[jalapeno]

I was at the YMCA for my DD's dance class. The parents stay outside the classroom in the hallway while class is in session (or they go work out). I usually stand right by the door to catch glimpses of DD dancing by. There was another mom there who also had a 6 year old waiting in the hall with her. Once class started she told the 6 year old she was going to the bathroom and to wait right there. I was the only other person standing right there. Most parents wait farther down the hall on benches. But that hallway gets lots of traffic because the locker rooms are along there. Anyway, I didn't know the 6 year old or her mom. I know she was 6 because we ended up in a conversation after all of this. The girl ended up going to the bathroom with her mom because she had to go.

But is that ok? At what age is it "ok" to leave kids alone for 5 to 10 minutes in a public place with unfamiliar people around? I honestly just don't know. But I felt a tightening in my gut as I watched the exchange because I can't imagine doing that with my 3 1/2 year old any time soon. I do admit that I probably keep a tighter leash on my kids in public than I would if I only had one child to watch after.

So I'm curious about everyone's thoughts on this.

[soupnazi]

I'd say that depends on the kid. At 6 I was walking home from school, letting myself in the house & playing for an hour or so alone til my parents got home.

[Nevada Jen]

I am pretty laxed on a lot of safety stuff but something about leaving my kids alone in public totally freaks me out. I can barely handle it when DS (4) goes into the mens room at ballet by himself AFTER I have already checked to make sure it is empty and I have the door propped open.

Soups' right though. I walked to and from Kindy by myself at age 4 or 5. I just can't imagine letting my kid walk to school by himself next year (and we live 4 houses from school). I guess its something I need to wrap my arms around.

[SAVeronika]

I couldn't do it. I even take my son to the ladies' room if he has to go and he is 5 1/2. I just don't feel that I can safely trust strangers around my kids.

[okie_mom3]

I couldn't leave mine by herself either and when my older two were young I dint't leave them either it just freaks me out of what could happen...with my youngest I am even more of a maniac (in part due to the fact she was kidnapped by bio mom when she was 2) she is 4 1/2 now and even in our home I don't leave her in a room by herself...

[Cjmeck]

For the first time ever, I allowed my DS (who is 7.5yo) to attend a classmate's b-day party at a public place--WITHOUT ME I totally grilled my son, the b-day parents, and the staff about safety issues. But really, I had to take a leap of faith and it was really terrifying for me. I don't think there is a set age when one child is ready. It depends on the child, their level of confidence, their ability to say no and fight back (which my kids are really good at, lol) and how assertive they are. But it totally depends on the location as well. I don't let DS go to the men's bathroom alone yet in most locations. If I have to go to the bathroom at the mall, whether he wants to or not; he comes with me. I wouldn't leave him unattended there. But at the YMCA??? Ummm...maybe. This is definitely a super hard thing for me, to let go a little and foster independence. Much harder than the terrible 2's that I thought would kill me.

[binkybear]

I have like 5 seconds right now so this thread was an easy repsonse for me, will have to steal more time for the discipline thread!! lol

imo this particular 6 year old was not ready to be left alone. My take, it's not whether the child is ready at a particular age but what matters is whether the parent did their job to prepare their child to be left alone at any age. IMO, this mother did not as her 6 year old had a converstation with a complete stranger who was able to extract information from her..information that in a split second could be used against her. That's the sad reality of today's world and it's why Oprah has shows about kids volunteering themselves to pleasant looking strangers who friend them.
We don't teach kids to fear the world or people around them, but we prepare them. I wouldn't put child in a situation that they're not able to fully navigate.

[MkMw]

It depends on where we are. At 7, I feel like my sons should be using the men's room. Most places we take them I'm comfortable letting them go in alone, well, usually alone together. In mall's and airports, I look for family bathrooms and they still go in by themselves. If I have to go, I look for departments stores (like Nordstrom) where there is typically a seating area for them in but not IN the restroom - KWIM? When we travel, I just wait until we are on the plane.

I have left them right outside the door at a Red Robin - it's a kid friendly place and I make it point to tell whoever is working the podium that they are MINE. And, trust me, in those instances, I do not waste ANY time.

It's hard to let go - and we know so much more about predators than anyone did while we were growing up it's a little scary.

I've also stood outside the boys room and talked to them the whole time they were in - and had them do the ssame with me. It feels silly - but then everyone knows they are not alone. They also know that I'm not afraid to go INTO the men's locker room. I've done it. I just yell in that I'm coming to get my son and anyone who has something they don't want me to see better move.

I still walk them to and from the bus - we are on a culdesac at the end of a 1/2 mile road, and thhe ONLY stop on this road - 5 kids ride the bus from there and the others are our neighbors.

I want them to be independent, but it is hard to let go. We review stranger danger regurlary and I just trust my instincts.

