[yehudit]

Hello,

I really need some help with thing 1. He's almost 6 and in kindergarten, and we have drama getting ready for school just about every day. He won't get dressed but will either lounge around in bed or play until we threaten to take him to school in his PJs, at which point he screams noooooo but still doesn't get dressed. He usually wants me to stay in his room with him which I'm willing to do as long as he's making progress, but when I leave he screams and drags my nightshirt and whines. This morning he tried to choke me.

Background: He goes to bed around 8pm on school nights -- no later than 8:15 -- and we wake him up at 6:30am. He has mild autism and needs to wake up slowly so he doesn't get overstimulated. He has a hard time getting out of bed, which I totally understand. We've tried feeding him first thing, but he often won't take it until a little later. We've tried the chart and that worked for about a week but has lost it's charm. We've also tried turning it into a game or a race. That worked all last year but has also lost its appeal and causes yet more drama. Oh yeah, there is no TV in the morning.

And I might be able to tell myself that it's OK if he lingers over getting dressed because he always does eventually. But he's supposed to wear headphones in the morning as part of his therapy, and usually we don't get to do that because he's still in his PJs. Once the headphones go on there is no hope of getting dressed because the phones are large and no shirt will not go on over them. This morning I told him that he'd have to listen to headphones first and that actually did help him get dressed, but then I couldn't make him wear them after getting dressed because he hates tham and I didn't want to punish him for doing something the right thing. He choked me later on. Also, with the autism he can be rigid about the order of things and he will not get halfway dressed, put on headphones, then finish up. It's pants, shirt, socks, breakfast, shoes.

He likes school but his teacher is tough. There are no major issues that I know of, and I speak with her at least every week, sometimes more.

Seriously, I can't take the drama every day. Any ideas?

[Stormster]

OMG!!!! us too, have to run E to school but will be back in a few. We have to talk about this!

[Cjmeck]

I think you could possibly go back to the reward chart since it worked at first. Maybe you just need to really up the reward? My son is 7.5yo, and although he doesn't have autism, he is very routine oriented and is sloooooow. And once he decides he will not do something, well, nothing in the world can make him. For us, the reward for getting dressed quickly in the morning is getting to watch 20 mintues of cartoons while he eats his breakfast. I think you're doing great with the routine, and I'm sure you have the clothes picked out the night before (have him help choose the clothes too). This reward thing is definitely enough to motivate my son, but I don't know if this method would be of value to a child with autism... (I have 2 close friends with boys with autism) So, this also might be a good question for his OT.

[momraine]

One thing that helped with my Aspergers kid was a schedule chart. He was pretty rigid in his thinking so would follow it. I did pictures when he was small along with the words, though he could read pretty early. Once he could tell time I would add times to it, so he knew at this time he had to get up and then he had to get dressed and at this time was breakfast, etc. For some kids tokans work better than sticker charts. something they can feel. You can give him a pencil case to keep them in. Use poker chips or something else you can find that's inexpensive. I hae seen people use marbles, cards (there are collectable cards you can use like pokemon or starwars, etc), or other small items as well. You could do one for getting dressed before a certain time (use a timer if he can't tell time yet) and another one for completing his headphone time, etc. If you want to later he can trade in so many of his tokens for something he likes. TV time, computer time, a toy from a prize box (I kept one that had lots of party favor toys, dollar store stuff and a few educational games I had found here and there) or doing something special with mom.

[052001]

Do you think he needs more sleep??

You might already be doing this, but I would suggest that you get up early and get yourself ready, get lunches packed, etc. Then you will be able to devote your time to him and making sure he gets ready. With both of my daughters, I have to be with them every step of the way. I can't say "Get dressed" and actually expect it to happen.

I wake my girls 6:30. I insist that they are dressed before they leave their rooms. Then we go downstairs and the oldest has breakfast (the younger eats at preschool). At 7:15 we need to be in the bathroom for teeth brushing and then out to the bus at 7:25. It's a painful routine that I dread each day - neither of them wake up in a good mood.

Good luck!

[Stormster]

Our mornings are tough for a lot of the same reasons but E is only 2 so i don't think i'd be much help.

Good luck and i hope you get some good suggestions here!

[momraine]

When he is older you can simply tell him that you are making his bedtime earlier everytime he is not ready in time. But they have to be old enough to really get that for it to work. My youngest needs lots of sleep so he goes to be by 7 on most school nights.

[sambob]

It sounds pretty typical, but he's playing games with you and it's time for you to get the upper hand. Give him choices - do you want the red shirt or the blue shirt today. And, really, it's his choice if he even wants to get dressed. "We're leaving in 5 minutes, if you're not dressed, you're going to school in your pajamas." You might have to throw him in the car, kicking and screaming, but my guess is it won't take long for him to catch on that you're serious and you mean business.