[jennlk]

I've enjoyed reading all the posts recently of breastfeeding and formula feeding. I had a question for those of you with OAs: Has anyone had a situation where their bmom pumped and gave you her milk for the baby?

I b/f my dd for only about 6 weeks (almost 8 years ago)and for some reason, my milk dried up. She was eating great and I was pumping too, but after about 6 weeks, I was as dry as a bone. I was very upset about that, but after all the drama my dd took to the formula just fine. Now that we've been matched and I've been reading of some amoms b/f, I've been wondering if I could do it again with this one coming up (emom is due in Nov). However, my fear is that something will happen and I won't be able to. I've been to some of the sites posted here and doing some other research, but if I can't do it myself, I thought it might be something we could ask emom for if she wanted to. I don't want to pressure her in any way and it would be totally her decision of course, but has anyone here done that? The only reason I'm even thinking this is because we've had several conversations with emom and as of right now, she wants to do whatever she can to have a bond with her child after the adoption. Would asking her to pump for us be too much for her (we wouldn't ask until closer to due date, but still)? If you did do this scenario, how did you bring it up with emom? TIA!

[thanksgivingmom]

There's a first Mom here on the boards that pumped for several months after her child was placed - hopefully she can give you some information! Best of luck!

[Emberbit]

That would be me probably.

I was dead set on nursing the baby until TPR was signed. I was sold on the health benefits and no one was going to deprive my baby of them. Any possible parents who had a problem with the plan were immediately crossed off my list and that left me with parents who agreed with me on the 'human milk is best for human babies' thing. Formula is fine for most babies under most circumstances and they can thrive on it and it can be a great choice but I was firmly set that my baby would at least get colostrum.

The parents I ultimately picked were happy that I planned to nurse Baby and brought up the subject of pumping later. I pumped and occasionally nursed to keep my supply up and was baby's exclusive diet for 4 months until I had had enough. They tried to switch her to formula at that point but she didn't do well on it. I weaned very slowly from the pump so that Baby's mom could induce lactation and establish a good supply. At 16 months, she is still occasionally nursing but I believe the plan is to have her completely weaned by the time she's 2.

So that's the general story. I'd be happy to answer more questions by PM if you have them...

[oceanica]

TGM, is that something you would have considered?

[thanksgivingmom]

I suppose I never really thought of it as a possibilty to be honest!

It would have been really hard as I was living at home and the whole secrecy issue - BUT had situations been different (I lived on my own, matched more traditionally, etc.) and knowing what I know now? I think I would have.

[thanksgivingmom]

And yes Emberbit, I was hoping you would see this thread to share your personal experience

[SomethingSerene]

I am an emom due in Oct. We are having an OA as the amom is someone I've known for many years (one of my sister's best friends). We met to discuss some details 2 weeks ago (they live about 3 hours away from me but her parents live here) and I asked if she had thought about inducing lactation. They said they had read about it and talked about it and decided against it since they would have to supplement some anyway. Then I asked if I pumped and found a way to send them the milk would they feed it to him? She said "we would try" I'm not sure what that means "try". I don't want to go through all the work of pumping to have it thrown away! I'd rather donate it to a milk bank if there's any chance they wouldn't use it. I'm a little afraid to tell them that I plan to breastfeed the few days in the hospital before they take him home! I feel very strongly about breastfeeding, but I realize a lot of people don't share my views, and I think they don't care if he gets any breastmilk. Obviously this is something that we will talk about more before Oct.
I would just ask your emom if she had ever thought about it, sooner rather than later so she has some time to think about it. With the idea in her head maybe she will serioulsly consider it, if she hasn't already. It would definitely give her a bond with the baby and be SO much better for the baby.

