[oceanica]

I have been getting more and more paranoid than I already was about A keeping her safe from predators.
Coming from my personal perspective, I can tell you that I will be extremely overprotective. But even with that aside, it's not unreasonable in this day and age. When you watch the news it's always something... pedophile priests and youth pastors, coaches, music teachers or other teachers, camp counsellors, scout leaders, sunday school teachers, daycare staff, family friends and relatives, wth? We can't always be with them 24/7. There is not one wholesome activity that I can think of that some sick individual hasn't used to get access to kids. Now with the internet and the Chris Wallace investigations, I'm really starting to freak out. I hate to be a suspicious parent, but I think I'm going to keep her in the house until she turns 18! (Same with K... didn't want to leave him out.)

At the same time, some of the fun of childhood gets lost, because there will be no sleepovers for her, no trick or treating with other kids, maybe not at all, no roaming around in a group of kids like hubby did when he was young or playing baseball/kickball without adults, no riding bikes around by herself or with friends. That seems like sort of a shame too.

What do you do to ensure their safety and yet let your kid be a kid and enjoy life?

[mondk]

Camp counselors?????????????? Oh no, what have I gotten Bradley into???? I must calm down here!

I'll have to think about an answer to your question, I'll write more later! :-)

Blessings, Michelle

[MamaS]

As an only child, my mother was so paranoid about EVERYTHING that I missed out on a lot. Ride a bike? - you might fall and hit your head (this was before helmets). Ride a horse? - it might throw you and trample you. Be a cheerleader?- and fall from the top of a pyramid and break your neck. Join Girl Scouts and go on hikes? - mosquitoes and malaria, snake bites, falling off a mountain, getting lost in the woods getting burned by a campfire, etc.
I never even asked to spend the night with a friend!
When I became the mother of daughters, I deliberately tried to be less hysterical. I did three things:
1. Told my daughters exactly what was not acceptable and that if anyone said or did anything that was not acceptable they should tell me immediately.
2. Taught them how and what to yell! (You think your kids know, but a child being dragged out of Walmart yelling "I don't want to go" looks like a brat. A child being dragged out yelling "Stranger! Help me. Call the police!" gets some attention.
3. Reminded myself of statistics. Yesterday one teacher was arrested for taking child porn pictures. 350,000 were not arrested. One divorced father kidnapped his child. 580,000 returned them to their mothers after weekend visitation.

If you really want to protect your child from imminent danger - get a horse and buggy. Riding in a car is more dangerous than any other activity.

[jp4ga]

I was and still am very protective of my son who is now a teen and know that I will be so with my now infant daughter. How we handle it is we are INVOLVED.

We are the house all the kids want to be at. We turned the garage into a hangout. So my son is the host of the weekend gatherings. My DH is also active in our sons scout troop. He really does not have time for this, but we feel it is necessary for his protection. I coached soccer for years and taught Sunday school, just so I could make sure he was safe.

We all have concerns but we need to let kids be kids. We can not lock them in the house and not let them do the things that kids do. We need to educate them and teach them about safety and stranger danger. It is a scary world out there, but they can have fun and be safe.

One thing I also do is check the Child Predator website for our state. I can do searches on my own community and see where they live. I then show my son the houses to stay away from. The site I visit also posts pictures of the people so I make sure my son looks at the photos and knows to stay away from those people and let me or another adult know if he sees them in places where children gather (local park or pool).

My son made it to 13 without being abused and has had a full life with friends, sports and other stuff. Hopefully we can continue to keep him safe into adulthood. Now if we can be a successful with our DD.

[Stormster]

I feel like it's ok to be protective and look out for your kids and I have my own stuff (esp. with head injuries) BUT I"m starting to see that it's not ok to be overly paranoid about things that are our own issues because our kids will either become fearful themselves or not enjoy their childhoods fully.

I think sometimes you have to ask yourself (or myself) what is the actual risk here, where is this coming from (the dark recesses of my mind? Or reality!?) and then check yourself (or myself) because that is the sane way to raise our kids.

So.....careful for sure, but sane! A sense of innocence and freedom is the most beautiful thing about childhood and I'd like DS to have that. (While I discreetly do background checks on cub scout leaders LOL)

[shellers]

My dd is only 2 months old but I like a lot of these suggestions, especially being involved. I hope our house is the "fun" house that everyone wants to hang out at.

My mom told me that the most important thing to her was to trust her instincts, regarding the people around our family.

[OakShannon]

I think that it's important to keep in mind that rates of abuse have not increased in the last 40 years. Our kids are really not more at risk than we were. We just hear about it more.

Which means we talk about it more. Which is a good thing.

I agree that it is important to be aware and to talk to our kids. My mom was sexually abused as a child. She told me that and talked to me very openly when I was a child, letting me know that I should tell her RIGHT AWAY if an adult did anything that made me uncomfortable - and that if it did, it wasn't my fault no matter what anyone might try to make me believe. I didn't grow up scared. But I was aware and I knew I could trust her. When I was a teen and I went to a "funny" doctor, I told my parents immediately. So they were able to protect me, simply by being proactive.

