[Krispy]

We were selected yesterday to adopt a beautiful baby boy. Okay, he's 3 so not so little. I need some advice on what now??? We bring him home in a week and we are freaking out!! I have wanted and planned for this for over 7 years, and now it's here.

What do you wish you had done to support your transition, get your own kids ready for the new family member, and not forget your spouse in the process? We are so excited, but I'm scared he's going to feel like we kidnapped him.
Thanks all!!

[oceanica]

no advice but congrats!

[Whirled_Peas]

I would request a longer transition time. My son is 3. I can't imagine him just moving into someone else's house next week. That would devastate him. I'd want to meet him at the foster home for a short visit. Then meet him there again. Then meet at my house for a short visit a time or two. Then have him left at my house for a short while a few times. Then do an overnight. Then another couple overnights. Then a weekend or two. Then, if he's ready, make the move. I'd want a couple months to make the transition. A week seems very cruel and not a good start.

Can you ask/demand a longer transition?

[sbaglio]

Congratulations!

[rd200]

Not any advice, but i just wanted to say Congrats and i'm sure you will do fine when he gets there!!! Rach

[JenC]

You know, I agree with W.P. 3' are smart. No matter how the transition happens, it's going to rock his world. I would see to the longer transition period also. I think it would make the permanent move a bit easier. Also, if you haven't, check out A4everfamily's website, they have a lot of great tips on attachment!

[sugarmuffin]

Congrats........ my only suggestion is lots of hugs(if they like it) and patience. How very neat for you congrats and congrats.

[Magic_Hat]

Congratulations!

[OakShannon]

Congratulations! How exciting!

Along with the transition time, my suggestion would be to keep things very simple at first. Everyone is going to want to meet your new son, but he's going to be feeling pretty overwhelmed, so I would wait and keep it to just your immediate family for a while. Make sure you have a really regular routine so he can get a feel for what things are like at your house and save big treats and trips for when he's starting to feel settled in.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[KLL08]

Congratulations!! How exciting...I have no advice, but I hope it goes smoothly!

[robandjulie]

If you can get a longer transition time, try to. Our son was 19 mos at homecoming from Guatemala and we basically forced as much of a transition period as we could by going to visit the month before for a few days, visiting with him and his foster family for the week we were there during pickup, etc because an abrupt switch would be so hard. Of course we don't know the particulars of your new son's current situation.

If you CAN get the longer transition, consider making a photo album of you and your current immediate family and giving that to to him right away. Include simple captions about who the person is, perhaps what they're doing, etc. At 3 you can probably make a short story on each page, just something about favorite colors, foods, etc. Something he can identify with; think in terms of a typical 3 year old book about sesame street carachters or something. Ask his current caretakers to make a similar book about themselves that he can have at your house for comfort.

Definitely read the a4everfamily site linked above. And if you haven't, "The weaver's craft" is a book about toddler adoption. At 3 it's not quite toddler anymore, but much of the content will be useful.

As for preparing your kids, how old are they? DD was 3 when DS came home so our preparations for/with her were pretty specific to her age; obviously older kids can do other things and understand other things.

Congratulations and best wishes.

[loveajax]

Congratulations!!

I hope the transition goes smoothly.

[crick]

Be sure to ask the foster family/current caretaker about his routine, his fave foods/toys etc., things that tend to freak him out, and everything about his bed time routine. I thought I had that one covered during our transition but one little detail fm didn't tell me was that our youngest had never actually fell asleep in his bed. They gave him a bedtime snack in his highchair and they put him to bed after he fell asleep there. So imagine the freak outs we had when trying to put him to bed!
So just ask for any and every detail you can think of.

Less is definitely more so I highly 2nd Oak's suggestion of not having a lot of people around you for awhile. Your little one is going to need to bond with you as his parent and he won't do that with so many other adults around.

If you are willing to, I'd try to put him back on the bottle for bed time. It's a great bonding activity for you and him. If not a bottle, then rock/hold him while he drinks from a sippy cup. Anything you did with your kids as babies, try to do as much of that as you can with him.

I agree with a longer transition time as well, but I also know that is sometimes impossible to do it that way. If it's not feasible to have a visit beforehand, I would at least be sure to pick up some of his stuffed animals or favorite comfort items/toys and have them in his room and play areas. I would really encourage your children to leave those items alone and not have them shared just yet. He really needs to have things of his own as he goes through this transition to a new home & family. You can work on more sharing and sibling bonds in awhile.

Congratulations!

[Krispy]

Thank all of you for the wonderful feedback. As I know it this is the plan from his worker and the current FP. C is in a relative home and they are wanting the transition to be quick due to the pain they feel. I know we all have our thoughts on THEIR feelings. However. he will get our book of photos on Monday. We took pictures of everything in our home plus pictures of our family. We will make a phone call on Tuesday and talk with him, then on Wednesday we will call again, then Thursday we will go visit and the plan is to have hot coco with the family. Then Friday do the same thing with a different activity. Saturday he will spend the day with us, go home for bed where we will put him down, Sunday the same, then Monday he will come home for good. I really hate how fast DHS does things. You wait forever, then you get the kid so fast.
I know this is the longest they will let us go on the transition. We have sent him books about adoption, and we are buying his bed and bedding. He will come with his clothes and I am taking 2 months off of work. Our son is 10 and they will share a room as C has never slept alone in a room.

[ourdreamcametru]

Sounds like you have a great plan for the transition. Congrats and good luck, can't wait to see pictures!