[jcsunshine]

We were thrilled with a private adoption situation of an amazing 2 year old little boy. He spent a week with us and just felt like our son. We were all set to go, paper work drawn up and waiting for the ICPC. Well as we are discussing immunizations I am told, "He is up to date on everything but I have to get a Hepatitis C test." I was shocked and said, "Why would he need a Hep C test?" the reply, "I thought I told you both his parents have Hep C. It isn't a big deal... people have Hep C and don't even know it." I was floored to say the least. It is a very big deal.

I did my research and was relieved to find out that his chances were pretty low about a 3-5%. I asked the attorney to slow down the process a bit until the test came back. Well... I got the call that he is positive. I am a mess.

Would you go ahead with it? I feel so bad for the little guy. He is beautiful and other than that a healthy kid. However, we just don't feel like we can do it. I would rather ache now than possibly lose him or watch him suffer later. I feel so bad because he needs a home and love but I just found out I am pregnant and I can't put this baby at risk. I know there are people out there who wouldn't care about the Hep C but am I a bad person because I can't do it?

[portlowski]

I don't know the details of his case but my best friend got hep C from a blood transfusion when she was 16 years old. She is now 42 and the mom of 2 healthy kids. She recently went to the doctor and was told she is stable and doesn't need any treatment at this time. She has had this disease for 26 years!

I also have a degenerative and sometimes deadly disease and am on the waiting list for a kidney transplant. It is a genetic disease, and depite that fact, I am so glad that I have had this life to live (I am 45 and counting!) and that my parents loved me and took care of me.

You should not feel guilty if this is a situation that you know you cannot handle, but I would do some more research. Hep C to my knowledge is a rather silent disease, not one that impairs daily living in most cases, although there is always a risk of liver failure...there are also treatments available such as living donation and cadaver donation. If he has to go through these things, he will need a strong support system and a lot of love.

Good luck with your decision and my thoughts are with you and this little boy.

[Gwen72]

You are not a bad person because you don't feel that you can handle this situation. We all have a lot of soul searching and hard decisions to make when we adopt. We have to decide what race we are comfortable adopting, what level of drug and alcohol exposure we are comfortable with, what special needs we can handle and the list goes on ad nauseum. We all make the best decisions for our families. I was open to race. That doesn't make me "better" than someone who was not open to race. The person not open to race is not a bad person imo. I was not open to special needs. That does not make me worse than someone who was open to special needs and it does not make me a bad person. Do you see what I mean? Don't beat yourself up over this. Good Luck with whatever decision you make and congratulations on your pregnancy!

[ourdreamcametru]

Do not ever feel bad if you decide a situation is not for you! It's better to admit it now and move on than to regret it later. That said, my friends husband has HepC and lives a very normal life without any problems. He got it from getting tattoos years ago. He's 52 and they have three healthy children together. Just do your research and go where your heart leads you.

[mommieof2cuties]

I would still adopt, the baby you are pregnant with could be born with something way worse (don't mean to say that) but I believe we are given what we can handle. I am sure you have friends who have C and haven't even told you. The fact is many people have it and have not been tested for it. Life is so sort to worry over the what if's. But it is up to you in the end to decide. But this wouldn't turn me away, you can get C from have blood transfusions, tat's etc. I have a few friends that have C and all but one live a normal life with kids. One has had bouts of being very sick. But I also have friends with cancer and again are fighting for ones life. But in the end it is what you can handle. I wouldn't goodle it, I would join a support group and see how other parents handle it. But it wouldn't turn me away. We have such a high rate of stillbirth and other pregnancy issues going on these days, I wouldn't turn down an adoption because of this.

[greenrobin]

Like the others, I too know an amazing woman who is living with Hep C. Hers came from making poor choices in a wild "former" life. She also had treatment for TB. But she is totally awesome.

Would I adopt this child? That doesn't matter--you are the one facing the decision. The questions you need to ask yourself (and a doctor) are the hard ones: What if he has a medical crisis? What if he needs a transplant? What if he responds well to treatment measures? What other options for treatment exist? What if he doesn't have it at all?

None of us gets an ironclad guarantee with any of our children regardless of how they came to be ours. We just get the chance to love them.

If the possibilities are too difficult for you, then you will be making the right decision to allow him to have a family that can handle it. If feel like you are well-informed and have the support necessary to deal with his potential health issues, they you are making the right decision to make him your son.

Inform yourself. Get as much information as you can. Talk to God. Whatever you decide, I pray that you will have peace with the decision and this little boy will have a happy life.

[mandirenee]

Frist, You should not feel bad if you don't proceed.

Secondly, Since you asked for opinions...I would proceed. Our daughter's bmom was hep C positive and there's a chance A will also have hep C. We have talked with several drs and a specialist at one of the top 5 Children's hospitals and this is NOT considered a terminal or deadly illness. Most hep c positive people live full and happy lives without medication or treatment.

