[Stormster]

I don't know if it's me or what or just part of his personality but DS needs constant attention! He feeds off others and when we are stuck indoors (which is rare, I make sure of it) we don't get more than 5 minutes at a time where he's playing an appropriate game (vs. doing something potentially dangerous, wanting to be picked up, etc.)

I feel badly even saying it but those who have children like this know that staying home with them makes for long hard days and his short attention span isn't helping!

As I write this, I'm wondering if maybe his short attention span is the REASON for this. I may ask for some help from Early Intervention but some good old fashioned Momma wisdom would help me out right now. Thank you

ETA it's also draining because one of us is always having to "entertain" him (read to him, play with him, get him something) so DH and I aren't really enjoying each other as we should on weekends. He has to entertain him while I cook, I do so when he does stuff around the house etc. and I would say we have a very "well thought out" collection of toys and books. I really do a lot of research and don't skimp on toys. I also only have 5 toys out a time so he doesn't get too distracted. Maybe just put out ONE at a time!?

[Nevada Jen]

I would sugggest getting something that he can do in his room by himself. Geotrax or a train set. The rule in our house is those don't leave the bedroom. My son loved those so much he would play with them in his room for quite a long time (although he was doing a bunch of things in between) by himself. Also for a break for you, you could try a mothers helper. Like a 7 year old girl who you paid a couple of dollars an hour to would be perfect. Her help task is to play with him! Preferably in his room so he will get used to playing in there without a parent.

[Quesita]

I think that early toddlerhood is sort of plauged by that demand for constant attention. At about 20 or 21 months Liana started playing independently for the first time.

The first toy was My First Dollhouse by Fischer Price. It changed my life!!

She could sit for an hour or longer, and move the dolls from their beds to their chairs, and move the furniture around. It just really clicked for her. A month short of 3, she still plays with it.

The number of activities she enjoyed doing alone has increased exponentially. At this point, she can draw independently, and play with blocks independently and she is insane for puzzles, and after a little help the first time, she can do 24 piece puzzles independently. She has an easel, and although I think she prefers to draw on the table, she does like to spend time at the easel. One side is magnetic, and she enjoys moving the magnets around. At this very moment, I am at my computer, she she is fussing with the magnets, and running over periodically to grab an almond to eat, and then running back to the easel.

She also has a "special box" where she puts special things that she finds, like acorns and seashells, and she can take the things out and fuss over them for quite a long time. I have one of those Russian dolls, with one fitting inside the larger one that fits into the larger one, and that is a good half hour of mommy alone time a couple of times a week.

Recently she has started to enjoy looking at books alone. This is very new, and I LOVE it. I actually think that giving her a photo album of our cruise, started the independent book trend. She loved the photo album so much, she called it her favorite book, and took 20 minutes every day to look at it. We put it on her bookshelf, and now she takes other books off to spend time with them as well.

I'm no expert, but for Liana, finding the magic toy that captured her attention was the first step, and then age and maturity took their course. Of course, every kid is different. But I remember the time that I had NO independent time. I feel like I have more and more evey day now.

[portlowski]

I feel you, Storm. Although DS is pretty good at playing by himself, he is likely to swing a stick at a window or to unroll an entire toilet paper roll into the toilet. Although this keeps him interested, it isn't really an option.

Do you have a backyard? Is it totally secure and fenced in? Our backyard has saved my life this summer although I don't know what I will do when winter comes.

Our yard is very small and fenced in all the way around (cedar fence about 6 feet tall) and the gate locks with a key. The only thing that holds his attention for a long time is watering...I turn the hose on to a trickle and he can spend an hour walking around the yard watering the flowers. (please be kind in regard to wasting water...this is saving my sanity right now as I am having health problems and am VERY tired!)

Most of the time he runs around like a maniac...but as long as he is outside he cannot do any damage. I either hang out there with him or keep the back door open and keep an eye on him while I do stuff in the kitchen (it looks out over the yard).

Good luck. According to my aunt, my cousin could not play alone until he was 4! He is 31 now and a world traveler...always looking for adventure...I believe I have told you about him before because he was also considered ADHD and sensory seeking, before they called it that.

[Stormster]

Port we have a fenced in yard and we have used half of the New York water supply on the hose. But when the weather is bad.....

