[jennandsteve]

Yesterday morning was awful. My three year old apparently bopped my 5 yr old daughter in the nose and she kicked, yes kicked him in the face. This happens in their bathroom while they are supposed to brushing their teeth and I am downstairs trying to get dressed for work and waiting for our nanny to arrive who is 10 mins late. I hear screams, more then the usually fighting and complaining, doors slamming and my son comes down the stairs holding out his hand. I assume she must have slammed the door on it. He screams "I boken and bweeding" what the hll? His nose is pouring blood. I yell up to her, what did you do. She yells back, "by the way, I am bleeding too" Serioulsy this was the conversation. I grab two towels and get blood all over my sweater and try to get an explanation. He wanted to go in her room, she tried to push him out, he punched her, she kicked him the face...result two bloody noses. Is this normal? What the heck do I do?

HELP!

I just want them to appeciate and love each other.

[greenrobin]

Ah, best of friends, best of enemies.

BTDT

S and N, my kind of middle kids, were like that. Still are, except now they're adults! Usually there is no blood.

Any more.

In my house, every morning before 8:00, I could guarantee 2 things would happen. Someone would have their neck pinched and the other one would have their ear bitten. Nice. Also true. It didn't matter how closely I watched them either. Neck pinching and ear biting.

Seriously.

Sibling rivalry is normal. Maybe it was a little extreme this time, but I'm betting they learned that that stuff hurts. Unless the violence is becoming a way of life for them, I think I'd just address it like any other inappropriate behavior. They wanted your attention, they got it (also some bruises!) and now they pay the consequences.

Life with more than 1 child is always challenging in surprising ways.

[loveajax]

Since my brother routinely A) soaked facecloths in ammonia and held them over my face until I passed out or B) would go "doody" in the toilet and force my hand in there, I am probably less "sensitive" to sibling issues than many! I know it's not funny, but I did have to laugh at the 10 round matchup between your kids....I personally think it is normal as long as it isn't constant and it doesn't usually go to such "extremes." I have an only child so I don't have much practical parenting advice. Hang in there and I bet they will surprise you soon when you walk in unexpectedly and they are playing together and/or hugging each other!

[jennandsteve]

Thanks! Love the stories and the support. I am laughing a little now too, but I want them to be friends. I was with my sibs but we were all four years apart and these guys are only 21 months apart. Sigh. They do play well together and love on each other about half the time. The rest of the time...well, its tough.

[Barksum]

Yep, this is typical childish behavior. However, 'typical' doesn't mean 'acceptable'. This behavior is not allowed between my kids. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, just that there are consequences for this kind of interaction and the kids all know that they will be facing Mom and Dad for not being kind to their sibs.

To prevent this kind of issue from becoming habitual we talk about ways to resolve conflict. Yes, the young ones get the talks, even though they don't understand them ... yet. We have our kids apologize; "I'm sorry that I hit you and hurt you. Will you please forgive me?" Then if there is restitution to be made we have them do that, as well. (My kids will break their sibs' things at times, so then they have to buy a new one, repair the old, etc.) Lots of talking about how to be kind and forgive during the day, when we are not in the midst of a conflict. I try to plan together with one or the other of the kids what we can do that would be thoughtful for someone in the family. "If we make this for dinner it will be a treat for X because it is their favorite food. That will be fun, to surprise them, huh?" Stuff like that.

Listening to their grievences is important, too. If they have no one to talk to about the injustices that they feel then they'll be more frustrated. Sometimes there is nothing to be done, it's just the way life is. Other times intervention is called for.

For my young kids we work on asking for help. If your sib hits you or takes something from you, then come to mom or dad and ask for help in figuring it out. Do not resort to hitting. As the kids get older we give them the tools to work on it between themselves.

With 5 kids we always have someone doing something that upsets someone else.

[Cjmeck]

My kids are 5.5 years apart, so I don't have actual fighting yet--just constantly irritating eachother. Constantly!
But, growing up, my brother and I were 15 months apart. We fought just like your kids did. I remember him running after me with a baseball bat and I slammed the bedroom door in his face. I thought I was safe. Then he about knocked me out when the baseball bat came THROUGH my door and hit the back of my head! There was lots of fighting, bloody noses, a broken arm, ect... We must have drove our parents insane.
I cannot believe I can now say that he and I are actually friends
I don't have advice on how to handle it, but yes, I think its normal. Either that or my brother and I should have been in therapy...

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by loveajax

Since my brother routinely A) soaked facecloths in ammonia and held them over my face until I passed out or B) would go "doody" in the toilet and force my hand in there, I am probably less "sensitive" to sibling issues than many!

