[Beth.]

I'm going to try really hard to not make this yet another baby shower rant ....

I was taught growing up that friends host showers for friends. If a new/expecting mom didn't have friends or their closest friends happened to be their sisters/sisters-in law, it was fine for a sister/sil to host the shower. But, that it was not appropriate for a mother to host a shower for her daughter (baby or bridal). Even okay for an aunt to be the host, but not the mom. My mom explained it as tacky and trolling for gifts.

Am I nuts? Was my mom just crazy? Am I being old fashioned? Does anyone else think the same thing? Because, once again, I have been invited to yet another baby shower hosted by the mother/grandma to be. I don't want to go. Can I not go solely based on principal?

Thanks for listening.

[Whirled_Peas]

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. The purpose of a shower is to celebrate with the mom-to-be and to help them with all the expenses that are coming up. If this is someone you want to celebrate with, go and don't worry about who is hosting it.

On the other hand, when I was trying to get pregnant and wasn't, I stopped going to baby showers. They were just too painful. That is a good reason to not go. Since we didn't tell anyone we were ttc, we probably looked cheap or uncaring when I didn't go and we accepted that. It was just too painful to go and see someone else pregnant.

[crick]

I don't know if it's proper or not for a mom to host a shower. I've really never give it much thought to who was hosting it and have been to showers hosted by moms, sisters, aunts, friends, gmas, godparents, mil, etc.

I think the focus is on the guest of honor and it doesn't matter who is throwing it. If you really just don't want to go, then don't. You don't need to have a reason...

[DianeS]

Beth, you can "not go" based on anything you want. Just remember that people tend to treat you based on how they think you treat them. Don't throw away a perfectly good friendship or aquaintence based on how her relatives act. You (and your mother) are correct in that the mother isn't supposed to throw the shower. But who says the guest of honor had anything to do with selecting the host? This is her mother's lack of manners, not necessarially hers. Use that as your reason to miss the shower at your own risk.

[DPline]

I was always taught the same thing, but in DH's family it is the norm for the Mother of the Bride to host wedding showers and the Grandmother-to-be to host baby showers. I have given up being upset by it. (Ok, I am trying to give up being upset by it! )

If you are nuts and old-fashioned and your mom was just crazy, I am right there with you!

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

I was brought up the same way. The problem I am noticing now, is that my neices friends cannot afford to throw the shower, so I have stepped in to help, and end up hosting a lot of them. It could be that her mom is doing it to bear the cost, and save someone else from having to spend the money to throw the shower. All showers are trolling for gifts, regardless of who throws them.

[Beth.]

Originally Posted by 2Bulgarianbeauties

All showers are trolling for gifts, regardless of who throws them.

You're right!

[Beth.]

Originally Posted by DianeS

But who says the guest of honor had anything to do with selecting the host? This is her mother's lack of manners, not necessarially hers.

Thanks ... that's the perspective I needed. You're right that it's really her mother that I have the problem with. She's a clod.

[mommamarci]

I my family, the aunts threw bridal showers. (My mom comes from a family of 8.) I have about 25 cousins, so once baby showers started, they decided that the guest of honor's sisters would host. If she had no sisters, then her mom would. So for me, my aunts hosted my wedding shower and my sisters hosted my baby shower. For a cousin who has no sisters or sisters in law, my aunts hosted the bridal shower and her mom did the baby.

I think it is fine for anyone to host as long as they aren't going overboard. If she is having 6 showers, I would not attend on principle... But maybe no one else offered to have one. It would be terrible for her to miss out on the opportunity to have a shower simple because no one offered to host one.

[Daisy1339]

I have never ever heard of this!

I must be really tacky, because my Mom hosted my wedding shower! LOL!!

All kidding aside, I really have never heard of this before. ETA: And I really can't see the tackiness of my Mom throwing me a shower.
I'm not offended by this thread AT ALL! But, how would this be perceived as trolling for gifts, just because Mom is giving me the shower? I really don't get it?
Is it just something that you guys grew up with? Can you explain it more?

[aclee]

For all my cousins it was established early that on of the aunts (who only had younger kids) would host baby showers, and one Aunt (who had boys only) would host bridal shower. As, it was AT their house. Sisters typically did the work of the shower. Parents don't normally have anything to do with it. I can say that I'm proud that MY baby shower was battle royal among all the aunts to host, but my sister hands down was the one that "threw it"

When my sister was pregnant with her second, I refused to have another shower for her (she had FIVE showers for her 1st) so her MIL threw her a diapers only party. I did go, I just couldn't do the work again. I spent thousands on her first one!

I think that it doesn't matter who throws the party. They are all sort of trolling for gifts...unless a host is being particularly obnoxious or trying to push expensive gifts or monetary contributions on guests or something...I would go regardless of who was hosting if it was someone that I cared about.

[Merdie]

I too grew up with the moms/grandmas don't throw showers rule. It can be perceived as trolling for gifts and I think it should be left up to extended family or friends to host showers. But it probably wouldn't stop me from going to a shower because ultimately the person is a friend or family member and that relationship is more important than a rule. Just my .02.

[greenrobin]

When my dh was in Officers Candidate School, he was given the big blue book of Service Etiquette. Seriously. That thing weighed about as much as a brick. In it were all of the rules of etiquette for everything.

Did you know that when you call on a family that the male leaves a calling card for every adult living in the house, but no more than 3, and the female leaves a card only for the adult females in the house, again no more than 3?

Oh, if you were hosting, you'd better have a platter or lovely bowl out to hold those cards. This action was carried out silently and discreetly so as not to make a show of it.

I've even done it! But not in about a million years. And I'm still visiting and being visited.

This is my long-winded way of saying that rules of etiquette change sometimes. And even if they don't, you who know them are still "bound" by them. In other words, someone else's impolite behavior will never excuse your own.

If you love the person for whom the shower is being thrown, go. Have a fabulous time. And excuse the faux pas.

You know, it really is true--the person with the best breeding and manners is the one who makes the most people feel comfortable and welcome.

You don't need to remember too many rules with that!

[Beth.]

Thanks everyone! At least I know that my mom didn't make it all up. It's also good to know that there are lots of smart women out there who haven't heard this. The shower is at a nice restaurant, so hopefully there will be good food and a glass of wine.

[Daisy1339]

Yes, thanks for the responses to my question, too!

Although, I have to be honest, I still don't see how my Mom throwing me a shower could be perceived as trolling for gifts anymore than a friend or sister hosting it. I mean, my Mom didn't use the toaster oven or pots and pans that I got.

No disrespect to the way you guys believe, but I just don't see it.

Showers are about "showering" the guest of honor with gifts and are pretty much "trolly" all by themselves, I guess!