[sugarmuffin]

I use to be a rational human being but now i just don't know. I just cannot take anyone saying anything that sounds remotely negative about my child. I get into defensive mold and cannot hear a word. What is wrong with me people? I know she is my little angel but its okay once in a while to hear she pushed another kid in daycare while playing right? its not the end of the world or anything right? BUT MOMMA cant take it. I was full of questions and got totally defensive....... my darling child is only 13 months lets hope she doesn't have one of those moms that drives everyone nuts!!

HELP!! how do you calmly hear about your darling child's day without going crazy?

[maxkinzie]

I hear you! It was tough when my little angel who had so far known nothing but love and gentleness started asserting herself, or, newly mobil on two feet plowed through whoever and whatever was in front of her!!!!
What helped me avoid getting too bent out of shape was a lot of hangning around with friends and neighbors who had kids, and without fail it was magic to hear that my kid was perfectly normal. Oh, and hearing about some of the "worse" things that other kids have done made me feel better about mine and the job I was doing with her!
I don't know the whole situation, buy my guess is your darlin' doesn't yet understand the finer points of getting along.
best wishes :-)

[tinktink]

I kind of liken it to the mama bear. It just happens. Heck, I was nearly demanding that an old woman come out on her lawn to fight me after she said horribly rude things to DD. I kind of lost my head. It just happens when you feel that your LO is somehow threatened.

[jalapeno]

I'm no help. I actually do ok with bad behavior reports but I REALLY have trouble with someone else reprimanding my daughter. Now that she's in preschool and activity classes here and there, we've had a few times where I've heard an instructor mildly reprimanding her. Stuff like "Pay Attention!" or "Get Back in Line Please!". Oh my gosh, I cannot believe how strongly my gut reacts. I mean that's MY baby. Obviously she's more talented, brilliant, charismatic, and beautiful than all the other children so HOW could she be treated just like them!!

It's very strange really. I mean obviously any three year old will need reminders here and there. Nobody has been out of line with her at all. And I don't have any trouble disciplining her myself. {sigh}

[Gwen72]

I think what you are feeling is totally normal. W is only nine months so no one has ever said or done anything negative to him yet. However, people around me have forgotten that I have a black child and said negative things about black people. I put the fear of G-d in them! I can't handle people talking about black people in general, much less my pride in joy in particular. That's why I think you are totally normal to get upset when someone seems to be critical of your pride and joy.

[bromanchik]

When my kids were young I got very upset if people did not respond to my kids waving at them. I would say things like "What is wrong with you? My baby is waving at you.. wave back!" I was nuts.

[Lovebug]

I get that way, too, Brenda! Our little guy has been dubbed "The Mayor" and is so social and friendly. He will say "hi" over and over and over until he gets a reply from someone. If we see friends, it's like, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SAY HI BACK??? Geez!

I agree, it's Momma Bear syndrome....ok with me! Lol.

[julie23]

HELP!! how do you calmly hear about your darling child's day without going crazy?

my oldest is 19..... and i still feel defensive when anyone say's anything even MILDLY negative about her.... even if I actually THINK the same thing!!

it's kind of a conundrum.... I can think it.... but no one else better say it....

although, the more kids you have, the less you get affected by it....

i think it depends on the personality of the child, too... number 1 was just this sweet little girl..... it was almost impossible to imagine she would ever contribute to a conflict or yucky situation at school...

number two is quite a spitfire.... when the kindergarten teacher approached me one day and said "Well, she just walked up to another little girl and punched her in the stomach".... sadly, it was quite easy for me to picture... and my response was more of a sigh...

number three was a biter... probly had to be considering she was 20 months behind number 2 and needed to learn self-defense at an early age... so when another mother told me that my princess was headbutting her daughter in the chest when she was aggravated... i was thrilled! I looked at the mother and said "WoW! that's great! She is showing a lot of restraint and not biting!!" i don't think the other mother knew quite how to respond to that! Plus, it was happening in the classroom and the teacher never once mentioned it to me.. so i wasn't worried!

with a 7 year gap to number 4.... she is definitely my baby... and probably can't do much that will surprise me... nor will it bother me! whenever anyone points out her "bratty" attitude.... i give them the "down the nose" stare... that states, "I know. I don't care. And you better not say it again."

hhhhmmm... i think i'm evolving....

