[loveajax]

I got in the HS paperwork. Looked it over. Not heavy lifting -- we don't even have to do our bios again but just "update" how life has changed since DD (as if I remember life before her!).

But I don't feel "motivated" to do the paperwork....what is wrong with me? I can't decide if it's that I'm depressed about my dad's recent death or if maybe I just am not ready to move forward....I mean I know I should just get this part done because it alone will take months.

Should I just wait until I feel more excited about it? Or should I just do it, knowing I WILL feel more excited when maybe I'm less sad about my dad?

[lovemy2boys]

Karen, you've been dealt a heavy blow...You have alot of really tough things going on right now.

Why don't you give yourself until after the holidays to see how you're feeling?

Who knows? Your feelings may change in an hour...they may change in a week. They may not. But you've got some big weeks coming up with the holidays, and maybe it's not "your time" to do the HS.

The loss you're experiencing triggers things differently for people...Some people have an epiphany of sorts and go on to make major decisions/life changes. Others need to take some time to grieve, and then move on.

Maybe you're the second kind.

[crick]

I think when you lose someone, nothing else just seems to give you excitement or anything to look forward to. Even though of course, logically you DO and you know that every day when you see your dh & dd. It still is just an overwhelming sense of dread and blehs in a lot of ways.

That said, sometimes the things we don't want to do are the ones that help us get through. kwim? And sometimes we need something concrete to focus on just to take away a little bit of the hurt. It's stressful and exhausting to not have any distractions at all, so maybe this can be one.

Maybe just try to do a page and then see where it takes you?

((HUGS))

[loveajax]

Thanks, guys!! I guess I should add I feel "stuck" in other ways too...I've been procrastinating at work all summer (Oh, wait it's fall! haha), etc.

I love how I tell people to get counseling all the time and I haven't explored it myself! (This is my free therapy).

maybe I'll try a page and if I feel "freaky," I'll give myself until after the holidays (I think they are going to be tough, Love). Thanks, dears!

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by loveajax

I'll give myself until after the holidays (I think they are going to be tough, Love). Thanks, dears!

That's what we're here for. We'll help you get through.

[linda512]

Since you mention counseling- maybe this is normal reactive depression, but if you have a history of depression, this inability to motivate may be a sign. For me, it is one of the first signs that I am getting seriously depressed.
I am sorry for your loss.

[loveajax]

Thank you, Love and Linda. Linda, it's hard to know....I don't have a history of depression but I feel like this has really thrown me for a bigger loop than I expected.

I also think that I am "afraid" a bit to adopt again....Maybe I know/have seen too much now and before I was blissfully unaware!

[thanksgivingmom]

Selfishly? I go - Fill out the paperwork LAjax!!!! (But that's cause I think you're a great Mom and would love for you to have another little darling!!!!)

But I also know that you've dealt with a lot recently - and I can totally understand why you'd be feeling a little apathetic to moving forward right now. I agree with the others - maybe do a page, see how you feel....perhaps putting your energy into this focused activity will be helpful. And if it isn't? You can table it for now. That's okay.

And yes, we're here for you

[megaphonemo]

Love, the knowledge we had the second time around really was daunting for us too!! I mean, we were soooooo at risk with DD#1 (her bmom checked herself out AMA and totally disappeared, never signed anything and we had to have her rights terminated) and we were just sailing along all smiles...

I also found that I just did not have the time I did to work on the paperwork - with #1 keeping me busy..... You might feel 'unmotivated' but you are undoubtedly very busy, right? Maybe that is it...

You will find your focus, and know that your Dad is up there and will help your baby find you.....

Good luck...!

[loveajax]

Thank you, Tmom!

I don't know if anyone else would think I was a good mom today if they overheard DD saying, "freak.ing goat!" (And DH said, "OMG, thank gosh she said fre.aking!" hahahah...i have to work on my fishmouth!).

[thanksgivingmom]

Psh - that just means that you keep it real with your DD

[mkviola]

Karen, sending you hugs. You have been through a lot and it is hard to get feeling "back to normal". I kind of agree with the others, though...

[loveajax]

Thank you, Mo and Melissa!!

You guys are all so wonderful!

[DannieAS]

I'm sorry about your father. In August, my grandmother had to have emergency surgery after being very healthy and I, my mom, my aunt hung out in ICU from mid-August til her passing beginning of Sept....so when I came back not only was I sad but I missed a week and a half of work (when I make my speech schedule and figure out which kids are in which classrooms etc.)

Soon after I came back, my cw called me with a potential match. I cried and freaked out on the phone....I was just overwhelmed.

Then I got excited about it after a week and now it seems as though it's not working out anyways, but just know that your response to this paperwork is normal under the circumstances. You WILL feel better about it later, even if you are blah about the paperwork.

*hugs* and go with your gut...maybe take some time, maybe just plunge through it...there isn't a right thing to do.

[Saya]

LA, if it's any consolation, you can see in my signature we've now been waiting for #2 since June 2009 - and we started the homestudy process in JULY 2008. I'm not exactly sure why it took us so long, but even though we really want a second kid, it was just really hard to get motivated. Maybe because we know now how hard parenting is and having another is a little intimidating, maybe because DD was finally growing out of the baby stage and we wanted to enjoy the (relative!) calm of a baby free house for a little while, and maybe just because between DD and jobs we're just too darn busy! But eventually we realized it was time and just focused on it. It will happen when you're ready.