[4everwaiting]

Yesterday I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up J's reflux meds and left her with dh, his mom and sister. When I left she was jumping in my MIL's lap laughing and squeeling, having a great time. When I returned a few minutes later(30 minutes tops) she was screaming as if someone was hurting her... They said when she realized I wasn't there she began to panick and started screaming bloody murder. When she saw me she immediately lunged and clang to me as if she hadn't seen me all day, she stopped screaming as soon as she saw me...

I am a SAHM, my mom lives with us and does not work therefore J is always held, rocked, read to and doted over and has been since the day we brought her home from the hospital. Dh works and does his part in the afternoon, but when she gets upset J has to see me in order to calm down. LOL, even if I'm using the bathroom or in the shower dh knocks on the door so that she can see me.

When she was about 2 weeks we thought she had collick which seemed much better when someone was holding her tight, rocking her. For several months thats the only way we could keep her from crying/screaming during the numerous daily episodes with her stomach...

We now have the meds that are helping with reflux and tummy ache issues, but left with a VERY clingy, needy baby that wants ME (only me) all the time... In the past 5 months I have only been away from her a total of 15 hours. I've left her with my sister and my aunt both very well versed with babies and the only ones I would trust with J... She screamed for 2 or more hours before falling asleep (from exhaustion) and snubbing as she slept. LOL, she has fired them both! They said when I need a baby sitter they are both busy, out of town and have the plague... They were JK, but still makes me not want to leave her with anyone as she panicks and seems to need me.

I know I probably brought this on myself but could use some help here. Advice, prayers, anything????

[SupaModel]

I was so scared of the clingy thing that I made sure I let ALL my friends hold DS every since he was 2 weeks old. Also there were times when he was sleeping in my arms and I just wanted to let him stay there but I knew i was creating a monster so I would put him down.

It's hard especially for us because of what we went through to get them but sometime we gotta be strong and try and make them more independant by not "being there" so much.

[bevy]

I think that the bond she has formed is wonderful! Also, all kids are so different. My son, now 4, is still clingy and a real mama's boy. Character is part of it too.
I would work on leaving her with daddy as much as you can so you can at least leave her with him...he will like that too (eventually! )

[PersianMama]

You cannot spoil a baby. A secure attachment to the mother (or other primary caregiver) is a sign of healthy development. If you look at it in purely biological terms, your baby doesn't know that she's safe without you, and it will be a while before she has the cognitive abilities to do so. Enjoy it while it lasts because one day, she'll refuse to snuggle. I highly recommend AskDrSears Homepage if you have questions about "spoiling" and healthy attachment

[4everwaiting]

I agree Supa, our intent was to raise her a "people friendly baby" who never met a stranger... Reflux, collick issues had a way of changing our goals, but now that she's feeling better- we really want to get back on track with the "people friendly baby" rearing.

Dh thinks we should hire a sitter a couple of days a week to get her use to other people.

LOL, poor baby sitter better have good ear plugs!

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by PersianMama

You cannot spoil a baby. A secure attachment to the mother (or other primary caregiver) is a sign of healthy development. If you look at it in purely biological terms, your baby doesn't know that she's safe without you, and it will be a while before she has the cognitive abilities to do so. Enjoy it while it lasts because one day, she'll refuse to snuggle. I highly recommend AskDrSears Homepage if you have questions about "spoiling" and healthy attachment

I agree. I had 5 kids and never worried about spoiling them because of holding them. Never mind a baby that has dealt with adjusting to differnt mothers.

[OakShannon]

You didn't do anything wrong!! I really think babies have their own inborn personalities and some are going to naturally be "clingier" than others. Stranger anxiety and separation anxiety are normal stages - more pronounced in some kids than others no matter what you do. You can try to raise a "people friendly baby" but if that doesn't match her temperament, there's not much you can do.

I would give her what she needs as much as you practically can and don't worry about "fixing it." Time will do that. I completely agree with PersianMama. You can't spoil a baby.

