[portlowski]

This is a small thing and I know no harm was meant...but still...here is her update

"If DS watches xyz video one more time I swear I am going to put him up for adoption."

I wonder how many people touched by adoption read that update and felt the same stomach cringe I did. She has 400 facebook "friends."

[BeckyS]

Those things irk me too. I never realized how many times it's referenced in a negative way, both in 'casual' conversation and on tv. Bummer that it was said by a friend. I pretty much just ignore it. Thankfully, that I know of, none has been said around my kiddos.

[JustPeachy]

I know. I try not to let things like this get to me, but I have a good friend who knows I placed my son, and she has two teenaged kids. She is very close to her kids, in particular, her son, and the last two times I saw her, she said right in front of me (in response to some compliments paid about him), "Yeah, he's great kid. I think I'll keep him!"

I KNOW she didn't mean this in any way as a dig or to be purposely insensitive. But when I hear stuff like that, it makes me bristle for sure. So the implication is, I didn't keep mine--he must be a bad kid??

I don't expect everyone to tiptoe around me but sometimes I wish people were more understanding of how negative comments about adoption affect others--especially adoptees!!

[loveajax]

Annoying!!

I'm sure there were plenty "cringers."

[luckyshamrock]

Just reply- I will take him.

[aclee]

You should post a reply that it is National Adoption month, and thank her for spreading the word that adoption is a viable option for those not in a position to parent their children...

[ourdreamcametru]

LOVE aclee's response, I would have to do it!

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by aclee

You should post a reply that it is National Adoption month, and thank her for spreading the word that adoption is a viable option for those not in a position to parent their children...

lol....funny.

[rd200]

Originally Posted by aclee

You should post a reply that it is National Adoption month, and thank her for spreading the word that adoption is a viable option for those not in a position to parent their children...

I would totally do that. Its to the point and maybe she might "get it" then.

[dpen6]

Never mind the adoption month thing...how about pointing out how it might make an adopted child feel if they heard it...another put down of being adopted!

we just don't quite cut it.

[portlowski]

Thanks guys. I was all geared up to write something...something thoughtful and gentle but that would get her thinking...but she changed her status very soon after posting. I wonder if someone else got to her first! There are quite few adoptive parents in her circle of friends and I am sure adopted people as perhaps people who have placed children too.

I am coming to terms with the fact that my son is going to have to deal with comments like these as he grows up...comments that "humorously" suggest that he was "given away" because he was flawed in some way. And I can't even begin to imagine how you feel Just peachy, when someone makes a comment that implies you didn't "want" your child. Uggghhh.

[belleinblue1978]

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, because I deal with dense comments on so many fronts, heck we all do. When it comes to adoption I get them from two fronts.

You know though, I know that I make insensitive comments now and then to people about things in their life, not meaning to alot of the time. It happens, people are human.

I know darn well l am well loved by mom and dad even with all my flaws. I know darn well that M didn't place me because I was flawed or broken or anything else. Why do I know that? Because Mom and Dad parented me in a such a way that I know those things aren't true. When I would hear a comment like that, rather than being outraged at the person, who chances are didn't know any better, they said, nope not true, you know we love you and so does M. They are right.

As far as the comments that I deal with as a first parent.... again, they are coming from people that don't understand and for the most part have absolutely zero frame of reference.

I guess I think, for me anyway, even though I may want to make snide remarks back, dealing with those situations with grace makes a whole lot more sense. Focusing on what is good about me and how I did the right things and not letting others affect every aspect of my life.... that is what I personally shoot for, not always easy and I definitely don't always achieve that goal, but I try.

I couldn't be more grateful to Mom and Dad for parenting me in such a way that I have those skills these days. It's taken time, but I can read a dense comment about something that affects me, more than just adoption related, and unless it is someone in my immediate family, I just don't care.

[KarynB]

We had something like this happen on the weekend, too. My son (10 yrs old) plays football and will be moving up a division next season. His current coach wanted to introduce him to some of the players he'll be with next year - really nice guy. Anyways, he introduces his son, another kid, and then says "and this is our adopted son XXX. He just hangs around like a lost puppy so we take him in and feed him now and then".

He certainly didn't mean any harm, but my son looked at me very confused - like what the heck is this guy talking about? I didn't want to make a snide remark, he really meant no harm, but talking about our adopted kids like they are lost puppies we take in to feed and water was not entirely cool either!

[Nevada Jen]

Those type of comments make me cringe too. And I self ringe because I have been known to say "I sending you back for the non-sassy model." or "she's a keeper." In reality, the comment is not at all adoption related in my mind but it still rubs me the wrong way. I really like aclee's suggestion. Its a playful way of bringing to someone's attention that there statement has a different meaning to certain ears.

[sugarmuffin]

aggggggghh!! I just want to keep "educating" people all the time. The two questions that really, really, really get me are

"Who is her mother?" That would be me
"What/Where would she be without you?" With the any of the four other families that desperately wanted her.I am not doing her any favors. aggggggggghh
::::::taking deep breathes in and out:::::::::::