[Stormster]

Originally Posted by OakShannon

We get that too, and even apart from coloring, my son and I don't look a bit alike. Do you think it's because this is just something people automatically say to parents of little kids? I wonder if they're trying to support the idea that we're really family or if it's like the comment, "He's so tall!" Which is another thing people seem to say to all parents and I hear it all the time despite the fact that he's really not..

Yes I totally think you are spot on ....and we hear how tall E is all the time despite the fact he's in the 50th percentile! I mean allllll the time! Funny I thought we were the only ones!

[loveajax]

OMG, "Phew!" is the best!!!

Oak, it's like the too many cooks in the kitchen...I really don't need another uterus, thanks!

I wonder if it is DD getting older that the "nonchalance" takes over...we used to get waaaay more nosy or silly questions, etc.

[danhanan]

OOOh, I don't post often, but I have to say that my all time favorite comment has always been, "Does she see her mom?". I could just spit every time I am asked that question. My responses to that have varied anywhere from, "Gee, you can see me can't you?", to a much more polite, "Her birthmom?, well, she has moved away.
I really don't like being rude, but sometimes I jus tget fed up KWIM?

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by Stormster

My favorite is the nonchalant "oh really he looks JUST like you!" but actually that pisses me off too because he really really doesn't.

I don't really think that is such an odd comment. When people notice similarities its not just the exact length of nose, the exact skin tone or exact shape and color of someone's eyes they see, but body language and movement.

I hadn't noticed just how much of our body posture is learned until recently. Little Guy, in just 8 short months with me, has picked up so many of our family's movements and postures. My mother and I have a habit of taking a huge step up into the kitchen doorway...becuase we are usually carrying something (groceries, dogs, kids, books, whatever). Little Guy has picked that up....he looks just like us when he does it. He has also picked up little movements from my nephew who looks just like my brother.....now people think Little Guy looks just like my brother and think Little Guy is genetically related. When he first came, that wasn't the case....in fact, we were even questioned once in public when he acted up and I corrected him. I had to explain that I'm his foster parent and not a total stranger.

[portlowski]

Yes, people are always telling me he is so big! Umm...he is in the 35th percentile for height and is almost 3 but wears 2 T pants!

People always ask where he is from. When I say Chicago, they seemed shocked. Even my Ukranian pediatrician always says, "he looks like Russian baby!" And his bio grandfather was from Russia and bio grandma is of Russian Jewish descent, so he has a lot of Russian heritage.

[robandjulie]

Originally Posted by ladyjubilee

I don't really think that is such an odd comment. When people notice similarities its not just the exact length of nose, the exact skin tone or exact shape and color of someone's eyes they see, but body language and movement.

I hadn't noticed just how much of our body posture is learned until recently. Little Guy, in just 8 short months with me, has picked up so many of our family's movements and postures. My mother and I have a habit of taking a huge step up into the kitchen doorway...becuase we are usually carrying something (groceries, dogs, kids, books, whatever). Little Guy has picked that up....he looks just like us when he does it. He has also picked up little movements from my nephew who looks just like my brother.....now people think Little Guy looks just like my brother and think Little Guy is genetically related. When he first came, that wasn't the case....in fact, we were even questioned once in public when he acted up and I corrected him. I had to explain that I'm his foster parent and not a total stranger.

So true! DS has been with us for over a year now and we get so many comments from family that have seen him off and on since homecoming that he looks more like us now than he did at first. Obviously we haven't changed his skin or hair or eye color--which don't match DH or I at all--but he does cock his head the same way as DH now and talks with hand movements like me and inflections like his sister and me. He makes the same "crazy-eyes" face that his sister does (and apparently I do) and the same thinking face/pose as his dad. When you look past the hair/skin/nose he DOES look just like us now.

Favorite response--talking with a new acquaintance last week about our kids (her son is in DD's class and we have younger sons the same age) there came a point where it was appropriate to point out that DS (not there) was adopted. The mom said "Oh, and are you all happy with how that's working out?" It threw me off--like if we weren't would this be the time to discuss it? And if he were bio would someone say that? I mean, yes, we joke around about "hey, look, this whole parenting gig is actually working out for us" or "Go figure, I guess I'm glad we had kids!" but it was just odd.

