[oceanica]

I'm just not sure what to do about dd. I know most of you have renamed and honored the bmom with a middle name or some variation on that.
I've tried to be in agreement with the bmoms with my other two babies... Kee kept his name and Athena's mom was in agreement with her name before she was born.
DDs bmom named her before she met me. She picked the name with the social worker in a 15 minute timespan because she liked it (not that it had special significance) and the middle name was actually picked by the social worker. (Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better by telling you that!) We like the name Althea, don't get me wrong.... it is greek like Athena and it is pretty but it's sort of an old name (most popular in 1910) and it means some sort of herb. I don't like that it starts with "Al" and that it reminds me of Elfreida or Hilda which aren't pleasing to me. It just doesn't quite connote the beauty and grace and regality that I want for her name. We would like something that is a little different so that there aren't 4 other children in her class with the same name.
I love all kinds of names. DH has come up with Victoria. (queenly right?) We haven't been able to agree on anything else yet.
But if we do change it then I have to tell a heartbroken 15 year old, sorry, we went with a different name, and I don't know if I can do that! (She emailed me recently and asked me if we are going to change it.)
I'd love your thoughts on this. We have to have a decision by early this week according to the social worker.

[Magic_Hat]

We kept the names our kids' birth moms gave them as their middle names and chose our own first names. I really wanted to keep their original names as part of their name to keep the connection to their birth moms but I didn't like either enough to keep it as the first name. If I were you, I'd do the same-use Althea as the middle name and pick a first name you like better. I wouldn't really give the existing middle name a thought since the sw picked it. I wouldn't want my kids to have two names as similar as Athena and Althea, that will be so confusing to everyone and people will constantly call them the wrong thing, could be annoying for them. People will always ask if they are twins since that's the kind of naming ppl do with twins. Would you consider keeping it as a middle name? Victoria Althea sounds nice.

[JustPeachy]

It's a tough one. I named my child but back in those days, it was understood that the aparents would be changing it. There was absolutely no collaborating on names. I wish there could have been!

I personally like the name Althea, and think it is beautiful and not a popular or trendy name (most of which I don't care for), but to me, if you already have an Athena in the house, Althea sounds too similar to my ear and I don't know if you want the girls to have names with so many similar letters and sounds in them.

Could you go with Althea as a middle name? Victoria Althea sounds nice, but if you decided to keep it as the first name, you could go with Althea Victoria, but you could call her by her middle name of Victoria, while still keeping her first name in tact.

If you really cannot stand the name Althea, do you think you could really live with it? Was the birth mother told the name would be honored? Is there any way for the SW to gently tell her that the name is not working for you? It could be explained that it is too close to your other daughter's name and maybe the two of you could choose a different name together so she'd feel part of the process? I dunno. Just throwing some thoughts out there.

I was hurt when I realized my son's name would be changed, but over the years, was OK with it and finally understood when it was explained that sometimes the name chosen by the e mom might not work with the a parents' last name, or perhaps the a parents have a bad association with that name (for instance, if your hubby had a nasty ex named Althea, you probably wouldn't want your child to have that same name!).

She picked the name with the social worker in a 15 minute timespan because she liked it (not that it had special significance) and the middle name was actually picked by the social worker.

I would take this out of the equation. The bottom line is, you don't like the name and would like to find a solution. I think it's OK to own that.

[kara05kara]

Our oldest son had a very young Birthmom, who gave him an unusual 1st name with a unique spelling. We, too, decided to make that his middle name and give him a 1st name we picked. Now, 4 years later, I am VERY glad we did that. Over the past 4 years, his Birthmom has begun to pull back contact to about 2x a year. She still refers to him as the name she gave him. In letters to her, we refer to him by both names. I think in the end it works well. We call him by his first name, she calls him by his second name, and BOTH are his names.

