[Steph-Jason]

OK- this isn't going to be one of those debates. I'm not trying to get a war started on who'se prolife & who'se pro-choice. But I have a question for all those involved in aoption. Do people assume you're pro-life becaue of your adoption experiece? People have always assumed this about me. But yesterday it really got me thinking. We were at mass & during the homily the priest is talking about a peaceful prayer that they will be holding across the country today at a specific time. He tells everyone where it's at & that's that. He proceeds with the service. At the end when he's walking out & everyone's still singing he comes up to me with the weekly buletin & points out the information in the bulletin. I'm the only person he did this to & he knows my daughter is adopted. I wasn't upset about it- I don't feel that it was his intention to be presumptious (sp??) but it did get me thinking. I've had that happen alot.

During the election I got into several heated debates with my former boss & HR manager. Both are pretty heavy rep & I'm pretty strong dem. The day of the election the HR manager asks who I'm voting for... should have been asking that but that's another point.... anyway- he says "well which are pro adoption" -- I replied that I didn't think that either are anit-adoption. He goes on & on that Obama is pro abortion so he must not believe in adoption?!?!? WHAT?? Anyway- he then also argues with me that since my daughter is adopted that I must be prolife. I am pro-life but that happened way before I even thought about adoption. So-- my daughter has nothing to do with that view of mine. He also argued that 1)- I can't be catholic & be democrat because 2)- I can't be democrat & be pro-life?!?!? Again- WHAT?!??

Do people assume that you're pro-life because of your experiences? I guess I don't see the 2 as being hand in hand. What are your thoughts?

[lovemy2boys]

I've dealt with the same assumptions...

UGH! The things I've had thrown at me (words - not items, haha)...but for the sake of not wanting to say something which may lead this thread to an ugly place (which is exactly what you're trying to avoid), I'll simply say that I've been EXACTLY where you are in many of the situations you've described because of my religious and political preferences as well as how we've built our family. Yeesh.

[binkybear]

I'm probably one of the people perpetuating the assumptions...sorry! lol

I'm Catholic, VERY prolife and I've adopted and always knew I would. We didnt' adopt "because" we're prolife, it's just how we always knew we would create our family. If people want to assume that, well there's not a whole lot I can do to control their thoughts!

But that doesn't make people assuming things about others right. I've never assumed those who adopt are prolife.

For me PERSONALLY I'd like to assume that all Catholics hold that right to life closer to heart than any other issue, but at this point what matters is how I can assist others who do. Whatever others do or don't do...or think or don't think isn't my concern anymore. It's very nice to be there finally *thumbsup*

On the back of B's shower invite I've have an invite to participate in a shower drawing. By brining one or more of the donation items ranging from diapers to super market gift cards my guests will be able to win one of three fun litttle gifts. The donations all support a very small local organization run by the most amazing young people. Women in crisis googling abortion, seeking abortion information, etc may stumble upon. This organization helps many many more women to parent than they do adoption, hence me wanting to donated as many baby items to them as I can...to assit women who sought counceling in a difficult time, to help them with life, in life.
So I guess I'm steering that assumption along, but hey it's just me and I can only be that!

Since the last abortion brewhaha out here I've taken the personal stance of I am what I am and I really don't care to debate it anymore. Why let it take up space in your head...they paying you rent? (as my mom would say ) Maybe just take a deep sigh and know that whatever anyone thinks....who cares, just be what you are and put your efforts into that and not the other stuff that makes you wanna pull your hair out!

[SupaModel]

I'm not sure what people assume because we adopted but I am strongly pro-choice. That doesnt mean i am pro-abortion I just want women to be able to decide that personal situation for themselves.

[KarenInCa]

Absolutely!
People look at me like we're not only pro-lifer's but also as if we're saints. Probably because the children are in orphanages in China. Even in China, the average Chinese people in parks smiled upon us and called her a lucky baby, and thanked us for adopting her.
Truth be told, we simply decided to adopt a child because we simply decided to adopt a child. Nothing more, nothing less. And at the time, DH brought up China, and it sounded intriguing. The time frame was fairly quick and very predictable at the time. And we had decided we wanted a girl. They ended up being selfish reasons actually.
I am pro-life, but that was not why I adopted. I think of myself as a nurturer more than a pro-lifer. And there happened to be a child in need of nurturing. And I'm definitely nowhere near saintly.

