[Saya]

I noticed you just posted and I've been thinking about you a lot recently. How are you holding up? How are your girls doing?

[Kat-L]

Thanks, Jillian. I guess we're managing. I started back to work. The girls are in school and have ballet, tap and swim lessons. Having a set schedule and lots of things to keep us busy has helped a lot. Grief therapy is helping. Hanna was blaming herself. She asked me if she killed Angel. I couldn't believe it. She was the one who pulled the blind cord down. She showed the police detective how she climbed up on the window sill, stood up and then reached to get the cord down. She's only 4. I didn't think she could feel guilt or blame for this. I just keep telling her that Angel was playing and he didn't mean to die. It was an accident and it wasn't anybody's fault. She sees a grief counselor. At first, it was twice a week. Now it's down to once every two weeks. She misses him terribly. They did everything together. The only reason she wasn't in the room with him when he died is because they would keep each other awake playing.

Maire-Kate took it really hard, too. She and Angel were so close. He called her "Sissy" and followed her everywhere. She goes to see a grief counselor once a week. I worry about her because she tends to hold stuff in. She didn't want any of her friends in school to know her brother died because she was afraid everyone would talk about her. It bothered her terribly up until school started. Now that she's in school, she's doing better. She's getting good grades and has lots of nice friends. I got her a cell phone for her birthday on 9/17 to make the day special. I just got the T-Mobile bill. Over 400 dollars for two weeks of service-mostly texting charges. ARGH!!

I was diagnosed with PTSD in September. Angel was part of everything. Everything in my life revolved around my kids. And his death has affected every part of my life. He was everywhere. And he's still everywhere. A lone sock in the washer. A toy behind the chair. I keep finding things. The hospital lost the clothes he was wearing that Sunday. I know it sounds morbid but I just need to hold them again. It's hard to live with the memory of finding Angel and the time that followed before the emt's showed up. It keeps me up at night and haunts me during the day.

Someone from the adoption.com forums sent an email to pfwbs.org and told them I murdered Angel based on a post I made in July when I said the length of time waiting for ICPC was like waiting for a bandaid to be pulled off really slow. Can you believe it? Anyway, the IP address was in the header even though the email address didn't work when the founder tried to reply. The founder of PFWBS called me and was so upset that someone would say that without knowing anything about his case. Angel's death was investigated by CPS and abuse/neglect was 'ruled out'. It was investigated by the county police and ruled "accidental death with no signs of abuse/neglect". It was investigated by CPSD (fed govt) and ruled accidental death caused by loop cord on blind and they took all the blind info so they could follow up with the manufacturer and possibly file claim against them. And finally, the ME found no evidence of abuse/neglect during autopsy and his official cause of death is "accidental death by strangulation".

I mean..c'mon. What kind of moron calls another foster/adopt parent a murderer without knowing what happened? I hope the police take her email seriously and followup with her. Once the police get the name/address from the IP provider, I'm going to file a slander case against her here in Md. Let her worry about how she's going to get to MD to appear and where the money for the lawyer will come from.

Angel's birthmother is doing really well. She wants another baby. She loved Angel but she only saw him twice a month for a couple hours. She had weekly visits but a busy social calendar so she would come every other week. In fact, he should have been with her when he died but she cancelled the visit to go out of town with her boyfriend. But Angel loved her and I love her for Angel's sake. I went to visit her and brought an album full of my favorite pictures, some outfits I knew she'd remember, his baby blanket and other mementos. She hired a lawyer to file suit against CPS and the blind company but I don't think it's going to pan out for her. Someone referred a great lawyer to me who has successfully sued blind companies in the past and he wouldn't take her case. He said a jury wouldn't sympathize with her based on some info he got from her on the history of her case. Anyway, I can't say much here because I want to support her if I can. But she doesn't have much of a case against cps because they went above and beyond in trying to reunify them. She got away with things that would have led to TPR 18 months ago for anyone else. And she doesn't have much of a case against the blind company because the jury bases award on testimony from parents. Finding your child dead is so horrific there are no words to describe it. Juries sympathize with parents who found their children, did cpr, lived with the horror of the death. But for Angel's birthmom, Angel was a weekend playdate twice a month for the last two years. And if the specifics of her case are discussed, it could cause a jury to dislike her. Her loss is different than in a normal loss case.

I refuse to sue. I am appalled that someone would put a price tag on Angel's life and say it was worth _____ amount of dollars. As if that's even possible.

I am assisting CPSD in their case, though.

Long winded post, eh? The pain of living day to day without Angel is unbearable. It's actually physically painful. And I fall apart a lot. But I have to keep living. I have two daughters who need me. I don't have a choice. I have to keep moving forward. If I didn't have the girls and I didn't believe in God, I wouldn't be here now. I would have ended it in August. It's really my belief that I will see Angel again that keeps me going.

About two weeks after Angel died, I said to my mother "I feel like Angel and I are in the middle of the ocean and every day he's slipping further and further away from me. I just want to touch his hand and smell his hair and feel his arm around my neck". And my mother said "Actually, with every day that goes by, you're closer to seeing Angel again. I don't know how long you have to live but you're two weeks closer to seeing Angel now than you were when he died". Thinking about that gets me out of bed in the morning. It sucks and it hurts like h*ll-but at least I'm one day closer to seeing him again.

[portlowski]

There are no words...you and your girls are in my prayers...