Our second son had an older Birthmom, who gave him a name that was the same name as a emotionally disabled student my husband worked with. It was not going to work for us at all- not even as a middle name. We told the social worker why we weren't able to keep that name at all, and she passed that on to his Birthmom. His Birthmom wanted a closed adoption, so we felt less conflicted about the naming stuff.

It seems like you may need to consider how open the adoption is going to be. If her Birthmom plans to be involved with frequent visits and such, and if she plans to call her by the name she gave her (which, according to the social workers I've talked to, is a common occurrence), then it seems like including the name somehow in her full name makes sense.

Good luck!
Natalie

[SAVeronika]

To me personally, Althea and Athena would be way too close. I would get tongue tied more than once for sure. It would be great to keep is as a middle name, but if you feel compelled to keep it as a first name you may consider using a nickname like Thea or Allie. We are not big on nn though, so that will influence our decision greatly, if we were in that position.

[shy_bear]

I also think your girls names are way too similar. I would just be honest with bmom and tell her how you feel and that you are not trying to disrespect her in any way. I am sure she will understand.

We named our two girls, we did tell their bmom's before hand. Our son was named by his bmom and the name was so very close to what we were going to name him we left it.

[my someone]

Veronika beat me to it! I think Thea is gorgeous and using it doesn't disregard her birthmom's choice. Still a little close to Athena, though....

[Cjmeck]

I see why this is hard for you. Honestly, I would change Althea to be her middle name and then you chose her first name. The only reason being that I think Althea and Athena are just too similiar for me. They sound so much alike that it would just throw me for a loop.

[ourdreamcametru]

Beautiful name but I too think Althea and Althena are much too close sounding. I thinking using Althea as a middle name would be great and still honor her birthmother and give you the chance to use a name you love as well.

[loveajax]

I think I told you that I love the name Althea. I had a friend with that name...I had another friend named Thea (I love that name too which would be such a cute nickname!). But the bottom line is that of course you should love the name for your beautiful daughter....maybe keeping Althea as a middle name? Good luck!

I'll never forget my DD's birth mom asking if it was "OK" that they named her (we already had told them the name we had chosen). I feel so silly but I had never thought about OBCs, etc. Anyway, it was not a name I like or would want to keep, but I think it was important for DD's birth parents to name her (it was a variation of both of their moms' names). And they understood that we were changing the name and have always referred to her by that name. I wish that we both had thought about it ahead of time. I laugh because both DH and DD have different "birth" names...neither which seem to fit, but of course it's because I am so used to their names.

[manni28]

As an adoptee, can I give you some advise? Naming is part of "claiming" the child. Although it's honorable you want to honor the bmom, you are the parent raising the child. If you don't like the name keep it as a middle name; I couldn't imagine giving my child a name I didn't like!

My point is, your child may not care who named them ( or what their name is), it's the relationship with the people in their life,that counts. Email the bmom with the new first name and tell her you are keeping the Althea as a middle name.

All the best,

Manni

[startedover]

For what it is worth, I settled for a name I was not crazy about. Almost 3 years later there are still times I wish I had changed it. Do what makes you happy. I would explain to bmom that you feel that would be very confusing as the girls get older. Because to me it will.

[Withay]

I explained to my sons bmom that while I loved the name she had given him, I was going to add to his name. I wanted to give him a biblical name and a family name. She was fine with that and calls him by his biblical name now.

[Gwen72]

I like the name Althea but I think it's too close to the name Athena. I think Althea should be her middle name and you and your DH should pick a different first name. Good luck with whatever you decide though.

[ChromaKelly]

I also vote for keeping it as a middle name. You kind of have an "out" there with Athena and Althea being so similar. Sometimes I get a little confused when reading posts!

We did keep Caleb's birth name, but changed the spelling. I felt a little bad telling her we changed the spelling, as there is a tradition in her family of having K names, but we really liked it with a C better, and it fit with the girls being A and B. She was fine with it. I've never gotten a letter, so I don't know how she would spell it herself.