[sbaglio]

My sister and brother-in-law had their second child several weeks ago, and they now have one of each gender. She has always vowed to have 2 kids, and if not, 4 kids, because she believes in the "middle child syndrome". Something like the middle child is the forgotten one, and doesn't receive as much attention as the oldest or the youngest. She was a middle child for a while (we had a younger sister who died in infancy), and felt the effects of being in that position.

My DH is a middle child, between 2 girls, so doesn't feel that his birth position affected him that much; in fact, as the only boy, he was the special one. We plan to have a large family, but have no qualms about having an odd number of kids (e.g. 3).

What are your experiences? Is there much truth to the "middle child syndrome" theory, and can it maybe be seen as a good thing rather than a bad one?

Thanks!

[sugarandspice697]

I'm a middle child I felt squeezed between two sisters. I also believe this is why my sister and I are so different. She is straight and I'm gay. She outgoing and I'm quiet. She hates to read I love to read. She loves to spend money and I'm stingy. lol

My partner is the youngest in her family and she acts like it! She's adventuresome, creative and impatient.

[aclee]

I was the youngest of four and it was no picnic. By the time I wanted to do anything, I had 3 older sisters that my parents had been there and "done that" with. I felt a lot of pressure to move out of the house so my parents could empty nest.

I think where you fall in the group of siblings means less than how you are parented.

[binkybear]

If your sister is aware of childhood perception while she's parenting it really shouldn't matter how many kids (even or odd numbered) she has...she's aware and in control of the situation in a sense. kwim? Middle child syndrome doesn't just happen outta the blue, it's that childs perception of attention, rules, behaviors of the parents, etc.

I'm the oldest of 3 girls, we're all very very close..always have been. My younger sister and I are more alike though 7 years apart. It's honestly my sister in the middle who's 2 years younger than me who has always been a little bit "ahead" of us in parental time and attention. (I don't want to say favorites, because I know my parents didn't go there with us). But my sister in the middle did and still does (at the brunt of tons of good natured jokes) have my parents in the palm of her hand....lil' brat, kidding!!! lol

[mommamarci]

My husband and I are both middle kids. We have said from day one that we would never have 3 kids. (Although I would be okay with a different odd number because I feel there is more than 1 'midddle' kid then.)

Growing up I felt my older sister got away with more because my parents did not know and were learning. Then my younger sister got away with more because she was their last baby.

So, I completely get your sister's feelings. We currently have 3. We will have at least one more. (Although our middle is the only girl, so I think that can make a difference too regarding middle child syndrome.)

[greenrobin]

If you haven't read it, I'd suggest The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Lehman. It's like all of his books--funny, insightful, easily read. It also offers some reasonable explanations of how birth order affects us.

My second daughter was the middle child for quite a few years. She used to be a peacemaker, a lovebug, and a fun kid to be around. She learned to stand up for herself and to stick up for the ones who are smaller. She also learned how to behave with older kids. She was a terrific kid and is now a terrific young adult, but not so much the peacemaker any more!

[loveajax]

Fadzi, my dh is a middle sib...and yes he is the classic "peacemaker." Frankly, he is one of the most loved and respected people I know. (The plus side!)

I am a classic baby....needy as all heck (even at 41). I do kind of buy the "middle kid," oldest kid and baby syndromes to some degree. Of course with the duggars there are 16 middle children...haha! So I hope they all don't have it!

[DannieAS]

While gender isn't something you pick, I do have some friends who were the "middle" but they were the only girl/guy in the group of 3 so therefore it didn't play out like the typical "middle child syndrome".

I also think that parenting styles, children's personalities figure into the mix as well...so while I think there is something to be said about birth order, there are also many things to blow the stereotypes out of the water.

Even to this day, people act surprised that I'm an only child....I ask "why"? and they say "because I don't act like one"....ummmm ok. Good I guess???? What is an only child supposed to act like????

[crick]

Your sister might think 4 won't have a middle child, but depending on the gender, she just might.

My 4 are boy, girl, boy & boy. So #3 is the middle boy.

Personally I think each "rank" has it's pros & cons, and it doesn't really matter so much what rank you are as long as your parents are aware of things and take care in those regards.

[Amber76]

I'm the middle child of three girls-one sister 3 years older and one sister 6 years younger. At least in our family, I feel like the whole middle child syndrome is waaaaaay off base. I have never felt less loved or nurtured then my sisters. I have also never felt that I got second best or anything else. Yes, my older sister didn't get hand me downs because she was the first, and my younger sister had lots more things when she was a teen then I did because she was the only child still at home. But, I don't think that means I was loved less or treated differently because I was in the middle. It just means that practicality has to rule sometimes. I think if parents make an effort to spend time with each child and make each of them feel special that it really doesn't matter if there are 1, 2, 3, or 23 kids.

[startedover]

Hum. I am the middle of 3 girls . One3 years old, one 3 years younger. I will say I swore I would have 2 or 4 kids (but mostly jokingly to bug my mom). I did feel that my oldest sister taught my parents how to be strickter on me and my younger sister was "the baby" and got away with everything. I am however also the peace maker. What helped me was I was a tomboy and closer to my dad than the other two. With that said I now have 3 kids and I know I done (of course I don't know if birth order counts when they are 20, 14 and almost 3). I think if parents are "aware" to treat the kids the same things will go fine. I do remember a very eye opening day as the middle child. We use to fight over who got to ride in the front, of course my oldest sister always won and my mom always told me that when I was the oldest it would be my turn. THen I realized one day after years of excepting that excuse, that the only way to be the oldest was to OFF my sister. And parents don't think they put things in our minds. lol