Quesita....i don't know if we can compare our kids until E is a LOT older. Maybe never. For instance, after I read your post E walked over to HIS favorite "toy" a rug that has images of roads etc. and he has about fifty matchbox trucks on it. He can spend ten minutes with it and for sure it's his favorite toy. He got out of the tub, walked over and peed on it. IN his defense he did pee on the image of the forest but still...

Then I put a towel down to absorb the pee and he grabbed the towel and wrapped it around himself and danced. DH was about to barf (I thought it was nothing, nothing pee related bothers me anymore)

Then DS walked up to DH removed his pee towel that he was all wrapped in and flinged it in his already nauseated father's face.

All while laughing hysterically.

He's no Liana!!!!

[robandjulie]

I agree that a lot of it is age dependent. Jorge came home at 18 mos and between that trauma and his age we weren't sure if we would EVER see him play by himself like DD does.

DD started playing by herself pretty well around 18-20 mos. I was working on my doctoral dissertation from home at the time so it was absolutely non-negotiable that I get some consecutive moments to think and we don't do TV much or at all here, so that was a real blessing for us. I don't know that there was any real training other than just redirecting her to go play with a different toy or look at a different book every now and then. I think she just grew into it.

DS did too, eventually. Around 27-28 months, I'd say. Again, hard to say if he would have reached that point earlier had he not transitioned to our house 8-10 mos before that, but starting this summer he was able to play in the sandbox for 10-15 mins without requesting our interaction or requiring our intervention. He can also play with blocks or books for 10-15 mins in his room as long as DD doens't distract him. He LOVES Mickey Mouse and has a collection of 3-4" figures. This weekend DD was playing with her dollhouse in her room and DS asked if he could have a dollhouse since he's strictly prohibited from playing with hers (too many tiny parts and it's in her room. Each kid has a very small set of things they can claim 100% ownership of and that's one of hers; he has his train set). ANYHOW, I found 3 smallish cardboard boxes, taped them together with packing tape, and used a black sharpie to draw a bed, bath, and chair on the floor; windows, door, fridge, sink, toilet, and a table on the wall. He designated the big room downstairs as a garage and moved all of his Mickey & Friends in and played with that for an hour. Seriously. I was shocked.

When DD was about that age we didn't have room/$ for a dollhouse so I used brown making tape and she helped me "draw" a house on the fridge. 4 rooms, a "couch", "crib", etc. Then I grabbed some pictures of her, me, and DH and cut out our faces and used clip-magets to hold them. She LOVED moving them around on the fridge and telling little stories; she'd do it for 20-30 mins while I worked.

[dpen6]

Storm,

for many kids 2 is very young to be playing by themselves. Yes, some do...but its personality based. My oldest 2 werevery good at keeping himself occupied at taht age. The rest of them not so much. Granted at that point they had each other to keep them occupied...but still needed constant watching.
He is still very young....it will pass....your time will come when he goes to nursery school ect.

Thats just the way it is.

[robandjulie]

Also, this is where I think it goes back to the "save the marriage from the kids" thing and making your relationship with DH a bit of a priority. Some points in the day when the kids are just demanding our attention to "look at me! Look what I drew! Watch me drive the car across the carpet for the 500th time this hour" we'll just say "Mommy and daddy are in time out. We're getting grouchy."

A bit of background: At our house if you start to get too grouchy we take a timeout break to calm down and--as long as no one has been hurt--the break is just to sit out of the way and let everyone nearby know you're taking a timeout break and the rule is that no one can bother the person in timeout. No talking to them, asking them questions, etc. You can read a book or color or take a toy or whatever but the kids both recognize when they're getting out of control and need a little space they can go to their room or whatever and calm down. We started it when DD was very little; anytime I saw her getting overwhelmed I'd calmly suggest that she and I go sit down and read a story or take a break together before we go play some more and it's just part of our household routine. DH and I have the same right.

So we'll tell the kids we're in a timeout for a few minutes and we'll be back in as soon as we're feeling better. And then we'll go sit in the living room and chat or just try not to fall asleep. After 5 minutes or so (don't I WISH the "1 minute per year of age" rule worked on us!) we'll let them know we're done with our timeout if they need us. Usually they'll leave us alone for another 2-3 minutes but keeps us sane.

[Saya]

Anabel has never been the self-entertaining type. Hate to say this, but it's really only since she's turned 3 that she's had ANY ability to play without needing us every six seconds. TV is an exception, but we try to keep it to a minimum. I hope E. learns faster!

