[luvbeingamom]

My husband and I are crushed. My neice changed her mind about placing her daughter after 12 days in our home. No matter how much you try to prepare for something like this, it is truly devastating. My husband bonded quicker and harder to her than our bio sons. I really, really wish she would have taken advantage of the counseling we offered her so this could have been avoided.

We are currently regrouping and realize we still want to add a child to our family. We want to look at embryo adoption, IVF with donated eggs, domestic adoption, foster-adopt and international adoption. I am really worried that domestic adoption will not work for us because we are in our early 40's and my husband is a cancer survivor. (testicular) Who would pick us? Any advise from the over 40 crowd on how to proceed would be appreciated.

[Magic_Hat]

I'm so sorry! Can't imagine going through that.

As for age, we adopted our first at 39 and 41 and our second (just 4 months ago) at 41 and 43. Our first child's birth mom was mid 20s and our second child's birth mom was just 16. To the 16 year old, we must've seemed old. We didn't put our ages on our profile and I don't know if she asked the SW or not. I don't think your age will be an issue with domestic.

Good luck!

[tanmansmom]

I'm so sorry this happened. I was 40 and DH 38 when TJ was born. Looking to do it all again with foster to adopt and I am currenlty 43! Good luck to you.

[portlowski]

I was 42 and DH was 39 when we adopted our son. His birthparents were teenagers and initially they were looking at younger couples but they chose us because they said we "felt like the right ones" to them.

I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing and I hope that you will still be able to be a positive influence in this child's life. My best to all involved.

[startedover]

39 and 43 here. Our birthmom liked the fact that we had age and older children. We felt we were stable and responsible.

[Whirled_Peas]

Sorry about your loss.

So far we beat out everyone. We were both 46 years old when I started nursing our 6 hour old baby girl.

[sugarmuffin]

Sorry about your loss.... got my baby at 41 as a SINGLE parent. She picked me because "something" about my profile touched her. Don't worry about odds just go for it.

[Gs_Mom]

44 and 45 here for our second adoption. 40's is not too late!

[Linny]

Hey....young at heart and very energetic, but dh and I are BOTH 52...and just brought home our fourth baby in eight years!
We were 45 when we got one baby.....47 for another, 49 for yet another baby....and now, this baby came to us at less than one month of age.

Don't worry about your age...or the cancer survivor thing.......just go for it. And, to avoid the chance of a birthmom changing her mind.......only accept already born babies. Worked for us.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Asha0314]

Sorry to hear that situation didn't work out.

BTW:
I was forty two when I adopted as a single parent.

[luvbeingamom]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I made a couple of phone calls today. We live in a very rural area of California. It seems that only two agencies serve our county. They do only independant adoptions. I am a little nervous about independant adoptions because of the situation I just went through. I keep on reminding myself...these Emoms will be going through counseling so maybe they will be more in touch with their feelings. I would have been fine (disappointed, not crushed) if she had changed her mind at the hospital or within the 1st couple of days.

I think we have narrowed our possibilities to embryo adoption, donor egg IVF or domestic adoption. Right now I cannot imagine going through the uncertainty of foster-adopt, but I may change my mind later. I'm doing my research right now and still need some time to heal before making a final decision.

[Gwen72]

I was 36 and DH was 47 when we were picked by a firstmom to be the parents of her son. We were open to any race, any gender, some medical and some drug/alcohol. From the time we were homestudy certified to bringing home baby was 9 months. He was 16 hours old when we got him. Explore all your possibilities and options. Don't let your age hold you back. Go for it!