[jennygirl]

During a check up the nurse at DD's doctors' office says ..." I know she's adopted but you guys have the same eye brows." Really!!!!???

I think people have a need for parents and children to look alike or least similiar, so they go out of their way to find something in common. How else would you explain the same eye brows comment?

[megaphonemo]

I did not read all the other responses yet, but my fave when I tell folks my kiddos are adopted is "really??" followed by a look that wants me to follow up.. I ususally just say ".... yeah, reallly..."

Like I would not know that I was not preggers, and that this baby suddenly showed up at my house..

[shycar]

Ok this is not on adoption, but fostering, but we get lots of questions too. At one time we had 4 kids ages 4 and under. One was Hispanic, one CC (our ds now), one Asian, and the baby AA. They all called us Momma and Daddy. We were in line at the store and this old lady kept giving me dirty looks and my dh a look of sympathy. She asked him if they were his. He proudly says yes. Then she asked if he was sure they were "ALL" his. DH knowing what she meant. Looked her very seriouse. Told her to be honest that he was positive they were his, but he was not sure they were all mine. The old lady huft and give him nasty look and now I got the look of poor girl. LOL I cracked up so much. I mean duh.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by OakShannon

A third uterus isn't going to be of much help to us.

SO FUNNY!!!

I love it when people say..."REALLY?? " and look back and forth at the boys and I...especially when it was just Tyler. I mean, what part of my dark chocolate little guy looks like his pasty Irish mom? Is it really that hard to believe? Are you really that floored by the information?

Both boys also somehow manage to look like DH. Especially the eyes somehow, even though they both have dark brown eyes and Dh doesn't

[parenting-over-40]

Originally Posted by loveajax

Anyway, she starts regaling me with this horrific L&D story and asked if I had experienced something similar.

I love these questions. I just tell them, "No, labor was a breeze!"

My daughter was born on Christmas Day. So, when people hear that some will say. . "Well, we know what you were doing that day?" I just smile and say to myself,
"Opening presents, drinking a beer, enjoying my family!"

But to answer your original question . . . the one that concerns me the most are related to being a Saint. Ugh! I tell them, "No, I really am not a Saint. I just wanted a baby and God sent me this little Angel."

[bluebonnet_72]

The most ackward moment was explaining that my oldest daughter was adopted to an old acquantince we hadn't seen in about 10 years. My oldest dd is 13.
He said, "I remember when she was tiny." What was I suppose to say. We adopted her at age 10. I just said, "I'm glad you remember because I don't." Then I explained. I'm sure he had us mixed up with another couple. It was a pretty strange moment.
My least favorite response is when they ask me if all my daughters are sisters. I always just say, "Yes, they are all BIOLOGICAL sisters." I hate that implication that if they weren't biological sisters, they wouldn't be sisters.

[tagyourit]

Crick- I have to agree with you. I mainly get the "how much of a saint you are" or "it takes special angels to do that" It trips me out. Really, I am no different from any other mom, I love my kids and feel blessed that we have them. A saint that does not make.

[KarenInCa]

With us, being in an IA situation...there have been two things that have made me laugh.
1st- When the time for a referral takes longer than expected, with both daughters we've gotten, "Is it still the same child as before?" Referrals come when they come, and there is no child before a referral.
2nd- Our first daughter was adopted at 16 months old. She did not speak Mandarin, Cantanese or any other language. She was a baby. She spoke baby-babble. But a lot of people have asked, "So, does she still speak Chinese?" Hello...she was a b-a-b-y.
Well intended questions, but not thought out very well, especially when these questions are asked after explaining how things happen with IA.

[JenC]

Yeah...with 2 pasty white parents and two little AA boys...it's assumed I've um, been around. Actually, while we were in FL waiting ICPC with Preston, we were eating breakfast at the hotel and a very nice older couple beside us started chatting us up, kept telling DH what a great hands-on dad he was, etc... Josh ended up pitching a tantrum so DH took him up to our room while I finished eating with the new baby. Anyway, I ended up telling this older lady that we had just adopted Preston. The look on her face..."OOHHHHHH!! You ADOPTED him!" I think they were secretly wondering if DH had noticed anything...

"Phew!" indeed!