[shy_bear]

it is official our son has FAS; he falls on the spectrum. He is also considered cognitively delayed. At this point they won't label him MR, but we were told when he is b/t 5 and 6 we should have IQ testing done. He obviously has sensory disorder, which we knew. He also tested on the low average for speech, but the functionality of his speech was even lower. I held it in until we got to the car then lost; now I just feel numb. On a bright note he is not Autistic!
What makes me feel so sad is this could have been prevented; if bmom would not have drank he would be ok....

[TAP]

Originally Posted by shy_bear

it is official our son has FAS; he falls on the spectrum. He is also considered cognitively delayed. At this point they won't label him MR, but we were told when he is b/t 5 and 6 we should have IQ testing done. He obviously has sensory disorder, which we knew. He also tested on the low average for speech, but the functionality of his speech was even lower. I held it in until we got to the car then lost; now I just feel numb. On a bright note he is not Autistic!
What makes me feel so sad is this could have been prevented; if bmom would not have drank he would be ok....

I'm so very sorry. It is hard to know what to say that will make you feel better. Know that there are people thinking of you and wishing you the best. Hugs.

TPA

[OakShannon]

I'm so sorry. That is such hard news to hear - and even harder when you know how easily it could have been prevented. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

[Stormster]

Shy, i'm so sorry I can't really think what to say because I don't know a heck of a lot about FAS. ((((hugs)))))

[mommytoEli]

(((hugs)))

[Fran27]

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry.

[DannieAS]

when I worked with the preschool assessment team, inital IEPs and revealing assessment results always made me sad. I could never imagine the pain of a complete stranger revealing test results to a parent for the first time.

I'm sorry...please take some time to grieve. ((hugs))

[Gwen72]

I am very sorry. I don't have any experience with FAS so all I can offer you is

[Barksum]

It is really devastating to hear these diagnoses. (((hugs))) I remember being numb and sad, and angry, and then just sad and overwhelmed with what to do next. I was saddened that my son was going to have such obstacles due to his birth parents' poor decisions. (My Ds also had attachment problems due to significant neglect in addition to the SI and fetal alcohol stuff.)

At first I thought that the dx would change everything. Interestingly enough I soon realized that the child was exactly the same child that he before I knew the dx. I knew more information about how his brain worked and what made him tick. In essence I began to realize that it wasn't a bad thing for our future but a way to grow and to figure out how to tackle the difficulties together. (Did that make sense?) With time (and it did take awhile) I could put aside the emotional reaction to the dx and think of it as a tool, not as the defining description of my son. (And eventually the other kids we adopted with prenatal exposure.)

Finding other people who understood and weren't doom-sayers was very helpful. Some of the initial research I did was on web sites that had old data. The research on these sites was very, very depressing. The general consensus on those sites was that kids with fetal alcohol could not learn and would end up in prison. Parents should just prepare themselves. I quickly learned that this was the old way of thinking, when people thought that the brain couldn't change and that fetal alcohol was a 'life sentence' of sorts.

Happily for us we have new research to support that with lots of nurturing support kids with fetal alcohol can do well. We might have to adjust some of our visions for the future if we had planned on parenting a typical child, but we don't have to believe that we are all doomed to a grim future. We're working to take things one step at a time, and recognizing that each 'step' may take a different amount of time! We're hopeful, but also are making some tentative plans for the future in case one or more of the kids isn't able to live independently.

Give yourself some extra pampering and time to grieve a bit and process everything. (((hugs)))

[Withay]

I agree with Barki. Things are not all bad for your son. There is a great deal that you can do to help him including, but not limited to Early Intervention, OT, ST and lots of time and patience.

I have one son with FASD due to bmom's drinking. That is only one facet of who he is. Actually, FASD isn't 'who' he is. He is a child with FASD. I know it hurts, but please know that there are a number of us here who are dealing with this right along side of you. Come to us anytime you are feeling overwhelmed or have questions or just need a 'shoulder to cry on'.

I'm glad this sweet little guy found his way to you. You are so good with him.

[Forever_family]

I am so sorry. I remember when he came home to you, I know you will give your baby all that you can and that he will be that much more equipped for life because of his family. Still, this is a hard diagnosis, I have to admit I read and cried. It must be so frustrating to know this was preventable. My prayers are with you.

[Amber76]

First off, hugs to you because I know that it must be devestating to hear that diagnosis.

Now I'm going to put on my special ed teacher hat and tell you that the diagnosis is only such a small part of who your son is and what his strengths and needs are. Children diagnosed with FAS can and DO make huge, huge gains and successes and often go on to live productive lives, including being independent or semi-independent. And the latest research is showing that one of the biggest determining factors in the outcomes for people with FAS is the involvement and support of parents and family. That's GREAT news for your son, who obviously has an amazing family who will support him and work with him. I pray that you will have a great team of therapists and teachers to help you help your son live up to his fullest potential.

HUGS to you!

[Linny]

Our family has dealt with children who've been dx'd with FAS and FAE (I know.....not the most up to date terminology...but you get my point.)

Let me tell you....the 'bad' behaviors they had were NOT a result of the FAS....but due to extreme neglect and abuse. Otherwise, and I don't mean to sound trite.....but the rest of their behaviors were excellent to be around. Really. As someone else said, this is such a small part of WHO they really are!

The better news is you've had your little one since early on. You can get him into EI.....and they'll do wonders with him! He has you to advocate for him........and yes, I can well remember being angry and upset that anyone could choose to abuse their baby by continuing to drink.......but the better news again is the damage that's been done can be counteracted to a degree by the resources you can plug him into.
And as for intelligence....I can tell you both kids had LD........BUT, one of them was extremely gifted in reading/comprehension (12th grade level when only in 5th grade).....and spelling ability that was about as gifted as that at the same age. Both were phenomenal!

Don't despair. The worst part of all, would be if you weren't his momma and there for him every step of the way! ((((HUGS)))

Sincerely,

Linny

[proudmum]

I feel for you,, our dd has this dx nearly 1 year ago now and i am still struggling with it,,, she has just been dx with sensory intergration problems, has speech and language disorder and is exceptionally defiant ( just with us , sigh) but she is a very intelligent little girl and at 4 can recognise some words , has known all the letters of the alphabet since 3 1/4 and pretty much knows the sounds they make,,, she is starting to self-regulate now which is so exciting and is able to bring herself down when she gets too excited with other kids,, she is the most loving caring little girl and has wonderful empathy for others ( though she is quite aggressive with our cat even though she loves him to bits)..
I too find the hardest thing to deal with was that this WAS preventable ( her bmom knew she was pregnant while binge drinking) ,,, thats the part i think i will never be able to get over,,, our little girl should not have to deal with everything she has to ( especially the sensory problems),, feel free to pm me ,, ihavent been around a lot lately ( too tired) but i do need to converse with others who are going through the same things.. take care of yourself

[Nevada Jen]

I am so sorry.

I think Barksum really said it best. Nothing has changed from the day before yesterday. He is still the same kid he was before. I have been where you are getting a diagnosis that rocked me to my core. Its really a struggle for a while to accept it.

My only advice that you have not gotten is consider seeing a counselor yourself. I am only now realizing (11 years after diagnosis) how beneficial that would have been early on in the process for me personally.

Hang in there.