I will always make a point of getting to know the parents of D's friends. I plan to make our house as fun and appealing as possible to encourage him to bring his friends here. I will be actively involved in any organization (sports/clubs etc.) that he gets involved in. And I will discretely check out adults he spends time with. But I want him to have fun and enjoy his childhood, too. I think, as with any other parenting issue, it's important to find a balance.

[loveajax]

Oak, my husband just pointed out those statistics to me as well.

I grew up where we would play relivio and kickball in the neighborhood, jump from garage roofs (I grew up in the city -- not a lot of green space!), etc. I am going to be honest -- it was such an awesome way to grow up. Kids looked out for each other. Parents looked out for neighbors' kids, you name it. It also allowed me to develop a great sense of freedom and imagination, etc. I don't know of one kid who was abducted, abused (by a non family member!), etc., and there were lots of us.

I cannot believe how much has changed in less than forty years. I am not sure it is for the "better," really, but I have to "adjust" to the new reality of scheduled play dates, planned activities, blah blah blah. I'd like to say I am this totally not paranoid parent, but man, it IS hard to see things on the news and think how easy that could be your kid.

[shy_bear]

I feel it is ok to be protective of your kids, but not shelter them! You can teach them about personal safety and for them to be aware, but in all honesty it is really out of your hands and you are going to make one sheltered scared person!!! One of our good friends left their kids with a favorite nephew for a couple of hrs. He molested there 3yr old daughter and it has literally torn them away from their family.
We have rules for the girls, but they go to bday parties, sleep overs, and play outside without me staring at them 24hrs a day. My oldest went to Girl Sout camp and loved it! Was I nervous yes!! I think if you are TOO over protective it will back fire in the end. I also feel it does get easier as they get older.

[bethy724]

I think you need to be involved w/ EVERY person your child interacts with. Also, as a parent you have to give them the skills & confidence to ward off preditors-isolating them may do more harm than good - they may someday interact w/ a pedofile & won't know what to do. Keeping an open dialog & honesty w/ your child is invaluable. I knwo every coach, teacher, other parent that interacts w/ my son. we talk every day about what he did ect.. I often ask him if anybody wants him to keep secrets, if the coach is ever alone w/ him - who assists him in the bathroom ect. we are just talking, no drama, just keeping open communication. aS far as sleepovers - you can host them at your house! I wouldn't take away fun things - I would incorporate them into my home & life.

I jsut had sexual abuse class for my fp license - I know how ugly the stats are & the damage it causes= my stomach still hurts.

[Amaurosis]

I think that it's important to remember that no matter how much you shelter your child, it's not possible to prevent difficult/frightening/harmful things from happening to them. Preventing them from interacting with the world in an (age-appropriate) independent way is probably more harmful to them in the long term than most "bad" things that are actually likely to happen to them anyway. All you can do is set reasonable, age-appropriate boundaries, be involved in their lives, and (most importantly) give them the tools to handle difficult situations when they arise.

One of my favorite quotes (since I am a champion worry wart myself): Worry does not prevent disaster, it prevents joy.

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by oceanica

I have been getting more and more paranoid than I already was about A keeping her safe from predators.

Over the past few months, I've been feeling this way too. It's unsettling.
I just ordered "Protecting the Gift."

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

Over the past few months, I've been feeling this way too. It's unsettling.
I just ordered "Protecting the Gift."

I just finished reading it. Very, very insightful. Have you read it oceanica?

[robandjulie]

I think keeping a perspective is really really important here. As a PP said, crime and dangers to kids have actually reduced since most of us were kids it's just the crazy CSI style shows and over-the-top media reporting that have us all jumping at every shadow. Yes, there are bad eggs out there, but not NEARLY as many as the media would lead you to believe. And most of our neighborhoods are perfectly safe. If you aren't sure, go chat with your neighbors and get to know them. Trust your instincts.

A good site for perspective: FreeRangeKids

[nikkianni]

Originally Posted by loveajax

I grew up where we would play relivio and kickball in the neighborhood, jump from garage roofs (I grew up in the city -- not a lot of green space!), etc. I am going to be honest -- it was such an awesome way to grow up. Kids looked out for each other. Parents looked out for neighbors' kids, you name it. It also allowed me to develop a great sense of freedom and imagination, etc. I don't know of one kid who was abducted, abused (by a non family member!), etc., and there were lots of us.

I had basically the same experience but in the country. Half our little neighborhood was made up of family and you knew to go home when porch lights came on.
But we were all taught some very important things. What was good and bad, how to say no and when to scream at the top of our lungs.
And thanks to my Army Ranger Dad, my brothers and I also learned handy things like pressure points, eye gouges, lock picking, etc.

Fast forward 20 years and I'm back in that neighborhood with DD. There's even more family and by and large she will be able to do the same things I did.
I'm not immune to the dangers of childhood but like a PP said, the statistics haven't risen, the awareness has.
For six years I spent most of my time covering crime, a lot of it child abuse in one form or another. I'm well aware of the possibilities. I check the sex offender registry, I do background checks when necessary and above all I pay attention. And will teach DD to so the same.
Oh, and having friends in the local police departments is also a big plus.