[lovemy2boys]

I agree with all of you...And for me, it's not so much whether or not I AM pro-life, it's the ASSUMPTION that I am.

I just don't like to be pigeon holed, whether or not the assumption is correct.

[binkybear]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

I agree with all of you...And for me, it's not so much whether or not I AM pro-life, it's the ASSUMPTION that I am.

I just don't like to be pigeon holed, whether or not the assumption is correct.

Yup, and I'm finding there are lots of assumptions in adoption, but I guess there are in all arenas of life but I'm just more intune with the adoption stuff right now.

I know a few friends, not "close" friends who knew our whole story but casual friends assume that we were infertile and "didn't even know you were trying for kids".
They don't mean anything bad by it, it's just an assumption that I clear up and move on from. I guess once the "truth" is out there you can either let it be what it is or drive yourself nuts trying to make others get it if they don't. I'm over being nuts or a pigeon lol

[Fatcat]

People make a lot of assumptions they shouldn't make and I don't think anyone fits in the little cookie cutter shapes we try and fit them in.

[sugarandspice697]

Yes, people make this assumption about us a lot because most people who do embryo donation/adoption ARE pro-choice. I didn't choose this route because I am pro-choice. I chose this route because I wanted a baby and this option seemed the most logical to me... pro-choice/pro-life politics was the last thing on my mind.

[Fran27]

I think that people think that because we went through a long process to adopt and if the birthmothers of our children had aborted we wouldn't have them, or that we adopted because we are infertile and as such can't possibly be pro-adoption which is dumb, as all assumptions are, BUT I'll admit that infertility (more than adoption really) has changed my views about abortion.... still, people who make assumptions are idiots.

[greenrobin]

My kids were not babies at placement, but we still get the "saint" label. It really couldn't be further from the truth, but I'll spare you the details!

I am actually quite pro Bubba and Flowergirl. I love them and that's why I adopted them. I'm also pro-kid. And pro-freedom of speech. And pro-choice.

No matter the ages of our kids, when folks find out you've adopted, you're suddenly more worthy or something! And really, we're just doing the best we can like everybody else.

It's just another example of folks trying to classify everything according to their way of thinking.

It helps us make order out of life.

[meghann]

Yep.

I've always been outspokenly pro-choice, with some more complex thoughts about it all than I'm going to go into here (because this isn't a debate thread, lol) - and anyone who knows me knows this about me.

I've lost count of how many people assumed that when we decided to adopt, somehow my position on the issue changed. People can't seem to fathom that one can be pro-adoption and pro-choice, which bothers me because I don't see adoption as an alternative to abortion - but I think a lot of people do.

[Stormster]

A very different perspective from here:

I can count on one hand the people I have ever known in my 44 years who are pro-life (excluding A.com). It's just not common with the people I have known/grown up with/live around now. Most people are pro-choice but certainly not pro having to make that choice!

In fact, I think it's a really scary concept to most of the people I know (to take away choice). So actually there may be something to the fact that more people who adopt are pro-life since certainly many more people I know who adopt are pro life than those I know in my day to day life but that might be related to where I live.

[BrandyHagz]

I think the most frustrating thing for me is that I am pro-choice, but that doesn’t mean I am pro-abortion.

I hate the fact that I strongly support a woman’s right to choose and because I support it, I am labeled a baby killer.

I don’t believe the issue is as black and white as some people would like to think it is.

Of course, imagine how prevalent the mentality is for birth mothers – if adoptive parents are anti-abortion (I hate the label pro-life, that means to me someone is anti-life, and that is a label I refuse to embrace) then every woman who made the choice (again, there is that choice word again) to place must be anti-abortion as well!

[ChromaKelly]

Oh yes! I got a bunch of "Thank God she chose LIFE! Aren't you so lucky?" I don't even know what to say to that. I'm firmly pro-choice. I say thank the Universe she still had a CHOICE.