[sewminky]

Hi all,
My husband and I have been waiting for a match for a little over six months now. I realize that's much shorter than many people wait, but we haven't even had one possible situation come up yet. I'm curious how many situations people are shown on average before they actually get a match. Any thoughts???

Susan

[greenmama]

We got our first match (and the one we wanted most) but I believe that was because our CW felt sooo strongly that we were the match for him that she pushed quite hard at the matching meeting.

[mondk]

Read my siggy! I browsed a total of 2 situations our atty presented, then we matched with one!

Blessings, Michelle

[myForeverkids3]

All 3 of our kids were our first match.

[aclee]

With Ty we matched quickly, but I submitted to MANY situations during our home study even before we were approved. I would say at least 25?

We submitted to two situations simultaneously with Matty. Actually we submitted on Matty, thought he wasn't going to work out, then submitted on another one, and then Matty worked out

YOUR baby will find you. All the rest of the situations are just things to look at along the way.

[sheababy]

We were matched with a baby born situation after 4 1/2 months and mom decided to parent, 2 months later we were matched with DD (also a baby born situation).

[mandiedandie]

At about the six month range, we wondered the same thing and were nervous about this. And at that point, I am not sure how many people we had been shown to. A couple months later, we were being shown left and right, but never chosen. Then we were chosen in February to an emom we shouldn't have been shown to at all because she was not within our preferences and we decided to decline the match. We were matched in July. It had been 17 months. Now how that is going, only time will tell. But I know you probably don't want to hear the cliche "it will happen when it is your time..." etc, because I have heard so much of that (not that I don't appreciate the support, but sometimes when you're frustrated and scared, you just feel like it never will happen), but just know that it's a rollercoaster and it will happen for you and sometimes you will probably believe that wholeheartedly and then sometimes (if you're like me) you will feel like it's been years upon years and it may never happen and it's so unfair (I threw a lot of "it's not fair!" fits...but maybe that's just me), and it's totally normal to question these things and wonder what you are wondering, and feel what you are feeling. I hope that your match comes soon...good luck!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by sewminky

Hi all,
My husband and I have been waiting for a match for a little over six months now. I realize that's much shorter than many people wait, but we haven't even had one possible situation come up yet. I'm curious how many situations people are shown on average before they actually get a match. Any thoughts???

Susan

Just like most everything in adoption, this type is so completely unique to each situation that IMO, you shouldn't really try to compare. Our first adoption, our profile was considered by over 15 situations in 13 months before we were chosen by DD's first mom. We were in an agency that had about 125 families waiting at the time and there were approximately 60 situations where a child was actually placed by their first mother in an adoptive home. In our specific situation, the wait was much longer than most people on this board, but in our area and agency, where there is more regulation and less adoptions per capita, we were well below the average wait for families in our agency. And we were willing to consider all sorts of situations including high needs health and transethnic placement. All those were factors.

We waited our second time for about a year (again much less than average for our agency) and were shown many situations because of our willingness to consider high needs/risk situations.

I would recommend you don't compare yourself to anyone on here unless they are in your exact situation... area, agency, even family dynamic, but still with both our situations, the first families of our kids were looking for someone with our exact family makeup (they considered our age, where we lived, our occupation, whether or not we had other kids). It's just so unique.

[mandiedandie]

I totally agree with this. I know I got wrapped up in other people's experiences and timelines, and it made me sad, and frustrated, and "it's just not fair", but I had my DH there to remind me that everyone's journey is very different, and our time will come. But, I totally understand your need for some type of gauge, it's so hard being in a situation you have no control over and have no idea when the end is going to come. PM me if you ever need to talk...I remember being in your shoes at the exact same timeframe...so, hang in there!

Originally Posted by blessedbybug

Just like most everything in adoption, this type is so completely unique to each situation that IMO, you shouldn't really try to compare. Our first adoption, our profile was considered by over 15 situations in 13 months before we were chosen by DD's first mom. We were in an agency that had about 125 families waiting at the time and there were approximately 60 situations where a child was actually placed by their first mother in an adoptive home. In our specific situation, the wait was much longer than most people on this board, but in our area and agency, where there is more regulation and less adoptions per capita, we were well below the average wait for families in our agency. And we were willing to consider all sorts of situations including high needs health and transethnic placement. All those were factors.

We waited our second time for about a year (again much less than average for our agency) and were shown many situations because of our willingness to consider high needs/risk situations.

I would recommend you don't compare yourself to anyone on here unless they are in your exact situation... area, agency, even family dynamic, but still with both our situations, the first families of our kids were looking for someone with our exact family makeup (they considered our age, where we lived, our occupation, whether or not we had other kids). It's just so unique.

[devildogwife]

Quite a few for us. Our first 'match' (and I use the term loosely) was with an emotional scammer. There were then 7 or 8 situations where we were shown but not chosen. It always seemed like it was down to us and another couple. Finally, we matched with our son's birth mom after about 7 months of waiting. He was born 10 weeks later. Hang in there.

