[oceanica]

This is a bizarre story!

Hunt for Son Given Up for Adoption Brings Frustration - ABC News

I hope the families can find out what happened.
Have you ever heard of such a thing?

[portlowski]

A few thoughts:

a) it is disheartening that adopted people's records are treated so carelessly

b) I am so glad to have an open adoption because my son will never have to search or wonder if he should search (unless his birthparents choose to go MIA, which could happen with bdad, but even so we know his name and basic info)

c) how wonderful that these 2 men have chosen to maintain the bond they created...interesting to me how the pyschological aspect of knowing you are blood relatives plays into your feelings about another person. In the picture they don't look anything alike. But simply believeing they were related created a bond. Perhaps it might explain the ill-advised reasoning that many APs used to have when choosing not to tell their children they were adopted (an especially bad idea since the truth almost always comes out eventually).

[thanksgivingmom]

I heard about this a little bit back....so sad that this kind of mistake could even happen!

[Dickons]

Oceania,

Jump over to the adoptee board sometime...we like company.

Many, many adoptee records were lost in fires, misplaced, etc or at least that is what we are told. Happens ALL the time.

Or when birth parents file updated medical records with important info it is simply 'placed' in the file and adoptive parents or adult adoptees are not contacted...or if the adoptee or afamily do contact to see if there is new info they must pay a fee first.

And some people still wonder why we want open records for all adoptees when they reach the age of majority.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Steph-Jason]

How terrible.....

Dickins- I hate the thought that anyone would have to go through such hoops to find out basic information about themselves. I've hears some talks on the board about adoption reform. Do you know how one can get involved with that? The thought that people can not have such basic, and in some cases, life saving information is devestating.

Port- I agree... ours is a semiopen & we don't have visits with M's bmom but I like the idea of M never having to actually search for her bmom.... however- when it comes to her bdad that's another story as we have zilch information on him. But still- it does make the whole idea of possibly meeting her bmom some day much easier as far as being able to find her.

[Dickons]

Steph-Jason,

There is an organization called PEAR but I know nothing about them. PEAR - Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform - International / Domestic Advocates for Change

What everyone can do is to know when open records legislation is introduced in their state, support it by letter writing to the representatives, showing up in support at rallies etc.

And just by telling people that have no knowledge of adoption in general, how unfair the current laws are. The general public is very uninformed and every little bit of knowledge helps.

The main arguement against open records is that birth parents were promised confidentiality and that is not true. The agencies may have said that, but it was never in the surrender documents. Oregon opened their records around 10 years ago and the legislation included several choices for birth parents a) no contact veto, b) contact through intermediary, c) contact. Last time I checked the stats I think it was about 87% in favor of contact (do not quote me but it was really high and I can find the exact % if you are interested).

The other argument against open records is privacy, the open records are open to the adoptee - not the world. Just like any other citizen, the right to receive their original birth certificate.

In some instances adoptees are now (post 9/11) having issues with the DMV and Passport offices because they only have their amended birth certificate.

Thanks,
Dickons

[Steph-Jason]

I hope I don't sound too stupid when I ask this & please know that I'm not trying to start an argument. I'm just curious because the only way I know is the way that our adoption was. We have M's birthcertificate- the original one that lists her bmom... was this not always done?

[mnmomma]

Originally Posted by Steph-Jason

I hope I don't sound too stupid when I ask this & please know that I'm not trying to start an argument. I'm just curious because the only way I know is the way that our adoption was. We have M's birthcertificate- the original one that lists her bmom... was this not always done?

We never received my DD's original birth certificate. When we applied with the adoption decree, we only received the BC with our names as her parents. From what I've read, that's how it usually is done. They typically eliminate any paper trail of bio parents which can be really frustrating for someone trying to search.

In our case, my DD was adopted from FC and we have a lot of disclosure documents which will be very helpful if E decides to look for bio-relatives someday.

[Dickons]

Steph-Jason,

You having the original birth certificate is a rarity although some adoptive parents (at least those who post here) are making a point of obtaining the OBC prior to the adoption hearing. Once the adoption is finalised - it takes a court order to obtain one.

I got mine when I was 44 - through a court order because I had had two back to back life threatening events...doctors wanted my history and to tell birth family and my mom petitioned the courts because I was too sick to do it myself. I think it was my mom and dads long standing in the community plus my dads profession that swayed the judge because most chose not to open records even with 'good cause'. I have read articles where even life saving bone marrow cases where no match is available across the country have been refused.

Hang on to that certificate!

Kind regards,
Dickons

[oceanica]

I don't have an original bc for any of the 3 babies... can I get them from the hospital?

[Dickons]

Oceanica,

Sorry, not if your adoptions are finalized. If not then perhaps but think it would be vital stats office. Not completely sure but I believe even open adoptions have sealed court files with the OBC sealed as well.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[KLL08]

Oceanica--not sure who you went through for your adoption, but we were supposed to be sent an original BC for our daughter, the nurse at the hospital wrote out the wrong address so it didn't get to us...however our adoption attorney did receive one so she sent us an original for S to have later. I'd check with them whoever did your adoption paperwork. If you have any contact with your children's first moms they will also be given a copy sometimes so you may be able to ask for a copy of theirs. Hope that helps!

[loveajax]

We didn't get an OBC for DD, but obviously we have her birth parents' names and info. I wish I had requested it before her finalization....my DH was finally able to get his when MA opened its records...but only to adoptees born before 1974 (not sure why that's the cutoff?).

[BrandyHagz]

Whether you got it or not is irrelevant to the fact that in almost every state (I don’t have the info off the top of my head) it is not LEGAL for anyone to have any of the documents surrounding the placement that names/references anyone else.

This includes copies of papers and paperwork signed by the birth parents.

This includes original birth certificates given to the adoptive families.

This is what “Sealed” or “Closed” records means – it means it is not legal for you to have access to any of the legal documents (outside of the adoption decree for the adoptive parents) involved in an adoption.

So, while it’s great that some of you have them – and some people are already forward thinking enough to ‘get around’ the system because they know how important it can be for some people – it may very well be illegal for you to have those papers and if, by chance, you accidently used one for something – they can confiscate it and it’s gone forever.

That, of course, doesn’t mean the Birth Certificate Police are going to come knock on your door and search your file cabinets…I just point out this distinction because simply having it (for those of you that do have it) isn’t enough – laws were broken for you to get it in many cases and no one should have to violate the law to know who they are.

[ChromaKelly]

We don't have the original birth certificate either, didn't know it was even possible to get it. I had to request birth certificates for my bio DDs, the state they were born in doesn't automatically send them out.

Anyway, I think the whole thing of having a birth certificate that lists the adopted parents as the bio parents is a little odd and kind of silly. Hope I don't get flamed for that! I mean, it's just kind of ridiculous to have a BC that lists me and DH as the bio parents, and that I gave birth to DS in a state we don't even live in. Of course he's our son, but I don't feel like I need something making it look like I gave birth to him. It would be much more logical to have the original birth certificates with the bio parents on them, and then the adoption decree, or some other form that states we are his parents.