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by dpen6

I agree. I had 5 kids and never worried about spoiling them because of holding them. Never mind a baby that has dealt with adjusting to differnt mothers.

Easy to say now but at the time I had a self - soother who seemed not to need anyone and I was VERY worried about attachment. First of all they are wired how they are wired and secondly, be glad she is able to get her needs met through healthy attachment even if it's only with one person. I know people who would have loved to be in your position with a baby. Babies are HARD work, I know, but what is happening is healthy for HER kwim?

[4everwaiting]

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions! Maybe "spoiled" wasn't the right wording, possibly seperation anxiety would be titled better...

I am thrilled that she is bonded with me- I really am! Please don't think I am complaining. I am thrilled that she has a very strong attachment, as I have her since the day she was born. But, as several people have pointed out "she needs to get used to other people too" just incase you have to go somewhere without her ie: hospital or something.

Parenting is tough and I really just want to do everything right for her...

[hopingforachild]

I feel for you because I need time once in a while to be by myself. My DS is 6 wks old. Something as simple as going to the pharmacy by myself to pick up a script is a welcome break. I hope you can continue to enjoy your bond, yet find a way to ease her separation anxiety so that you can have a few minutes to yourself. I'm sure Daddy would like to enjoy some fun time alone with her also.

Praying for you!
Kathy

[manni28]

Dh thinks we should hire a sitter a couple of days a week to get her use to other people

Great idea! I would suggest you get a "seasoned" sitter who's use to a child making the transition from mom to "other people". They'll have the patience

I wish you the best!

-Manni

[SamIAm2]

I don't have any advise as I am in the same boat, but I can empathize with what you are describing. Natalie has always had horrible separation anxiety and would scream until her little face would get covered in a rash if I left her. She's will be 4 in October and it hasn't gotten too much better. If I leave the house without her, I have to sneak away (which I hate doing, btw)...and then I can ONLY leave her with her older siblings or her daddy. Even then, she calls me every 5 minutes...LOL!! When she was a baby she wouldn't even let her birthmom hold her for more than a couple of minutes and I know that probably hurt her feelings. I'm worried about how I will EVER get her to go to preschool next year !! I agree with the others that it's a very healthy attachment...but it can still be worrisome, like you said, during times when you have to be away for something important.

[angelkisses0102]

I suggest reading up on attachment and adoption. Even though you adopted a newborn...that does not mean she could not be struggling with attachment.

What you are describing could be anxious (insecure) attachment. That means she is not yet certain you will return to her. Very normal in adopted babies (even bio babies can have this type of attachment struggle under the right circumstances.) Personally, unless you have something planned where you will absolutely need to be gone from her...I would practice attachment parenting and I would not leave her just randomly until she can handle it. There is no such thing as 'too attached'...too attached typically means insecure attachment.

I had a velcro baby (anxiously attached) and it took him quite a while to finally realize this mommy was not leaving him too. Granted he was 8 months old at adoption...but in our immediate family we have a bio preemie two year old who was hospitalized when she was first born...she also struggles with anxious attachment.

Some kids are more needy than others...even now even though my guy has 100% healthy attachment to me...he is much more snuggly and needy emotionally than my DD...who attached to me seemlessly. Their personalities are so, so different.

Good luck and hang in there...

[Stormster]

I used to sneak out all the time (not that he noticed) but I read it's not a good idea to do that.....?

[Amber76]

DS was the exact same way, and still is to an extent. He is happy to go to whomever and play with whomever, but if I walk out of the room, he screams and cries until I come back. (This is even with the teenagers who LIVE here with him!) One thing I found that seems to have eased his anxiety a little is that I made a point of leaving him with the teens (my nephews) in the house, telling him "Bye-bye, I'll see you in just a minute" and then just walking to the mailbox and back. It's amazing how quickly he figured out that I really was coming back. Now he is generally okay if I have to be out for an hour or two. He's always fine with Daddy or my sister, but still has some issues with my mom or my nephews watching him for more than a few minutes. I had to add that I probably haven't been away from DS for more than 15 hours total-and he's 15 months old!