[brooklyn_girl]

A potential situation was presented to us that sounds great, but eParents do not live nearby. How commmon/uncommon is it to enter a birthplan without ever personally meeting eParents until birth? Has anyone made a decision based on phonecalls only? My last situation involved an eMom in a neighboring state and I was easily able to meet her before we made a mutual agreement. Any thoughts/experiences appreciated.
Thanks,
Marlena

[Fran27]

We never got to meet them and it was a baby born situation. I'm guessing it's pretty common when the eparents don't want an open adoption.

[Chachi]

BTDT! We talked with our son's Bmom (then emom) for 2 months and never met in person until the day of her c-section. We had wanted to try to fly out and meet but could never arrange a date that worked for us all. However, we did have a councelor meet with her and check in with her periodically. I trusted her but we did have a prior situation that was a scam and one failed match so I felt much better that someone had met with her face to face and could relay to me a "feel for the situation". I will admit, it was a little bit ackward to meet for the first time at the hospital but we all got over that pretty quick!

I really don't know if this is common or not - but trust your gut on what you feel is best for you! Good luck!

[ChromaKelly]

We didn't meet our DS's birthmom beforehand either. She's halfway across the country and was at her due date. We were matched for two weeks before he was born. We talked a lot on the phone, and it just felt right. Good luck!

[mom2samuel]

We were only matched with our emom for 2-3 weeks before our ds was born. Even though we only live 2 hours away, we didn't meet until after his birth. We had hoped to be at the hospital when he was born, but surprise, she got to the hospital and he was born less than 20 minutes later, and we weren't told until about 4 hours later. It was a little strange going in and meeting her, but it all worked out fine.

Michelle

[brooklyn_girl]

Thanks for your responses everyone! I'm now realizing I should have asked a more specific question. Not meeting eParents when baby is already born or about to be shortly makes total sense. I guess I'm wondering about experiences where eMom is not due for 2-3 months yet. Should I go out of my way to travel and meet her if I can, or am I being unnecessarily worried about creating a solid relationship? Maybe establishing a phone relationship is fine...hard for me to know what is standard/ acceptable. It's important to me that eParents know and trust us.

[BlessedbySnuggs]

At the time we matched with DD's birth mom, we thought we had 2-3 months before she was going to be born. We never met her before the birth, and she was perfectly comfortable with that and so were we. I think it really depends on the bparents and aparents and what they feel comfortable with going into the adoption plan.

We talked a lot of the phone and got to know each other really well. Due to not having much prenatal care, we were all pleasantly surprised when DD was born just 6 weeks later. Honestly, it wasn't akward at all when we met for the first time in the hospital nursery.

Good luck to you...I can't imagine how hard it has to be going into another adoption plan after everything you have been through. ((((HUGS)))) and good luck to you!

Trust your instincts!

[aclee]

We not only didn't meet before hand, we didn't meet either boys birth mother till they were already here. I think it's pretty common to not meet before the birth.

[Cjmeck]

We were matched only 24 hours before my daughter's birth, so we weren't able to meet bmom in advance. So, we get to the hospital and the SW informs us that bmom has decided she doesn't want to meet us at all... 72 hours later we took our daughter home without ever meeting her bmom. Sad but it happens.

[MissDixie]

We have been matched with an emom and have not met her or spoken to her. We will have been matched for almost 3 months at the time of her due date. I'm waiting to see where we go from here. As of now, she has asked for me to be in the delivery room. I'm not sure if that is when we'll meet for the first time or not...

This is a great question!

[HeidiK]

IMO - not that you asked ---LOL But meeting in a delivery room for the 1st time - espically if you haven't made phone connection would be extremely uncomfortable for me. Birthing can be a very intense time for a woman and not a great place to establish a relationship. I would wait outside until everyone was settled before I introduced myself into the situation.

Brooklyn - I would very much encourage a visit if you have a 2-3 month match - but I really think a trusting relationship on both sides makes for a better placement

[MissDixie]

Heidi - I understand that completely...this is just the information I have been given so far and was told that things can definitely change between now and then...this has come from the emom of her wishes...

[sissyminsky]

We did two months via phone and then met for dinner the night before c-section - we developed a strong relationship. We both worked at it - but it was good for us to have each other to talk to. We are still in contact.

[bevy]

We are in BC canada and 2 of our kids are from MD and Fl so we did not speak or meet them. With dd, we had 3 wks notice and she did not want to meet us. With DS, we had 2 months before he was due. We met after having ds for a full week in Florida. I think that this was also her request.
For us, not meeting before is a reality because the adoptions are taking place so far away.

[kellyjames]

Hi, Marlena--

Have you asked the e-parents what they think/want in terms of meeting before? With our son, we met his emom about seven weeks before he was born (she lived fairly close). We're matched now with a young woman who lives across the country, but as soon as we started talking (she's a close friend of a good friend of mine), she told me that she wanted to meet me and I was feeling the same! So I'm traveling out there in three weeks for a quick weekend visit...my husband will stay home with our kiddo.

On the other hand, I don't think it's necessary to meet before--it really depends on what you and your family and the e-parents want.

Good luck!