[leenie71]

We received the exciting call from our adoption consultant last Monday 8/31 with the news that we were matched with an emom. Yay! We had to "apply" with the agency emom is with and send the application fee, which I sent 2 days later. I did a delivery confirmation and know that the packet was received this past Friday.

It's now been a week since the news and we haven't heard anything...the consultant said that once the application process happened, we would be put in touch with the emom. And with the holiday weekend, I know that pushes things back.

I just feel like a lot of time has elapsed since "the call" and there hasn't been any contact with the emom, agency, or the consultant. I have worries that emom has changed her mind or wonders if we are excited, happy, etc. (obviously we're over the moon!) Not to mention, we're holding off on telling our parents until we at least get to talk with emom. I think that it will feel more real.

Baby isn't due until January so I know there's a lot of time. I guess I thought that there would be this flurry of activity after receiving our big call. All I hear is crickets...

Anyone else have kind of an anti-climactic period immediately following news of your match?

[Stormster]

We did an independent adoption (agency assisted) and I can tell you from what I know and from what I've read on these boards there are a lot of lulls in a long match.

It is not necessarily a red flag but it will do your head in if you let it! I"m sure it's the holiday! If you have any questions about your particular agency you might want to post the question and people can PM you their comments!

[bromanchik]

My question is, why are they matching you with someone who is only half way through her pregnancy. That sends a red flag up for me on ethical agency practices.

[leenie71]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

My question is, why are they matching you with someone who is only half way through her pregnancy. That sends a red flag up for me on ethical agency practices.

She's due early January....I don't think this can be considered the longest match ever recorded or an unethical one because of how far she is into the pregnancy. 23.5 weeks. Maybe I'm wrong? Personally, we wouldn't have wanted to match with someone due later than this. I definitely see your point and considered that. She's parenting a child and has been a first mom before. Not sure why I'm explaining myself. Just looking for support. Thanks for yours.

[Stormster]

Leenie I had a long match too (about the same length) with a woman who was in her mid 30's and was a first mom already too. (3X as a matter of fact).

It should be up to the woman (and in your case and mine they are/were indeed grown experienced women) how long she wants her match to be. I agree that counseling is always a necessity and she can ALWAYS decide to parent along the way. Which is why it's not unethical to me.

As potential adoptive parents, all we can do is insure she is getting counseling and knows all her options. And not to guilt her into feeling like she can't change her mind!

[leenie71]

Thanks. That's how we see it, Stormster...short or longer match, she always has the option to parent. We're just along for the ride, no matter at what point we were chosen by her.

This is getting away from my original question....but so far it's opened my eyes to the fact that this is a relatively long match. But as we're looking around our fixer-upper house trying to figure out what needs to be done, it feels very short! lol Maybe that's why I didn't see it that way before.

[BlessedbySnuggs]

First off, I just want to note, that just because you matched into her 5th month doesn't mean there is anything wrong or unethical. Gosh, why does that have to even be brought up here (again on a support thread). No one here knows the situation or the emom's reason for wanting to match early on. I, personally don't think there is anything wrong with that. She obviously wants to get to know the aparents before she places her baby with them. She has all the time in the world to make her OWN mind up about what she wants to do.

Anyay, back to the original question. I do think its normal for there to be a "lull" in between matching. Our dd's birth mom was 7 1/2 months along when we matched. There was a time where we didn't hear anything for a couple of weeks, and we got really nervous. Our facilitator said that was actually really "normal" given the situation with so many things going on with emom. I can remember how uneasy DH and I felt. Obviously, things worked out just fine, so don't worry too much at this point. I know easier said than done.

Congrats on your match! Only you and you DH, and of course the agency and emom know the situation, so please don't let anyone try to get you down, okay??? Keep us posted on everything.

FYI: My sister matched with her son's birthmom when she was only 3 months along, and everything worked out great. My nephew is now 5 years old.

[waitingforanangel]

Congratulations on the match! I would not worry at all about the length of time until the birthmother delivers - we had the same length wait and there was nothing unethical about the adoption. This is not a red flag. There are often lulls in the process (we had some), and I wouldn't worry yourself too much right now (easier said than done, I know). Unless you hear from the agency, I would assume that everything is still on, however, I would put in a call to find out the status of the match if you don't hear soon. It can't hurt to maintain regular contact.

