[maddie036]

Today is one of my bad days with the wait. Feeling like it is never going to happen. We have been waiting about 14 months (since we have been approved and in the pool of families.)

Our agency is a small, reputable, local non-profit. They quoted us a wait time of up to 2 years, so we are well within that time frame. But I don't think they are working with a lot of EM right now. Then I start to panic, thinking maybe we picked the wrong agency.

Thought maybe it would help to hear from people that waited over a year....

[sugarandspice697]

Are you allowed to advertise in your state? If so, I highly suggest that you do this. Connect with other attorneys, agencies and if your budget and state laws permit, facilatators for situations. What's your criteria? Do you think that you could be more open to expensive situations, drugs, alcohol, mental/emotional health disorders and other races?

[PersianMama]

I'm with you. We're working with a small, non-profit. We were applied last June and finished the home study in November (it took that long because of them, not us). They don't have the funds to advertise, so they can't really compete with all of the for-profit agencies that actively pursue pregnant women (which is good morally, but still stinks for us). We are open on race and gender and moderate substance use, and in the past year only three AA moms have come in, and two refused to even look at our profile because we are not AA.

I don't have a good feeling right now either...I hope we are both wrong and get happy surprises soon! Oh, and our social worker told us that it was almost 100% that we wouldn't wait longer than a year (she has one month left to be right) and predicted a wait of six to nine months .

[meghann]

We waited more than a year - we were about where you are right now when we got the call.

We were also anxious because we knew things had slowed down quite a bit & we thought it was never going to happen. Then, in mid-November last year, we got several calls within a two-week period & the last of those was about Julia.

I know nothing I can say makes your wait easier - I remember people saying "Hang in there" to me & thinking, "Sure...that's easy for *you* to say." So I won't say that to you - I'll just say that when the time comes I will be doing a happy dance for you here, because I know how hard it is now & how happy you will be then.

[DancinBear63]

We've also been waiting for over one year, and I agree- it's tough sometimes. Hang in there, and PM me if you want to talk!

[mom.mama.mommy]

We haven't really started with this, only in the very beginning...but I go back and forth trying to figure out when we should actually, actively "start" start. To adopt 18 months to 2 years from now would be ideal, though some time on either side of that would be great too. And we are selecting gender (girl), but open to ay race.
And we probaby want to do smaller non-profit. So we should probably start getting "some" of the official stuff started, huh?

[maddie036]

Hi all - I just wanted to thank you for your responses! I really appreciate, and I am feeling better

[nurse_reedle]

We have been waiting for 16 months right now....and it does feel like it will never happen sometimes. We are waiting to hear about our first real possibility right now. Just hoping it all works out. It is hard to wait.

[MilliesMommy]

How similar our stories are! DH and I are waiting to adopt our second child. We went on the waiting list in August of 2008, receivied a flurry of calls, and then heard nothing from our agency since last October. Like you, I've had my doubts about the agency we chose. My thought was "If this was the right agency, then they should be calling us with situations." When we don't hear from them for almost a year, I assume that no EM is coming to the agency that fits our profile. We are fairly open to race, drug exposure, alcohol use, etc. But our first DD was adopted through this agency, and I know that once we place again, we'll say to ourselves "We just had to wait for OUR baby." Just keep telling yourself that and stay positive.

DH and I decided to post our profile to a third-party site earlier this year. We have since received about 4 contacts from EMs (3 in Florida - we live in Illinois). Although the first three didn't work out, we are hopeful with the fourth contact. And I feel that having this activity going on has kept me sane. If we didn't have these little opportunities, and had just spent a year in silence from our agency, I'd be bonkers right now...well, maybe more bonkers than I am right now!

I hate it when people tell me "I'm sure it will happen soon." No one knows when it's going to happen. But I can tell you that once it does, it'll feel like fate. So just hang in there, and I'll keep you in my thoughts

nurse_reedle: Sending you happy, positive thoughts! Let us know if it works out!!!

[soonersfan]

We waited over a year the first time. From the time we started the process until we got the call was a year and four months. I think the first six months were the hardest for me. We worked with a small agency and were told it could be up to 3 years. For some reason, I had it in my mind that it would be quicker than that so the first six months I kept expecting a phone call. In the midst of that, we had a private adoption fall through which was heartbreaking. So we went back to waiting and kept ourselves really busy, planned a vacation, and tried to not let the waiting consume us. About the time I started reading a book about being impatient with God's timing, we got the phone call. Now we are waiting for our second, and I think I need to actually read the whole book.

Good luck! I know it is tough. When you finally get that baby, you will understand why you had to wait so long. You will get the baby that is meant for you, and it will all make sense!!

[MkMw]

We waited 20 months for our daughter. We HAD given up - we had decided to not renew. I had turned 40, DH 41 and our sons 4. For us - it was just time to move on.....

We left our profiles active everywhere except for with the agency that placed us. We weren't concerned about finalization, but just left everything in place until it happened - we did that with our sons too. We had no other contacts during that last 4 months.

Another couple at the agency who placed DD with us, they were there with us....and just now had their beautiful little girl placed with them - so over 3 years for them. - We were only with this agency 2 months when DD came to us.

Hang in there

[huggableteach]

We've been waiting 16 months. It's no fun at all and I get down and frustrated often. On the other hand, I feel like a year or two (I hope not) of waiting is worth having the child that is the right fit for us for a lifetime. Love and babydust to all.

[sugarandspice697]

We waited two years and four months for DD and it was unbearable! But at the time DP and I were "newlyweds" so she kept my quite busy

[KarenInCa]

With our first one we waited a year and a half from start to finish. With our second, it was 4 months paper chasing and currently 30 months waiting. So, 34 months total. We know we will eventually be matched (doing China international adoption again). But it's such a long wait, especially for DD#1. I think it's going to be another 2 years for us.
In my case, because of the long, long waits now for China adoption, most China forums are closed down or just don't get the online traffic any more, and they're very slow and dwindling. That also makes the wait even longer.
I know what you mean, some days it seems so difficult and feels as if you're suffering a loss because they're not there yet, especially when you're waiting for your first one.
When our first daughter was finally in our arms though, it felt as if we had always been together.
There's a plan bigger than all of us know. And a child who'll be matched with you when the time is right.

[jpeel99]

We waited over a year!!! It will happen. The child that is meant to be with you will come.....it has to happen when it's supposed to!!