[loveajax]

We were matched with DD almost 5 months after our HS was done. After a couple of months with agency #1, we also "signed up" with another facilitator and agency. I think we had at least 5 or 6 profiles go out and weren't selected (between the agencies and the faciliatator). That was always such a bummer, though I usually never learned that we had NOT been chosen, just never heard anything back.

We turned down a "match" from the faciliatator based on some info we received. The day after we got the call that we were "matched" with DD thru agency 1 (we had not yet met her birth parents), we got a call from agency 2 that two women had selected our profile. It sounds "awesome" but I felt terrible about that too.

When DD was eleven or so months, we submitted a profile to an emom who chose someone else (and we haven't tried to adopt since). For some reason, that one really sticks out in my mind.

Six months is not that long of a time, though I remember every day going by soooooo slow. And jumping every time the phone rang! Also, are you "locked in" to using just one agency? You may want to look around at others or other facilitators, etc. If nothing else, it feels like you are "doing" something.

Best of luck to you!!

[sewminky]

Thanks so much for everyone's input! We've actually been shown to several emoms, but none have been interested in interviewing us along with 1 or 2 other couples. I guess I'm discouraged that none of the ones we've been shown to have appeared to even think we were a possibility. I understand (intellectually) what you mean by not comparing yourself, but yikes! Emotionally I just want SOMETHING! I guess the benefit of not having been picked among a small number for an interview is a good thing, because it doesn't put us on that roller coaster. Gotta find that silver lining!

[maddie036]

sewminky - thanks so much for starting this thread These posts have been helpful for me to read. I feel like I always compare timelines with others that have adopted through our agency. That really doesn't help anything though. When it is our time, it will happen and our little one will come home.

FYI, we have been shown once that I know of because the SW had questions (we won't know every time.)

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by sewminky

Thanks so much for everyone's input! We've actually been shown to several emoms, but none have been interested in interviewing us along with 1 or 2 other couples. I guess I'm discouraged that none of the ones we've been shown to have appeared to even think we were a possibility. I understand (intellectually) what you mean by not comparing yourself, but yikes! Emotionally I just want SOMETHING! I guess the benefit of not having been picked among a small number for an interview is a good thing, because it doesn't put us on that roller coaster. Gotta find that silver lining!

It is hard, no doubt, and the emotions of this can get in front of the intellectual, but the truth is, once you're living it, you realize you don't just want SOMETHING (as you said...) you want the right situation. You want it to be the right decision for all of you, most especially the child. You will be forever bonded to the other family of the child who eventually finds their way to you, and you want it to be the right situation. Because living out an adoption with integrity, and willingness to always be aware that your child has another family, isn't always easy. It's one thing to get "matched", it's another thing to go through the process of the expectant parent's final decision (which they have the right and privilege of making again and again if they need to, and changing their minds), it is a whole other thing to live out these relationships on a regular basis. Bless you as you wait.

[DebCsMom]

In our first time around we submitted our paperwork end of January. We got a call 2/14 about a baby boy & would we consider. We accepted as well as another family. The agency rushed our paperwork through. The Birth Mom couldn't decide between us and 5 weeks later had the agency decide. The other family was chosen, they had been waiting ONE WEEK longer than us. About a week later we got a call from a friend about a baby girl due in a few weeks. We met with the Birth Mom a week later and she chose us. Our daughter was born a few weeks after.

Then we got stuck in a BAD SCAM! With adoption #2 we matched right away as soon as we updated our homestudy, within days! The baby was born a couple weeks later. We had the baby boy we named Checobe for 3 days when his Mom changed her mind.

We waited about 6 months to try again. We got a call again a few days after I called to say we were ready again and we matched right away and our daughter was born a few days later.

A year later we were again updated and ready. This time I thought it would take a very long time. We already had 5 childre (2 biological, 1 guardianship and 2 adopted) PLUS we specified a BOY ONLY! We had 4 daughters and 1 son. We were shown to a couple Birth Moms who I spoke to within a couple of weeks. Then we got a call about a baby boy due in a few weeks. We accepted to be shown. Two weeks later she chose us and our son was born 3 weeks after that.

It really depends on MANY variables on how and when you are chosen. For one thing, we were open to race & sex the first 2 times. We were also open to considering ALL situations on a case by case situation. We didn't rule out drug/alcohol/smoking, medical conditions, defects, genetics possibilities, etc. We took each one & looked at them indivually.

The reasons our children's Birth Moms chose us are all very different. The first chose us because my Husband made her very comfortable from the get go & she never stopped laughing the whole first meeting. She said I was firm with our 2 biological kids but extra cuddly. She liked that. With daughter #2(adopted) her Birth Mom saw in our picture profile a picture of our 2 year old & I doing a spaghetti kiss, like in Lady & The Tramp. She LOVED it! She said in all the pictures you could tell how much we ALL loved her, especially the way I held her. By the time our last came along we knew our large family and wanting only a boy would be tough. His Birth Mom LOVED that we had alot of kids, she said it meant I had experience. I was also 40 at the time and she liked that we were settled, established and mature in life.

You just never know...
Hang in there!