I wish you the best and please keep us posted on your progess!! How exciting!

[leenie71]

Thanks for the congrats, Blessed and waiting...

BbS, hi again! We were PM'ing the day of our match. I know...I swear, some people around here just can't wait to get their negative digs in anyway they can. Anyway, have you looked into any other networking options? Hope your call comes soon!

waiting, I think that I will call the agency to touch base later this week if I still haven't heard anything. I also have our consultant to do that for us too.

[Stormster]

Just want to say Leenie that Brenda is a well trained adoption expert and a first mother in what I believe is a wonderful open adoption. She's not mentioning that to be negative, I just don't agree it's always negative to have a long match but she's coming from a place with a lot of experience.

Just thought you should know that i'm pretty sure she didnt' post that to rain on your parade!!!

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Hey there....I know! I was so happy to hear your great news that day!

I talked to DH and he wants to wait until we "network" anymore until we are waiting a few more months. I guess I get where he is coming from, but I am getting so antsy.

So we will see, if we haven't heard anything by December, we will definitey be looking at some referral agencies and consultants and such.

Keep us posted!

Originally Posted by leenie71

Thanks for the congrats, Blessed and waiting...

BbS, hi again! We were PM'ing the day of our match. I know...I swear, some people around here just can't wait to get their negative digs in anyway they can. Anyway, have you looked into any other networking options? Hope your call comes soon!

waiting, I think that I will call the agency to touch base later this week if I still haven't heard anything. I also have our consultant to do that for us too.

[leenie71]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Just thought you should know that i'm pretty sure she didnt' post that to rain on your parade!!!

Thanks Stormster. That gives me some insight.

Adoption expert or not, I think there is a way one can say things. She doesn't know me, the situation, or our journey thus far. I was just asking for a little support since this is our first ever match. My question wasn't , "What do you think of the length of this match?" or anything along those lines. Then, her question to my question would be appropriate.

Stormster, I do appreciate your post. I'm not venting towards you, of course! Just in general, I guess. I feel that I have seen quite a few unsolicited and sometimes even negative comments or advice on these "support" threads. Guess I need to be less hyper-sensitive and get some thicker skin if I'm going to post a question next time!

[hopefulmommie2b]

I usually lurk here, but this topic I do know a lot about. We caught A LOT of flack from many sources for our long matches...we matched with DS's birthmom at 12 weeks and with DD's birthmom at 13 weeks. We had our ups and downs during the match, with lulls in communication, but ultimately brought home 2 beautiful kids.

If it feels right to you, it is right for your family. Opinions are just that, opinions. If we had listened to the MANY opinions of those who told us we were going to get our hearts broken, birthparents would change their minds, or we were just plain NUTS, we may still be childless today.

We had one failed adoption when we match with the emom when she was 7.5 months along...turns out she wasn't truthful with edad and he knew nothing of the adoption plan when the day came. He ended up parenting.

I would call tomorrow for an update from your coordinator. I would want some form of communication with emom as well...

Congrats again!!! Hope all goes well for you from here on in...

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by leenie71

Thanks Stormster. That gives me some insight.

Adoption expert or not, I think there is a way one can say things. She doesn't know me, the situation, or our journey thus far. I was just asking for a little support since this is our first ever match. My question wasn't , "What do you think of the length of this match?" or anything along those lines. Then, her question to my question would be appropriate.

Stormster, I do appreciate your post. I'm not venting towards you, of course! Just in general, I guess. I feel that I have seen quite a few unsolicited and sometimes even negative comments or advice on these "support" threads. Guess I need to be less hyper-sensitive and get some thicker skin if I'm going to post a question next time!

I dont think your being hyper-sensitive at all! You asked a simple question NOT a lesson on some ppl's opinion ethical adoption or not.

I know how long youve been waiting and how excited you are. I am very happy for you and my personal thoughts don't matter in this situation.

[mkviola]

Originally Posted by leenie71

Anyone else have kind of an anti-climactic period immediately following news of your match?

I think that is a totally normal feeling. At least for me, it was. Hang in there. I know my feelings were all over the place for our months of waiting.

As far as not hearing anything, I think that is fairly common for some agencies (from what I've heard here and experienced). I think it would be fine to call and check in with them, though. Good luck and keep us posted. I am so happy for you!!!