[Nevada Jen]

Why do you post here?

I really wonder why I still do. I mean I know I posted before we adopted for support. For a while afterwards, I posted because I felt like I had a moral obligation to give back the support that was almost my entire support system during the wait. Then I left the site for non adoption related reasons. Eventually I came back. But the thing is. . .

I am pretty confident in all things adoption related, we are not in the process of adopting and really have no urge to, I can't think of the last time I actually needed adoption advice, yet here I am. Multiple times a day. . .

I am thinking I may just have a screw loose So why does everyone else still post who is through their adoptions?

[Stormster]

I rarely post about adoption related stuff now but this is my community and the largest community of moms with kid the same age I have access to. And ADOPTED kids the same age. And I get answers to questions in like ten seconds. So why would I ever stop?

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by Stormster

And I get answers to questions in like ten seconds. So why would I ever stop?

amen! i also want to adopt one more time...so i like to see what everyone else is doing. sometimes i have questions about my kids, that are adopted related, and sometimes....like stormster, i want to know in 10 seconds what washing machine i should buy. lol. i have made many friends here, that i care about as much as i could not having met in real life, and some that have become irl friends after all. i also LOVE clicking on people's blogs that adopted kids about the same time i did in guatemala...and see what their kids look like now...bc i remember them as infants back on the photolisting.

as a matter of fact, i became so addicted to this site, my husband said i should become a moderator so at least i had a "reason" to be here. lol. so i did. i love it, there is no turning back. i am prepared to be a little old lady, moderating the forums of adoption.com, LLLLLOOOOONNNNGGGGG after any experience i had is of any help to anyone and i no longer have any questions!

[Linny]

Like the others, I"ve found friends here, as well as connections to other adoption entities when we were looking and waiting. I think our adoptions are done....and I've been known to say that often and yet, we'd adopt one more. But, we're a lot older now; so it's probably REALLY true now. (sigh)

Still, because I knew NOTHING about domestic adoptions when we first came back to infant adoptions (after the foster care system)......I had to learn the hard way in many instances; and learned---at the last minute---for others.
I think it's an obigation for me to give back (as someone already stated). I think if more adopting folks kept offering to help those who are just starting out---or those who find themselves in awful situations (disruptions, failures and heartbreaks)......MAYBE adoption fees wouldn't be so high; maybe people wouldn't get taken advantage of as often as they do---and maybe, just maybe (do I hear music here?)...maybe those who feel they'll never get to have a baby....will have some encouragement by those of us who post to them offering comfort and sympathies.

Too philosophical perhaps.....but it's the truth.

Sincerely,

Linny

[SupaModel]

Well I am not on here as much as I use to be which is good! I guess to because its a community of moms/dads and some of them I really like and enjoy.

[portlowski]

What Storm said...as usual...

[aclee]

Well I have one "done" and one in process...but even before we went for another, I was here. Cause I'm obsessive. I guess I don't know. I did a lot of research when we started our journey and if people didn't help me then (Many thanks to EVERYONE, and especially, you Linny) then I might have had to learn a lot the hard way. Thankfully that wasn't the case, and I try to pass that forward as much as I can.

Without a.com, we wouldn't in a million years have found Matty...

[oceanica]

um aclee I think you have at least 13 more babies to adopt so you aren't "done", lol!

[loveajax]

I never knew about a.com until DD was well over a year old. Even though I have another support group of adoptive moms, I like getting advice here about open adoption, transracial adoption and my husband's "reunion" (not sure if I can even really call it that). Sorta like one stop shopping!

Anyway, Jen, are you trying to tell us something? haha. I hope you keep posting because I like reading your posts!

Oh, and I can never say I am "done." I will be 60 and hemming and hawing about whether DD needs a sib (even though she will be out of college by then!).

[Fran27]

Like Storm said... plus, if everyone who had already adopted stopped posting, there wouldn't be much support left for new members.

Mostly though, it's not like we can go to any parenting forum to talk about adoption-related issues... same reason I don't go to regular parenting forums for issues with my twins.

[ourdreamcametru]

I still come, several times a day, for several reasons, I want to offer support to those who are waiting but also as a parent, I love to hear the happy stories of matches and adoptions and what to be there for those that have failed. I also still come for support from other that understand not only adoption but being parents! Also, because I feel bonded to the others here because we have something in common that you might not find in everyday "real" life.

[Saya]

Well we are starting another adoption, but I kept posting here for 3 years when we weren't involved in adopting at all. And as everyone has said I love having a community of parents that can give me good advice from smart and funny folks who understanding parenting from an adoption perspective.

Beyond that, I might have finished the process of "adopting" DD, but adoption will be an ongoing part of our lives, because it's a part of her history. Each new development stage she hits will involve the ongoing integration of her adoption story into her sense of self, and it's my job as her mom to help her with that. I expect I'll be come here for advice on these issues until she's at least 18!

Edited to say: I also come here to learn about the perspectives of birthparents and adoptees, and THAT is an incredibly valuable experience that I cannot get anywhere else I have found. It has changed my view of adoption in ways that I think will help my parenting, and I want to continue to get that exposure to different experiences and points of view.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by oceanica

um aclee I think you have at least 13 more babies to adopt so you aren't "done", lol!

If I am erally going to adopt that many, I'm going to start finding sibling sets cause I can't go through the process 13 more times individually!

I think I've pretty much settled on 5 or 6 kids though. If I live through these 2.

[Eponine]

I rarely post any more, but I do check in every few days. It's just a community I'm a part of so I like to see what's going on.

When I do post it's usually to vent or share something that not many people IRL would "get". Usually something about open adoption - like DS's birthmom was having a hard time and I was feeling so much hurt for her, or through a series of my mistakes, his birthparents' updates got mailed late, etc. I have wonderful, supportive friends IRL too but they just can't always understand what I'm thinking/feeling.

[crick]

Well obviously I work here so that is the easy answer to why I stick around. LOL!

However, I really do like the aspect of community here, I've made & met many friends here, and I also like knowing I have a safe place to just talk without having to make qualifiers or explain things in depth as I sometimes do with friends not involved in adoption.

I would say too, my needs and wants even have evolved over the years here. When I first joined it was for a very specific purpose of finding other parents of kids adopted through foster care. I didn't like the support group I was in and didn't feel I had much in common with them. Once I ventured out a bit more, my eyes were really opened to ALL aspects of adoption and that made me want to learn more and participate in more aspects. Things changed too in my need for support as my kids have gotten older and we are not so much an "adopted family" but just a family built through adoption. Yet, as with life in general, adoption "issues" come and go in cycles and I love having the support here during those cycles.