The chance of exposing your unborn child or yourself is very low. You must have blood to blood contact.

I will tsuggest that if it's going to freak you out and you are going to treat this little boy with "gloves" on his whole life, it's probably not best for him.
Best of luck!

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by mandirenee

Frist, You should not feel bad if you don't proceed.

Secondly, Since you asked for opinions...I would proceed. Our daughter's bmom was hep C positive and there's a chance A will also have hep C. We have talked with several drs and a specialist at one of the top 5 Children's hospitals and this is NOT considered a terminal or deadly illness. Most hep c positive people live full and happy lives without medication or treatment.

The chance of exposing your unborn child or yourself is very low. You must have blood to blood contact.

I will suggest that if it's going to freak you out and you are going to treat this little boy with "gloves" on his whole life, it's probably not best for him.
Best of luck!

Since you asked for opinions, I would also proceed. BUT, you are now pregnant and it does seem that it is going to "freak you out" and you will not treat him the same as your bio baby, so let him go and find a loving family now.

[jcsunshine]

I am a cancer survivor and my husband is a physician. We can understand the magnitude of health issues and the joy of overcoming them. I have learned to manage my own anxiety of scans and check ups. We have a sleeping dragon in our lives already. Can I really ask my husband to worry about losing me AND a child? I see people surviving and thriving through cancer and Hep C and he sees hospice and liver failure. He isn't a pessimist... but his reality is very different than the average person due to his profession and what he sees on a daily basis at the hospital. If I pressure him into this then we all lose. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now with a sick or dying child and a husband who blames me for pressuring him into this gamble. I am educated enough to know that the risk of transmission is low... but do I really want to take that risk or expose my new baby to it? We weren't sure we could get pregnant after all the chemo so this pregnancy is a miracle. (all pregnancies are miracles but this was fairly unexpected)

The little guy is loved and has family just not a traditional mom and dad. He isn't sitting in foster care or an institution. His grandma isn't sure about finding another couple to adopt him but I think he would be a blessing to a family... but in my heart I don't think it can be our family.

[HeidiK]

I think things happen for a reason and I wouldn't walk away from this situation. I work with dying children everyday - and I still would have said yes. I know you will be scared - but there are a million reasons to be scared. You don't know what your future holds - for you personally, your husband, your unborn child and this little boy I am have never been one to make decisions based on fear of the "bad things" happening in life, I look at what might be - the happiness, the joy. Maybe this little boy was placed in your heart becasue you have the knowledge and resourses to help him live a long and happy life. This is just my o-pinion, and I hope you find peace in your heart no matter what path you take

[Fran27]

Listen to your heart... if you're really worried about it, don't feel guilty into accepting... he WILL find a good home!

And congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Whirled_Peas]

Your feelings are all valid. How much personal growth you would, or would not, get is important. However, as you consider your choice, I think the main consideration should be how you would love and care for this child. If you could love him as much as the baby you are carrying, if you could give him all the medical care he needs, if you could have him make his bed and do chores just like his to be born sibling, if you could give him the life he deserves, then consider it.

If you could not, let a family who could do so raise him.

[Linny]

If you have any doubt---whatever the reason----let this situation go. And yes, there will be a family waiting for him and one that won't worry about the Hep C.

We've known of situations where the 'original adopting parents' walked away. We were the ones waiting in the wings----thrilled to have 'our' baby!
It doesn't make you a bad person...or less of a mother (despite what some people in society might think). I've said so many times before......everyone has their piece of the pie in this life/world. Only do what you feel led to do in your heart/soul. There are others who feel led to do other things and therefore contribute their piece of the pie too.

Do what's best for your family.

Sincerely,

Linny

[TxMom65]

Originally Posted by jcsunshine

The little guy is loved and has family just not a traditional mom and dad. He isn't sitting in foster care or an institution. His grandma isn't sure about finding another couple to adopt him but I think he would be a blessing to a family... but in my heart I don't think it can be our family.

Then trust your instincts. The Hep C aside, it will probably be a tough transition for him. YOu have a baby will make it all the more difficult. Bonding and attachment are HARD.

I had some things I couldn't handle in adoption and it sounds bad when I type it out. Some people seek out the very thing I couldn't handle. A social worker told me not to feel bad, but to be honest about what I could and couldn't handle.

My daughter's caregiver before she was in foster care told me that he has had Hep C for years. The first thing I did was take her to have a test. I was in a panic. I know people have it and are OK but I was a nervous wreck on so many levels.

[portlowski]

In my original reply I believe I missed the fact that you are pregnant. I think that is a huge factor in any decision you make right now. If it were me, would probably wait until I had my baby until I decided to take on any adoptive situation no matter whether there were health issues or not. Once you and your DH have adjusted to your new baby, you will be better able to decide if you want to add another child by adoption. Good luck and blessings to you and all involved.