[aclee]

So, before we were sure we were matched with Matty I started looking for sources of breast milk. I know that even if I produced some, I didn't think I would produce enough...so I started almost a month ago looking for sources. I told potential donors that we might be matched with Matty, and about him, and if not, that I was interested in breast milk for whatever child we adopted. Right away a mother staying at Boston Children's with her very sick child e-mailed me back and basically said, "I posted that I have milk available, and I felt no connection to any of the responses of people that were interested." (breast milk is hard to find in this area) "I feel a real connection to you, and to the baby you describe (Matty), I am thinking positive for you, and when you bring him home, I will have breast milk waiting. I would like to pump for my son, and your's." Anyway, over the month, we have gotten quite close, I follow her sons carepages, and she was so excited when we got to bring Matty home. She has tons of pictures of us etc.

So we are working our way through the breast milk we picked up in New Jersey when we were there (700 ounces) and have kept in contact with her. She just kept saying that there was no rush, the lactation department was storing the milk for her son, and was aware of Matty, so we could pick it up whenever.

The last several days her son's health has gone dramatically down hill. I sent her a supportive e-mail and said nothing about the milk. I had almost forgotten about it since her son got so ill. I just got an e-mail from her that they are taking him off life support on Wednesday and then heading home to Chicago shortly after. She seems (and says she is) at peace, and that part of her healing is her joy that Matty will benefit from the breast milk she pumped for her son. We are going in tomorrow to meet her, her son, and to get the breast milk...

I'm a mess. I'm a very emotional person, with everything she is going through, that she's even thinking about this, is astonishing to me. I feel so blessed...just can't put it into words. We're trying to get my sister to babysit Tyler so he isn't running crazy down the hospital halls, otherwise I'll go in with Matty alone. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna be bawling...I mean the last thing that should happen here is her comforting ME...

Anyway, I just needed to share...so you all know that amazing things like this are still happening in the world!

[oceanica]

That is sooo sad!!! I feel so bad for her.
At least her milk can be used by little Matty!

[Nevada Jen]

WHat a wonderful gift you are receiving. Just make sure you tell her that you are so honored that she is giving when so much has been taken from her. You are right in your thoughts. As a parent of a very sick child (healthy now, knock on wood), whe my daughter was near death, it was very hard for me to deal with taking care of other people's greif. Tell her you are always there to lend an ear and try your hardest to be strong.

[lotsa_love_2give]

*HUGS* and prayers to all of you! I could not even IMAGINE what this mother is going through, but I'm sure that by her being able to help you and Matty out is helping her, in her own way.

We will for sure keep you all in our prayers!

[nurse_reedle]

Wow! How hard for her and what a blessing to you and your baby!!!

[reetoreet]

Wow....you are receiving a wonderful gift. It probably gives her some peace knowing what she did for her son is helping another child. I will pray for her and her son...and for you too!

[kakuehl]

One of the things I have learned as a pastor is "ministry of presence." Don't worry about having the right words to say. Say thank you for the gift. Give her a hug (if it seems appropriate) and sit with her a bit. Don't be afraid of silence! If you are a praying person, pray silently as you sit.

[Linny]

Oh my gosh, Amy......I feel for you! My thoughts are, it won't matter if you're crying or not...who wouldn't, KWIM? I think she'll understand one way or the other....and I'm sure either way, she's feeling comfort as she's said she is. How blessed to know her and to have this connection with her. I'll say a prayer for her as well.

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[abensonslaton]

Where I work we recently had a patient lose a full term infant was born still born. We had just opened up a donation station at our hospital. She asked if she could pump than donate her milk. She found comfort in that and that her baby's death wasn't in vain. Believe it or not this is probably helping her find the light in an awful situation and give her some faith and hope along with such a tragic loss. Good luck.
Ange

[Stormster]

Amy that's so amazing and inspiring. I agree she might find this healing in some small way? Don't worry about crying. You are human! Just say something like "I'm ok, I'm emotional, you don't have to comfort me!"

[Amber76]

What a tough situation for her, and how amazing that she still wants to bless you and Matty with her kindness and generosity! As someone who has been on the grief end of things far too often the past five years (my sister, my 7 year old niece, my daughter in Guatemala), I would say that the best thing you can do is just listen and follow her lead since every person grieves so very differently. One of the worst things anyone did was to try to tell me everything happens for a reason, it's what was meant to be, etc, and none of that is helpful right after a loss-it is now, but not then. I would avoid those things if you can and just tell her thank you for the gift she is giving your son and that you are there for her if she needs to talk.

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by Nevada Jen

WHat a wonderful gift you are receiving. Just make sure you tell her that you are so honored that she is giving when so much has been taken from her. You are right in your thoughts. As a parent of a very sick child (healthy now, knock on wood), whe my daughter was near death, it was very hard for me to deal with taking care of other people's greif. Tell her you are always there to lend an ear and try your hardest to be strong.

ITA. When Camern was at his sickest and very near death, I couldn't comfort other people as I was barely holding it together myself. Jen's advice is perfect.

[Gwen72]

Wow. What an amazing story. She sounds like a wonderful person. She will be in my prayers.

[loveajax]

OMG, I honestly cannot imagine. I do not deal well with other people's grief and usually "lose it" myself (thus requiring the people in the most pain to comfort me...it's horrible). I think you will know the right things to say and do. I am so sorry for this poor woman and her baby. And what an amazing gift she is giving Matty.

[aclee]

Thankfully DH IS coming in with me, and I know that will help. Ty is staying with my sister. Mike will mainly handle the transfer of the milk so I can talk with her for a few minutes. I think I can hold it together. I think I can, I think I can. (said the little engine that could)

Devildog...are there any research centers for pediatric heart conditions that we could donate to? I don't think I could get it out of my mouth to ask her. We can donate to Children's I guess, but I would rather donate directly to a charity for research. Thanks.