[cassady]

We have just returned from our first visit with our son's birthfamily. It was great and so nice to see how much everyone loved him and how happy they were to see how healthy and happy he is. We took plenty of pictures so that our son would have a record of the visit (he's only 1). My parents are asking when they can see the pictures, but I'm feeling like these pictures of our son's birthfamily, and the relationship that we have with the birthfamily are private. I'm feeling that they should be kept for our son and if he chooses to share them when he's older, he can, but they are for him alone. I guess my question is for those of you in open adoptions: how much information did you share with your families about your child's birthfamily? Am I being selfish to want to keep this private?
Thanks for any advice, or thoughts.

[Steph-Jason]

Although we don't have any pictures of our DD with her bmom we have kept her info private. We don't talk to others about the content of the letters we get from her or anythning like that. I think it's up to you.

[loveajax]

This is a tough call. When DD was a baby, I was too much of a "blabbermouth" (probably because people kept asking about her birth parents). Now I fear I don't say enough...in fact, my mom was "surprised" the other day when DD mentioned her "sisters" (I forgot....my mom didn't know DD's birth parents had another kid almost 3 years ago...whoops!).

In a way, though, I'm thinking just sharing the pix would be nice for grandparents? You don't have to get into their life histories or "private" things...just show the pix maybe? Your call! Glad you had a nice visit!

[KLL08]

I've shared pictures, but our DD's birthfamily is ok with it, and in fact shares our pictures too. It just works for us. I kind of see us as extended family. I hope that she will get to meet her birth grandparents one day soon. And in fact we have invited her birth family to her 1st bday party in a few weeks, so both families will get to know each other more then too. I think it's totally up to you and what you are comfortable with!

[portlowski]

In our case, most of my family has met DS's birth family. But my parents still have a hard time understanding why we have so much openness so I don't share pictures much anymore. But I do with my siblings and aunt and uncle and other friends. My son's birth family knows this and they are happy that we see them as extended fmaily so they are okay with it. BTW, DS's birthgrandparents have a framed family portrait of DS with DH and me sitting on their mantle.

[Magic_Hat]

My daughter's birth mom and grandma were at DD's 1st and 2nd birthday parties so our friends and family met them. If we get together with them and pics are taken, I will include a few pics of them in the big, regular batches I send out to everyone (including them). I just name them by their name rather than "Riley's birth mom" in the captions.

With my son, it's different cause the OA is new (so far we've met them at placement in April and just had a second visit) but I did show my family and a few close friends a few pics of his birth family.

I don't tell anyone the personal details of either situation, that will be decided by the kids when they get older. But I feel like showing a few pics is okay. It shows that they are an extended part of our family too and actually normalizes it a bit for my family (who is still getting use to the idea of OA). But do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

[shy_bear]

For me it is not a big deal at all. My family IS very comfortable with both of our daughter's bfamilies. Just this past summer, our oldest had her 5th grade graduation, my family and bmom where there and then we all went out to dinner. We have spent holidays together and special moments. I view us as a family; we may not be traditional but we are the only family our girls have!!! I don't go around telling everyone our business, but we are all connected in a very special way.
Also wanted to add, I might be a little over the top, when I got the mug shot of our son's bmom which is the only pic we have of her I showed it to EVERYONE who would look!! I was so delighted to have it and see her!!

[parenting-over-40]

My situation is different but for what it is worth, here you go.

I don't have an open adoption because parental rights were terminated by the judge. However, my AD did have visits with birth Mom when she was my foster daughter. Thus, I sent a disposable camera in the diaper bag for them to take pictures. Regardless of who my AD ended up with forever, this was an important time in her life (she was an infant at the time). Thus, I saw it important for her to have these pictures with birth Mom.

I say this all to say, I now have one of those pictures framed in her bedroom. For me, it is vital for her to know that birth Mom does and always will love her. Anyone who enters my daughter's room will see the picture. That is fine with me.

Like I said, my situation is different. With an open adoption your son will have a relationship with his birth family.

[SupaModel]

I showed my mom pic's of DS birth family. I didnt asked if I could but we are so close I had to show her. I also assume she (bmom) have probably showed her family pic's of us too.

[binkybear]

We showed immediate family (mom, dad, sisters) the picture we have of B's bparents...a picture we all posed for together, so no one thinks we're talking about snagged online pics! We're new to this and I hope to have loads of pictures to share in years to come, but for now at least I really wanted for my family to see and know where B got his eyes, his face shape, his skinny legs and gentics to be super tall (unlike us! lol). And we gave his bparents that same pic, I'm guessing they've showed it to immediate family as well.

I know, like 100% know, my family didn't have ick stereotypes about bparents but I still wanted them to see these amazing looking "normal" people who created this amazing little kid. Seemed so natural to me I never thought about it as anything private.

No one needs to know all of the details my hub and I know, but to me pictures are such a snapshot of happy times meant to be shared within "family".
(and that goes both ways too...like my family was 100% ok with being all over our profile, there were zero privacy concerns. So sharing pics of our family in future visits with bfamily won't be an issue...and in saying sharing pics OF the visit seems normal to me too)

[portlowski]

I should add my son has pics of his birth parents in his room for all to see. If anyone asks who they are (they often think DS's bmom is my sister!) I say they are my son's birth parents. We have nothing to hide.

[dklevy]

I have pictures of SE and her [adopted] family up at my home. I've always had many framed pictures of her around and showed family, friends and coworkers what her mom sent me over the years. [pictures, not letters. those are personal] Sasha is 16 months older than SE and she has always seen pictures of her sister. To me they are all family and I love them. Seems only natural to share what little I have of them with the world.

[Gwen72]

I have shared the handful of pictures that I have of W's birthmom with my mom but I have never shared the one letter that bmom sent me with anyone other than DH. That letter is W's and his alone. If he wants to share it someday that is fine. My family knows that I send bmom a letter and pictures every month but I don't discuss what I say with anyone else. That is between me and her. Everyone has their own comfort zone as to what to share and with whom. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family.

[belleinblue1978]

Speaking as a first mom, I think you're doing the right thing. I guess I can't tell from your post if you are going to have a continuing open adoption? I'm assuming you are, which is great!

If I were you I would speak with your child's first parents and just ask who it is and isn't ok to share photos with and what other information it is or isn't ok to share. Maybe they don't want their last name share with everyone, maybe they don't want what town they live in shared, maybe they are totally cool with that.

The two things I wouldn't share (I say this from the first mom perspective and the adopted adult perspective) are medical background and circumstances surrounding the adoption. You just never know who will open their mouth to the wrong person at the wrong time and that person could be your child. I'm speaking from experience on that one, being 13 and finding out details about my first family that I didn't know from a drunken relative totally threw me for a loop. I don't blame my folks, they thought they could trust her at the time they told her. She was sober then.

I'm not saying you would give that information, just throwing it out for anyone that might be reading this thread.