[SupaModel]

I am so sorry. Can't even imagine. I like what your mom said.

[feelingreyt]

Praying for your family.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

Someone from the adoption.com forums sent an email to pfwbs.org and told them I murdered Angel based on a post I made in July when I said the length of time waiting for ICPC was like waiting for a bandaid to be pulled off really slow. Can you believe it?

WHAT? This enrages me...WTH???

[lovemy2boys]

Kat-L, you will continue to be in my prayers...I hope you can find peace.

[binkybear]

Kat,
You're constantly in my prayers. I'm utterly gobsmacked that someone from here would write an email like you've described, not to mention the time it would take to find an organization like pfwbs.org to write to in the first place. I'm just gobsmacked, what the heck is wrong with people?!

Thinking of you and your family. (((hugs)))

edited...now I see that pfwbs.org is in your new signature. What a vile thing to use that and send such an email. Shame on that person/poster/lurker whoever they are.

[Fran27]

(((hugs)))

I'm so sad for your family... I can't believe someone would do something that awful and accuse you of murder. Shame on them...

[crick]

How do you know they are from a.com?? Just wondering what proof you have because we are a public site and anyone can read here.

If you can give me details via PM, I'd appreciate it so I can look into it. If a member has abused their standings here in this way, I certainly want to know. So please do pm me.

Thanks!
Crick

[BrandyHagz]

Someone from the adoption.com forums sent an email to pfwbs.org and told them I murdered Angel based on a post I made in July when I said the length of time waiting for ICPC was like waiting for a bandaid to be pulled off really slow. Can you believe it?

I think we need to step back here and remember that the forums here are public and can be viewed by ANYONE in the world with an internet connection. While it's true someone may have sent an email based on a post made to the forums (because they're public) I think it's rather unfair to assume that they are a member here...and it is an assumption at this point, as we've not been contacted by anyone in law enforcement regarding this matter.

Again - any and everything you post on the forums is open for any and everyone to view - without being logged in.

The forums are a fairly safe place - but they are still public. I encourage people to use the forums here at Adoption.com like they'd use any other public venue.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

I think we need to step back here and remember that the forums here are public and can be viewed by ANYONE in the world with an internet connection. While it's true someone may have sent an email based on a post made to the forums (because they're public) I think it's rather unfair to assume that they are a member here...and it is an assumption at this point, as we've not been contacted by anyone in law enforcement regarding this matter.

Again - any and everything you post on the forums is open for any and everyone to view - without being logged in.

The forums are a fairly safe place - but they are still public. I encourage people to use the forums here at Adoption.com like they'd use any other public venue.

Last night, around 9pm, I posted a couple replies in the ADOPTION section of the forums and then changed my signature to include a blind safety message and the link to pfwbs.org.
Last night, around 11pm, someone used the "Contact Us" at pfwbs.org to send an email and in it included the content from the thread below stating that I murdered Angel because I didn't want him (along with some other interesting comments). tired of feeling sad and having the dark cloud hovering
Since the person copied the info from a thread at adoption.com and then posted that information after following a link I posted in my signature two hours earlier, it's FAIR to state that it originated here. (Unless, maybe, the person happened upon adoption.com last night while surfing the web for potential child murderers, decided to do a random search on people named Kat, found my name, decided to read all my previous posts from the last 3 months, then copied a post from July, and then did a websearch for blind safety organizations, happened upon the site pfwbs.org, went to the site and saw Angel and somehow made the connection that this was the same Angel who belonged to the woman who's post he/she copied earlier, and then decided to send an email to this organization with this random post that he/she found earlier at this site. I mean..I suppose it could happen)
I only posted in the Adoption section of the forums last night-no where else. This new signature appears here-no where else. And the thread that the person copied appears in these forums-and no where else. I didn't call the person a 'member'. However, I did say the person was from adoption.com because the person sent an email with adoption.com content in it. It's not like the post that was copied also appears on 120 different websites across the globe. The person copied it from this particular website.

Since it happened last night, I doubt I'll know anything before Monday. If you store IP addresses on the forum and you want to compare it to the saved IP addresses you have, I'd be glad to send it to you in a pm. As far as the name of the individual, that will take a while because the police have to request a court order to get the name from the IP provider. I also don't know if the police would need to contact you or not. The email wasn't sent from here. It was sent from Yahoo. I don't see how adoptions.com would factor in.

[BrandyHagz]

I certainly don't disagree that they got information you posted on adoption.com and sent an email - but they may or may not be from adoption.com....

I think your post only goes one step further in reminding users that any thing you post here CAN be used against you - even if there is no cause for it.

You're welcome to forward the info on to me and I can look into it further - of course, we'll work with law enforecement once they contact us to provide any information they need going forward.

It's sad that people do this type of thing - but it's something we've dealt with in the past, I am sad to say.

[momraine]

I am so sorry that someone did this to you. Just dumping salt in a wound. Some people are just mean. I am sorry one of them used this site to hurt you.

[Stormster]

your grief is palpable in your post. I pray you find peace as you get closer and closer to being with your beloved boy again. I'm so sad for your but so glad your faith and your girls are keeping you going.

I don't have more children (and unfortunately not the level of faith you do) so this has really made me think!

As for the email you described YUCK what a sicko! Who's mind goes THERE???? ONly someone with major problems imho.