[mkviola]

So, we've been chosen again by an emom with the same agency that we had our two failed situations through. It's also the same social worker who I adore as a person, but communication is an issue. DH thinks she doesn't call us when she starts to have red flags. We just want to know (right or wrong), so we can prepare ourselves. Anyway, she called last Thursday after emom's appt. to update us on the date she is going to be induced. Then she said she would try to set up a conference call for that night. We never heard back. I sent a card to her and also put a card for emom in the envelope. She should have gotten it earlier this week. In the card, I thanked her for everything and also asked if she could please keep us in the loop (including and especially if there is anything she feels we should know that may not be the best news). I then called on Wednesday (left a message) and asked her to return my call. I just called now (Friday~ after over a week of no communcation, when she said she would get back to me) and she quickly stated she was with her kids at a dr. appt. and would have to call back. Okay, I totally get that. Maybe her kids have been sick lately and that attributes to lack of communication. But history shows that she doesn't return calls, at times. DH and I both think there are some "red flags" and that she isn't wanting to share. I'm just so frustrated. I mean, we once again have no paperwork (although she told me last week that she would fax it), no clue on the area of the state we should be researching for a place to stay, no real info on emom...

Our agency sw up here said (2 weeks ago, when we got the call) that maybe if this doesn't work out, we should consider not working with her again. She also said they are getting a lot more calls from other agencies, looking for adoptive families.

Any thoughts or advice? I feel like we are wasting time again. This will be the 5th month that our portfolio has been on hold, because of this agency. I even woke up during the night upset about it. I just wonder how much more I can take right now. I know a lot of this is clouded with the loss of my MIL and the changes that has brought to our home, but I just really appreciate open and honest communication. Thank you for listening.

[BlessedbySnuggs]

I don't really have much advice, except that is sounds like your SW is horrible, maybe she is a nice person but sounds like she isn't very good at her job!

Sending ((((HUGS)))) your way. I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I truly hope everything works out for you!

[sugarandspice697]

Do you know who her boss is? If not, please call you agency (not your social worker) and say "I'm having some difficulties with my social worker 'Jane' and I wanted to resolve them by speaking to her boss." If you get a chance to talk to the boss, explain your situation AND what you expect from your social worker. If the situation isn't resolved then you need to learn this word in your vocabulary "next".

Although many people don't like to refer to adoption in this manner. We have to remember we are paying a business for their service. Just like you wouldn't tolerate an accountant who never returned your phone calls about your taxes or a waiter who forgot your lunch order, you shouldn't tolerate an adoption agency that isn't giving you the service you need.

[Nevada Jen]

Totally agree with everyone else. You have a right to expect some level of service and you are not getting it. Moreover, this SW has a pattern of it. I wouldn't even waste time talking to her boss. I would just ride out this wait for a couple more weeks and then not use her again. Hopefully it will be an easy decision because you will have a baby to take care of. If not, move on.

I am sorry you are going through this again. Its really not fair

[mkviola]

Thank you both. She is actually the head of the agency down there. I talked with our agency here and I believe they will be calling her, if I don't hear back by Monday. I know someday this will all make sense (when we hold our baby in our arms), but it's hard and frustrating now...

[mkviola]

Originally Posted by Nevada Jen

Totally agree with everyone else. You have a right to expect some level of service and you are not getting it. Moreover, this SW has a pattern of it. I wouldn't even waste time talking to her boss. I would just ride out this wait for a couple more weeks and then not use her again. Hopefully it will be an easy decision because you will have a baby to take care of. If not, move on.

I am sorry you are going through this again. Its really not fair

Jen, this is somewhat what our agency said up here, except I think they are expecting some answers if they have to call next week.

I'm not usually a complainer, but this is really getting me. It's one of those things where maybe we should have known better than to work with her again. I'm a little angry with myself, because I was open and vulnerable.

[loveajax]

M, I am sorry for all this stress. I am sorry but she is being rude and unprofessional. I had to deal with a horrible SW who literally worked "part-part-part time" and never got back to us, etc.

She obviously is "avoiding" things and that's not good. I hope you are able to get your answers! And I hope this IS the right match and your baby is home soon.

Hang in there...you have been thru the wringer.

[Fran27]

I agree with everyone... I'd definitely stop working with her if this falls through.

[Beth.]

I think you need to listen to your home agency on this one (you trust them). If they say things are picking up elsewhere, start getting your profile out to the other agencies. I wouldn't give this SW another chance after 3 failed matches. Especially given the lack of information you have been given in each situation.

Good luck! Hope things happen for you soon.

[jcm]

I'd drop her in a heartbeat. Being a SW she should know that you don't yank the chains of people waiting for news of a possible placement. It is beyond unprofessional. Not only would I not use her, I would send her a letter as to why.

Man, that makes me angry for you! I am studying to be a SW, and it just chafes me that there are SWs out there that have no professionalism or empathy.

[mkviola]

Thank you all so much! I wrote another post, but it disappeared. Anyway, I truly appreciate your support and it does help to give me perspective.

We finally got the paperwork today. It is completely different than what we were told, though... Not sure how I feel about it.

[mandirenee]

If it were me, I would call her state. SW and Agencies receive licenses from their state to practice. If they are sharing false information, not communicating, whatever the issue, they should be reported.

You might feel bad about this, but remember they have done this to you now 3 times....imagine the other people she is also hurting.

If she's not communicating with you and providing you the support you need, it also means she is probably not supporting the emom like she should and that's a BIG shame!

I hope the best for you!

[mkviola]

Thanks for that, Mandi. From all accounts, she is great with the eparents. That is really important to us. But with her being so far away, yes, she could be doing this to other aparents and we just don't know. Something to look into...