[feelingreyt]

Why does it always throw me for a loop when I see my son's bmom around town? Today I ran into her at Wa-Mart. Ds was not with me, but I did get to see 2 of his biosisters. I showed her a few pics of ds on my phone. She really seemed pleased to see them. I (AGAIN) invited her to have visit. She said she would like to, but she's so busy working and doesn't have the time. Funny she has time to visit with the girls(who she does NOT have custody of) yet, she can't visit ds! What the heck?

[Whirled_Peas]

I guess she has her own reasons for not wanting to see him and she doesn't want to disclose them to you. I'm sure that's painful for you. If it were me, I would grieve it and move on rather than live with the pain of it.

[belleinblue1978]

Is she trying to get custody of the girls back? If she is then she has to be at the visits. I'm still thinking that low self esteem and shame are alot of what is going on with her when it comes your son. I hope as she overcomes her addictions she will gain some self worth and realize the importance she can play in your son's life.

[Sleeplvr]

If the girls are in state care she is required to visit them per a case plan. She will lose her rights if she doesn't visit. The state usually files abandonment if no contact is made in 6 months. You have adopted DS so seeing him would be nice but she has to keep focus on the kids she is trying to get back. Working and having stable housing is also a standard part of a caseplan. If that's what she's doing give her some space and revisit the possibility of her seeing DS once she has the other issue resolved. Caseplans seem simple to us but they are very difficult for people who have problems.

[devildogwife]

I'm sorry, it's really hard. I can understand what you're feeling.

[feelingreyt]

Thanks for your input and support.
To answer a few questions...only 1 of her girls are in State Custody. The other 2(the ones I seen today) are in the custody of a family friend. She is hoping to get the girls back at some point.
As for her not wanting to see ds, I can understand it to a certain degree, but it really hurts me for HIM. Yes, she has her reasons, but what about HIS feelings? It has been 19 months since she has seen him. What will I tell him when he is old enough to understand all this. And, keep in mine, this is a Relative adoption.
She has come to us when she needs things, or whatever, but not once to just see him or ask about him. It just hurts. And today, unexpectedly, those feelings came up again.
All in all though, I was glad to see her and especially glad to see the girls!