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by SomethingSerene

I am an emom due in Oct. We are having an OA as the amom is someone I've known for many years (one of my sister's best friends). We met to discuss some details 2 weeks ago (they live about 3 hours away from me but her parents live here) and I asked if she had thought about inducing lactation. They said they had read about it and talked about it and decided against it since they would have to supplement some anyway. Then I asked if I pumped and found a way to send them the milk would they feed it to him? She said "we would try" I'm not sure what that means "try". I don't want to go through all the work of pumping to have it thrown away! I'd rather donate it to a milk bank if there's any chance they wouldn't use it. I'm a little afraid to tell them that I plan to breastfeed the few days in the hospital before they take him home! I feel very strongly about breastfeeding, but I realize a lot of people don't share my views, and I think they don't care if he gets any breastmilk. Obviously this is something that we will talk about more before Oct.
I would just ask your emom if she had ever thought about it, sooner rather than later so she has some time to think about it. With the idea in her head maybe she will serioulsly consider it, if she hasn't already. It would definitely give her a bond with the baby and be SO much better for the baby.

I am adoptive nursing my baby. She only had 2 ounces of formula in the hospital before I could get to her. I have had to supplement a bit with donor milk. You can find out about milk donation at Donation. She can learn about inducing lactation at Ask Lenore ~ Home Page. She could use a lactaid to nurse the baby at her breast with your milk (or donor milk or formula.) You can get more info at Welcome to Lact-Aid International, Inc.

A lot of people told us not to be so upfront that I would nurse the baby. They thought it would chase away emoms. I wanted someone who WANTED me to nurse. I wish our baby's birthmom had been able to pump, but at least I found donor milk. From what I've read there are plenty of amoms that want to nurse. I see them all the time at MotheringDotCommunity Forums - Powered by vBulletin and at Ask Lenore ~ Home Page. And, of course, the moms who are seeking milk at Donation. It seems emoms that want their babies nursed are more rare. Or it could be that they just don't post as much as the pamoms do.

[SomethingSerene]

Yes, I think you are right about the emoms not wanting amoms to nurse. I read a thread on another forum about this (how bmoms would have felt if they found out the amom was nursing) and many of the bmoms thought the idea was "gross"! I don't understand that feeling at all - a product of our society, I guess. I have heard of a lot of amoms who induce lactation. To me it would be worth it but I don't think it is to my amom. You have to be pretty educated about breastfeeding to understand how important it is and I don't think she is. I will forward those links to her though - can't hurt to try!

[Amandak249]

This is not my forum at ALL ( I'm an adoptee.)

But I was reading this with interest and I may have something to contribute.


I had a cousin, ( a distant one) who adopted domestically about 2 years ago. I saw her at a wedding, where she was breastfeeding her little son. She was breastfeeding at the table but she decided to go into the ladies room at some point. As SOON as she left, all the women at the table had something to say. What I remember most is

" she wants everyone to think that baby is hers. It's so strange that a woman who was not pregnant would breastfeed another womans baby."


I had nothing to contribute to that conversation, as neither my birthmother or my adoptive mother breastfed me, but I've heard this attitude expressed more than once.

Of course all of us know that it's all about the child- about his or her well being and health. But I've heard plenty of people who interpret it as just another way for the adoptive mother to "pretend" that the baby is "hers."


Regarding some birthmoms or emoms expressing "disgust" at the idea.. perhaps they too have heard these ideas? (ridiculous though they may be)


to the OP- I would ask, and I would do it soon to give her time to digest the information and gauge whether or not it would be something she'd be interested in doing. If she chooses not to, and you decide that you would lke to induce lactation- I really can't decide whether or not you should do it if she doesn't like the idea. On one hand, if she states clearly she would be upset if you breastfed and she doesn't want to either, I think it's your obligation to respect her wishes. On the other hand, you will become the childs mother and breastmilk is vital and very good for any child, and why should that infant be deprived? I can understand how it could be a very personal, very touchy issue. As everyone else said, I think you'll have to have a good conversation about this with the emom.

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by Amandak249

" she wants everyone to think that baby is hers. It's so strange that a woman who was not pregnant would breastfeed another womans baby.

That has got to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard on so many levels.

[Amandak249]

Whirled peas-

Agreed.

[SomethingSerene]

That's so sad that your cousin induced that kind of reaction! In most other cultures people wouldn't even think about it. Did you see the video of Salma Hayek bfing a baby in Africa? Sad that so many people in our country are so ignorant about bfing these days. And that they don't see an adopted baby as "her" baby! She doesn't have to "pretend" it is hers!
Whirled Peas - if i was going through an agency I would definitely look for a family the was going to induce lactation.