Oh. My. Goodness. Every single thing my siblings have EVER done pales completely in comparison to that. I hope those are the worst things that he did???

[loveajax]

Ddw, no...do you have an hour to listen to the rest....haha! Cj, maybe the four of us can get a group "discount" therapy rate!

[Cjmeck]

Originally Posted by loveajax

Ddw, no...do you have an hour to listen to the rest....haha! Cj, maybe the four of us can get a group "discount" therapy rate!

LOL! As I was reading your post, all I could think was "my brother wasn't smart enough to think of that". Okay, since we're having a therapy session, I remember him throwing dog poop in my face... Now in all fairness, I'm sure I plotted (and executed) my share of evil comebacks

[aclee]

Typical. My sister and I are 18 months apart, and as children we would be best pals one day, arch enemies the next. Once I wanted to get into her room, and was using the wall opposite her door for leverage to push the door open, and she realized she couldn't hold it shut, so she let go, my head (I was sitting, back to her door, feet against the opposite wall, pushing off) slammed back against the floor. She then grabbed me by the hair, whipped my head all the way back over and slammed my face into the floor. Something popped in my neck and I went completely limp. She calmly shut the door and left me there. My mother was ready to call an ambulance, but apparently it was just a pinched nerve or something because I was fine after a few minutes.

She is older and was always stronger. I realized quickly I couldn't over power her, but I figured out how to reduce her to tears in 3 seconds. Running track and sports were her LIFE, so I always told her I would cut her legs off in her sleep ...made her bawl like a baby!

Sibling ...we're good friends now though

[feelingreyt]

My sisters and I fought like crazy when we were younger. Now all 4 of us are very close and the best of friends.

When my children have fights and act like they hate each other, it really bothers me. I, like you, want them to love each other and co-exist peacefully. Well, they do love each other, but the peacefull co-existance, not so much.

They are punished when they fight and I make them apologize to each other. I also remind them that no matter what they will always be brother and sister and one of these days they will be best friends(atleast I hope so!). I also tell them, When you feel like you have no one who is there for you, look around and see who is at your side. They don't really get it yet, but it's so true. Even now they may fight, but let someone else be mean to one of them and you got both of them defending each other!

[jennandsteve]

Great stories! Thanks, I don't feel like quite such a bad mommy!

[jcm]

My brother is 5.5 years older than me and came up with some of the nastiest ways to torture me....but I was a tattle-tell.

My two favs were: 1) Holding me down on the ground with his knees while letting a spit glob hang over my head...until it finally broke and landed somewhere on my face or head; and 2) punching me in the back of the thigh while laughing. Oh, and running to my room was out of the question, because he could pick the lock.

I'd call my Mom at work to complain, who would hiss down the line; "If I have to come home, both of your ***** are going to get it!"

Ah, parenting in the 70's.

[Fe2002]

Originally Posted by jcm

I'd call my Mom at work to complain, who would hiss down the line; "If I have to come home, both of your ***** are going to get it!"

Ah, parenting in the 70's.

That reminds me of my mom! My sis and I rarely fought - I can only think of two. We weren't even ALLOWED to be mad at each other... if you can believe that. It was against the rules for us to be mad at each other... we would BOTH get in trouble no matter whose fault it was.

So if we were mad at each other we would have to pretend that we weren't. It's kind of hard to be mad at someone when you're pretending your not. In retrospect I think it's hilarious... I'm definitely employing that rule when adoption #2 rolls around.

[Linny]

Wow! I have to tell ya that reading this thread has made me feel MUCH Better about my kids and their fighting. I have a MIL who can't believe how two of my kids fight; but their antics aren't nearly as onery as some I've read here!
One of my 'fears'.....is that if someone were to break their arm or get injured enough to end up in the hospital ER....someone from CPS would be knocking at my door....I've never had anything like that happen (enough fighting-- something broke).......but I know of a family who's dad and son were play wrestling (seriously, only playing) and the dad ended up with a black eye. (Dad was facing 'down' quickly, while son was pushing up just as quickly). The eye was bad enough dad went to the ER and the incident was questioned over and over again!!! (I know...'C'MON!!!!')

Sooo, while two of mine (17months apart) fight 'like cats and dogs'...it really IS nice to see other parents are living with the same (and then some?? LOL). I'm not sure what it is, I see a lot of 'ownership' stuff...(this is mine, while THAT is yours so leave MINE alone!)............and either my oldest two fought like this and I've forgotten about it, OR, these two aren't 'typical'????
Anyway......just thanks for sharing some of your stories guys. It really does make me feel as though I'm NOT a bad momma after all.

Sincerely,

Linny