pets. We talked about what kind of life we wanted to give a child. I scrapbooked several pages of pictures of our life so she/he could see for themseles the kind of family the baby would go to if they placed with us. Good luck with your adoption journey!

[goodiesformom]

Becky, what scrapbook program did you use?

I've done ours electronically for our website but not the hard copy yet since we are still working on our home study.

Lois

[karaboo]

Unfortunately, our agency will only allow us to write a letter. When we were meeting the emom for the adoption that failed, I made a scrapbook for her to see our family. But we can't do that this time.

Would anyone be willing to PM me a copy of their letter?

Are there any first moms out there who could tell me about letters they read that they loved or hated?

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your thoughts and well wishes.

[Beth.]

Amazon.com: Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter (9780971619821): Nelson Handel: Books

This book helped me to get started. The other thing I did was browse sites like parentprofiles.com and read what other people are writing. You should form opinions quickly on what you like, what you don't like and what works for you. Like pp said, be yourself.

[becky]

I used Scrapbook Factory. It was very easy to use and it turned out beautifully.

The one piece of advice I would give you when writing a letter is to make yours a little different from the samples you read. Everyone is going to say how great their family is, how much love they have to give a child, how nice their home, neighborhood and schools are, etc.

I would suggest putting some interesting facts about yourselves...and really giving a view of your day to day life. I have read that many expectant moms want to be able to visualize the life their child will have. So...talk about how you cook out on the weekends and how to you go to Church and out to Chili's for lunch every Sunday. Just the normal everyday things you do as a family...

[someonenamedleah]

Just wanted to say, I read that you can't to a digital scrapbook, but for those who are, we used Photoshop elements and free digi scrap downloads from shabbyprincess and had them printed into 8x8 books at artscow. I think they turned out really nice, and it was easy to email as a PDF and to post online as well.

For Original poster, who can't do a book, we did a "ten facts about page" that I think was nice... You know, favorite restaurant, favorite band, places we used to live, etc.

If anybody wants to see what we did, pm or email me. I know how hard it is to get started on it and I'd be happy to show off all my hard work !

[joskimo]

Ours was about 5 pages, I put in pictures in the letter and than had the print shop print them so it woudl be higher quality than my home printer. Than (overkill?) I used fancy clasps from the craft shop. I made up about 10 I think, but kept the master on file in case I needed more.....come to think of it, I might have needed more. Our facilitator required 5 and I know I sent some out before we signed on with her. But she was our God-send, 7 weeks after we signed with her we were matched with our daughter.

[karaboo]

You guys are great! Thank you for so many responses and suggestions. Keep them coming! We met with our agency/attorney today, and DH and I will start that letter tomorrow.

[Waiting_for_my_baby]

I pm'd you! Hope it helps!

[Whirled_Peas]

We do attachment parenting, adoptive nursing, and don't circumcise. We wanted a mom that who wanted those qualities in an adoptive family, so we focused on our parenting style first, then told about us. Some people recommended we not do that because we might chase someone away. We figured it was better to find a good match in a birth family since we wanted an open adoption. Better to have something in common with these people than not.

We wrote the letter thinking about what we would want to know if we were placing a child.

[belleinblue1978]

I didn't like being referred to as a birthmother. I wasn't a birthmother, I was my son's mom at that point, pure and simple.

I didn't like the letters that rattled on about money and what they had to give a child materially. Yes it is important to be able to provide, but I didn't want my child to be spoiled either.

I liked that ones that talked positively about careers, extended family, pets, hobbies, just their lives. I'm not terribly religious, but I liked the ones that mentioned relgious beliefs, because I did have some preferences. I liked the ones that spoke about how people were already parenting or planned to parent and how they viewed education.

Be honest, like whirled says, some things might not mesh with some expectant parents, but other definitely will. Above all, you are potentially forming a lifelong relationship, and honesty should go both ways. Just something to think about. (Not saying you plan to be dishonest, but I bet there are people who have encouraged you to blur things a little, don't do it!)