[linda512]

My son is 3 1/2 and I have been asking that question since he was 2. He still will not play by himself for long periods of time when he is with me. When he is with his grandparents, sometimes. And I am a single mother, so I have no relationship to worry about , but it is exhausting. And tv only works sometimes!
I am still working on it. I have to work harder, I think.

[Stormster]

Linda ((((hugs)))) I know it's crazy to complain but it's exhausting! People laugh at me because I can't even take a shower if he's awake, or make a phone call.

Do you stay home or work? I think maybe you get a break when you go to work!?!?! I certainly hope so. If I didn't have DH to lean on on weekends I'd lose it!

[Quesita]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Quesita....i don't know if we can compare our kids until E is a LOT older. Maybe never. For instance, after I read your post E walked over to HIS favorite "toy" a rug that has images of roads etc. and he has about fifty matchbox trucks on it. He can spend ten minutes with it and for sure it's his favorite toy. He got out of the tub, walked over and peed on it. IN his defense he did pee on the image of the forest but still...

Then I put a towel down to absorb the pee and he grabbed the towel and wrapped it around himself and danced. DH was about to barf (I thought it was nothing, nothing pee related bothers me anymore)

Then DS walked up to DH removed his pee towel that he was all wrapped in and flinged it in his already nauseated father's face.

All while laughing hysterically.

He's no Liana!!!!

Oh no! I'm sorry I laughed. But I'm glad he aimed for the forest.

Yeah, Liana does a lot of things earlier than a lot of kids, and I brag about them all! But if you want to talk potty talk, well, I can honestly say that she has never intentionally unirated or defectated ON any of her beloved objects. However, up until six weeks ago, (mid July) that beloved easel was where she would squat, roll her eyes back in her head and poop.

I would watch, full aware of what she was doing, but helpless. If I asked her if she wanted to go to the potty, she would shout NOOOOOOOOOOO! A couple of times I tried to pick her up and bring her to the potty, and she went into full tantrum mode. When she was done with her poop, if I asked her if she needed her diaper changed, she would shout NOOOOOO for another 10-20 minutes. Then she would busy herself with something. The post-poop period was a guarenteed 10-20 minutes mommy independent time. Then she would come up to me, all sad and serious, and say "I have poopies," at which point I could change her diaper. It was a major power trip on her part. And she was the clear winner.

But seriously, you are going to see so many changes happening so fast in the next year, it is going to make your head spin. Here is a blog post I wrote last December, when Liana was 27 months old. It seemed like every time I sat down, there was some mess to clean up or some crisis to deal with. Liana's Amazing Adventures
I look at that blog now, and she is a completely different person. She just doesn't "get into trouble" like that anymore. Or at least, very rarely. I can be in another room for increasingly long periods of time without having her come demanding my attention, and without fearing what I'm going to find.

Though I did get out of the shower a few weeks ago, and as I was drying myself off, she proudly announced, "Don't worry Mommy! I fixed your Ipod!"

[Stormster]

Quesita you are hilarious! I love the visual of the "easel poops" OMG hysterical....I keep telling myself (and dh) this is sooooooo temporary.

[OnTheJourney]

I feel your pain Storm! It is hard and exhausting. I think the odd 2 year old may play well by themselves, but they are few and far between IMO.

The only things that I think help are time... and a playmate (aka a sibling!) DS will be 3 in a couple week and he is just now starting to play with his sister who is 14 months for more then a couple minutes without needing me. But as soon as I start to do something, ie - make dinner, clean, read the paper, make a phone call... they are right on me in an instant!

I have pretty much come to the conclusion that 'my time' no longer exists and will cease to exist until the kiddos start school!

Hmmmm....that was helpful eh! lol Sorry! Just know you are not alone.

[OnTheJourney]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Linda ((((hugs)))) I know it's crazy to complain but it's exhausting! People laugh at me because I can't even take a shower if he's awake, or make a phone call.

There has been days go by without a shower to be had around here. When DH is out of town for work, sometimes for a couple weeks at a time, and the kids are not napping at the same time, showers are simply not an option except for at midnight! And even then there is still sometimes someone up that needs attention!

Man I love those kids, though! They wear me out but it is worth it. Everytime I feel beat down, I think about the fact that in a few years they won't need me that way and I find a little extra energy to take advantage of it now!