[shy_bear]

My girls are 11 and 8. When we are at the store my 11 yr old will want to go look at something and I allow her to by herself; I also will ask her to go get things on a different aisle for me. My 8 yr old will go to the bathroom by herself and I will wait outside. I think you have to give them a certain amount of growing room, but they need to be prepared and taught what to do in a bad situation. Is 6 too young; don't know. Don't know the child or the mom. I tend to think people who have more than 1 child are more relaxed.

[Fe2002]

I know I won't be letting DD do anything alone in public anytime soon. My niece was probably around 16 before I would allow her to go to a public bathroom alone at a restaurant. She's 21 now and I still fight the urge to go with her.

My sister made me loosen the rein on her. I couldn't even continue my meal until she returned to the table... and I watched the entrance like a hawk and timed her.

[Stormster]

My friend lives in a beautiful community with amazing private services for kids. There is this gym kind of place (it's incredible!) and on Saturday night they had something for kids ages 4-8 or something with a movie, pizza, games and I guess playing in the gym. I was shocked that my friend just dropped her off there on a Saturday night! She stopped by in the middle to peek in on her and she was having a great time!

Oh and her daughter is actually 3!!!! (very mature I guess but just turned three last month!)

I told her I was shocked and she told me she knew the people there etc...but OMG not in a trillion years! Not until he's at least 10!!!!!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by MkMw

It depends on where we are. At 7, I feel like my sons should be using the men's room. .

Years ago (about 20 years ago, actually!), I was a nanny for a little boy who decided he was too old for the womens bathroom when he was 7. Before I let him use the men's room, though, I would open the door and yell in to see if anyone was in there. If it was empty, I let him go in but I stood guard at the door and used my foot to prop it open so I could talk to him.

[Linny]

I can really say about THIS particular child....but I can tell you I probably would have taken the child with me. There are places I allow my two girls to go the bathroom together----under certain circumstances. (At the check out and one says they CANNOT hold it....while the bathroom is still within watching distance from me...AND, only at this one place I know the area...AND, the clerks know all of us pretty well, etc)

BUT, I've just NOW allowed the girls (8 and 6) to go into the McD's to get a drink and bring it out. However, everyone knows us at this McD's...(small town).

I will say, whenver we can, we all go into the bathroom together. THis means me, the girls, my son (almost 3)....and the baby. We bring the cart in with us...and also take advantage of the 'family bathrooms'.

Such a tough call though. At six....I'm fairly certain I was running into the store to purchase milk or small things for my mom who waited in the car. My, how the world has changed. (sigh)

Sincerely,

Linny

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by Linny

I can really say about THIS particular child....but I can tell you I probably would have taken the child with me. There are places I allow my two girls to go the bathroom together----under certain circumstances. (At the check out and one says they CANNOT hold it....while the bathroom is still within watching distance from me...AND, only at this one place I know the area...AND, the clerks know all of us pretty well, etc)

BUT, I've just NOW allowed the girls (8 and 6) to go into the McD's to get a drink and bring it out. However, everyone knows us at this McD's...(small town).

I will say, whenver we can, we all go into the bathroom together. THis means me, the girls, my son (almost 3)....and the baby. We bring the cart in with us...and also take advantage of the 'family bathrooms'.

Such a tough call though. At six....I'm fairly certain I was running into the store to purchase milk or small things for my mom who waited in the car. My, how the world has changed. (sigh)

Sincerely,

Linny

The world may have changed but we also hear about ever little thing pretty much in real time which can make it scarier and make us paranoid!

[rd200]

Its sad that we cant even allow our children to go into a bathroom with out thinking the worst. I think my son didnt go in the mens room till he was like 6. And even now, @8 i still am sitting right out the door waiting for him to get done. He putses around when he's in there, so i will sometime open up the door and yell in... "are you done yet???" I dont care if there are people in there, i dont LOOK in the door, i just crack it open and yell. I think he's embaressed sometimes!!! OOPS!!!

What i wanted to say though is that i remember when i was like 8 or 9, my mom would let us ride our bikes to town and visit her at work. Now, we lived like probably like a mile from her work, but my older sister was only 10. ANd then there was me (8) and my younger sister (7) and we all just kinda rode all over town all the time in the summer. There wasnt the danger back then as there is today. And back then, i mean, i'm only 26. So it wasnt THAT long ago, but we stayed home by ourselves all the time. Not a big deal. I would NEVER let my son stay home by himself at this age. He is rather mature, and would do fine i think for a very short amount of time, but i would never beable to stomach the anxiety. I think alot of times our fear of the "what if's" rule over common sense and what our children really CAN do by themselves.
There are always kids riding around our town with no parents to be seen. It is a little town, but still, a kid at age 5 riding their bike all the way across town? No way, not for my kid. im a worrier. Rach