[mkviola]

I apologize for not being on here lately to share in good news, but we've been dealing with a tragedy in our family for the last 1 1/2 weeks. My husband's mother has attempted to end her life and it doesn't look like she is going to make it. They are saying she needs a miracle to survive, at this point. She is currently in critical condition in a Trauma 1 center (one of two in our state). Beyond all of the emotions we are dealing with with this, we are wondering what to say to our daughter. Her Nana is her daycare provider 3 days a week and they are very, very close.

Does anyone have any advice on what to say or any good books to read to her? Our daughter is not quite 3 years old. Thank you in advance for your advice.

[momraine]

No advice, but hugs and prayers for your family. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!

[Stormster]

I am soooooo very sorry. I found this:

How to Explain the Death of a Grandparent

I think simple is best.

[Magic_Hat]

I'm so sorry for your loss! What a terrible thing to have to go through, especially for your daughter.

There are some great kid's books about death and grief on Amazon.

[mommytoEli]

i'm sorry first of all.

second of all, we dealt with this about a year and half ago. eli was a little over 2. i think the biggest thing that helped him for a while was ensuring him that while his papa was gone, we were not. i believe he was afraid to go to sleep out of fear he'd wake up and someone else would be gone. he got VERY clingy. we had to talk to him about what happend more than once, and do our best to prove we'd be around for a while. this included sitting in his room during nap time and in his room until he fell asleep at night.

he and his papa were close. i worked at my dad's, and while i worked, eli and papa played 5 days a week. they were very tight. a year and a half later, he still talks about his papa and the fact that he is in heaven. it still makes him sad. it actually surprised me how much a small child can be effected by the death of someone close.

when it comes to what to say to her, just follow your heart and instincts, and be prepared to answer questions about why grandma died, why people die, and if you are going to die.

again, i am so sorry. please feel free to pm me if you want to chat some more.

[linda512]

I am so sorry. There are some good books out there to help you. Things to be careful about are using euphimisms like Grandma went to sleep; God wanted Grandma in heaven. That might make your daughter afraid to go to sleep and afraid that God may want you in heaven also. Make sure she understands the difference between being really sick and dying and just sick like she gets.
It sounds like your mother made a suicide atttempt? In that case- first of all, the pain you are experiencing must be incredible. I don't think you need to share that information with your daughter now, there is no way she can understand that. But do be aware that she is listening to everything going on and may have more of an idea of what is happening than you think. I do pediatric palliative care and work with siblings of children with life threatening illnesses.
Most important will be listening to her and being able to hear her questions and concerns whenever they come up. Allow her to go to the funeral if she wants but assign an adult to her who can take her out if she needs to- preferrably not a family member.
I am really sorry this is happening.

[Waiting_for_my_baby]

Melissa, I'm so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with your family.

When my godchildren's father tragically passed away a couple of years ago, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up a couple of books. They have very age appropriate books that help children understand better. I hope this helps.

[feelingreyt]

I am so very sorry. I can't imagine the pain your family is in right now.

We lost my MIL last Nov to cancer. My kids(8,3,1 at the time) were devestated. To be honest, they still are. My 2 older children were very attached to their granny.
Hospice had a great little book that helped the kids. Other than that one book, we just talked openly with the kids.

I do agree with the pp that said NOT to let your dd know HOW her grandmother passed. Suicide is something adults can't even understand, much less a child.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

One other thing....What gave my daughter the most comfort was when I told her that Grannie was now her Guardian Angel. She was always grannie's angel and now Grannie is her Angel!
I want to cry just thinking about it.

[socialkat78]

I have looked through the book When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown. It is really good. Actually all the books in that Dinosaurs series are good. I use their How to be a Friend book with kids I work with. Hope it helps.

[meghann]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I'm thinking of you & hoping for a miracle for your mother-in-law.

I don't know if you're religious, but my family was when I was growing up & I remember when my grandfather died (I was a little older than yours & was also VERY close to him) my mother describing Heaven to me as a place where people who were very old or very ill went, and that when they died & went there they weren't ill anymore and they could do all the things they loved to do, and they could watch over the people they loved who were still living, and that many many years from now, when we were old and ill, and it was our time to go, they would be waiting there to welcome us.

I remember picturing my grandfather healthy & whole (he was blind & missing a leg because of complications from diabetes), sitting at a table playing pinochle with his brother, and the dog sitting at their feet under the table, and I remember being less sad because I believed he could watch me grow up and that someday when I was old I would see him again.

It was incredibly comforting to me at the time, and I still think about it now & - even though I don't believe in those things anymore - I'm always glad my mother gave me that picture of my grandfather's "life" in Heaven to comfort me then.

[mkviola]

I don't have much time, but wanted to write and thank you all for your advice. I will be rereading this and checking out the web site before we sit down with DD. I did want you to know we took my MIL off life support this morning and she passed away. It's so hard to understand why she did this to herself. We are all struggling very much and would appreciate prayers. Thank you!!!

[mondk]

I have attempted suicide twice...thankfully, my dh got to me in time to get me to the hospital. Now, in my remissive (from bipolar) state, I still don't know what prompted either attempt.

I don't know anything about your MIL, but sometimes in extreme stress, we tend to disassociate and do extreme things, not quite in our right minds I mean.

There is a good book out there that my sister used in her classes for special ed teachers, called "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" that explains death very eloquently. It was written with young ones in mind, so that is what I'm recommending to you.

If you'd like to discuss suicide more, feel free to PM me.

Blessings and many hugs, Michelle

[loveajax]

Melissa, I am so very sad for you, your DH and DD. I am dealing with this now with my four year old and she seems totally "OK" with it. After our dog died, we read a book called "Dog Heaven" (I think that's what it's called) and it shows how much fun Ajax is having in heaven. She said that she is happy now that her Papa can take care of Ajax and run around (he had been struggling to walk for the last few years!). Kids are amazingly resilient. Take good care of yourself and your family (and good luck on your match situation as well!). Karen