Number One: Walks on water and no one better say otherwise.

Number Two: Yup... she misbehaves... but sigh, i'm doing my best.

Number Three: Yup... she misbehaves... but WOW! It could be so much worse...!! Let's cheer for the restraint!

Number Four: I know she doesn't walk on water.... but don't you dare say a word... and Let's pretend she's an angel... She's my BABY!!

[loveajax]

As the mom of a "recovered" (recovering? Is it like aa?) biter, I feel your pain. I was always mortified, but my mil (who thinks dd poops ice cream) would always say, "what did the other kid do first?" Haha. (Though ironically I did learn from the teachers it was mostly "self defense" but sometimes it was "toy defense!"). Hang in there!

[Saya]

I love my daughter to the ends of the universe and back. To me she is perfect, my shining star, yadda yadda. However I have never been under the misapprehension that she is a perfect angel. She's always been a push the envelope kind of kid - a personality trait that I believe/hope will serve her well as an adult.

Julie, I love your "showing such great restraint" response. I think that totally would have been my answer.

sugarmuffin, I would remember that someone saying that your child pushed another kid at daycare is NOT in fact necessarily saying something negative about your kid. They're saying that your kid had a tough day and this was her way of emotionally coping with her negative feelings. Or that she is learning about her personal space. (A went through a phase at around 18 months of hitting any other kid who got within a foot of her). Or that she is learning to socialize. Or a thousand other reasons that are perfectly normal for any toddler. In fact you could even say it's part of her job learning about her world.

The very first week Anabel was at day care - she was about 15 months - she came home one day with a bite mark on her cheek! Another little girl who is a few months older was jealous of her as the new girl, and it was the only way she knew how to deal with her feelings. About a week later, Anabel bit the other girl. They are as close as sisters now - and they still fight like sisters too. I mean of course it's the parents/caretakers role to try to find other ways for toddlers to get out their negative feelings, but no one expects perfection from a one or two or three year old - or if they do, they're deluded.

[sugarmuffin]

Thanks everyone......... it has been another long day at the "office" for my little darlin'!!..... no negative reports today probably coz they didn't feel like dealing with a "million" questions before the weekend.

But i will take some of the advice given to heart and hopefully next week will be better.


Thanks again for sharing everyone it made me feel better.

[Fe2002]

This thread has me giggling like a loon! I'm so happy I'm not the only one!

Tinktink, I can completely identify with you with that situation. I'm trying to be better about this, but DD's nanny is worse than I am... she told me of DD hitting a friend of hers (an adult). I was shocked and my question was "well what did C do to her", the nanny's response was "she looked at her and then tried to touch her". I said "oh", DD's nanny said, "yes, I told C that N doesn't like that".

Aside from her bouts of frustration with folks trying to get too close to her, she's a perfect angel.

For the most part...

[portlowski]

This is an interesting topic to me. I was a pretty good kid and my parents ALWAYS took the side of an adult even when they were wrong about something. They never stood up for me although they were very loving they always figured if someone said something negative about me it was well warranted. I am now a compulsive people pleaser and apologize for everything. I will TRY and strike a balance with my kid....by sticking up for him but recognizing that he is not perfect. I hope I will succeed!

[BethanyB]

Just keep in mind that our perfect little angels need to grow up to be kind, respectful adults. People (teachers, counselors, coaches) setting limits for our kids actually helps them. By working together, our kids understand that we all want what is best for them.

[Fe2002]

Originally Posted by portlowski

This is an interesting topic to me. I was a pretty good kid and my parents ALWAYS took the side of an adult even when they were wrong about something. They never stood up for me although they were very loving they always figured if someone said something negative about me it was well warranted. I am now a compulsive people pleaser and apologize for everything. I will TRY and strike a balance with my kid....by sticking up for him but recognizing that he is not perfect. I hope I will succeed!

Portlowski, my mom was the complete opposite and ALWAYS took my side... no matter what. She would reprimand me in private if she thought I was in the wrong, but never in public.

So it's really ingrained in me to side with the child... but I do recognize that in many ways I was done a disservice. I have major issues with so-called "authority figures" and would like for my DD to not have the same issues... if possible. So like I said, I'm working on it...