[TheStewarts]

Well, let me give you some current history. We were chosen as the adopted family for a 9 year old boy from foster care. He was recently removed from his current foster family (who he stayed at for almost 2 years) because cps had some concerns about the ability of the foster family to care for him any longer, and were not considered as an adoptive placement, although they had expressed interest. They keep taking him to the Psychiatric hospital for "behavior" problems. The hospital says he does not need to be there (at the hospital) and not to bring him back. In the meantime he is with another foster family. We were chosen at the staffing almost 3 weeks ago, and they were supposed to be sending his depersonalized file so that we could read it. Well, our adoption worker called to say that the former foster family had hired an attorney to pursue adoption. She said they have rights to the child after caring for him so long. BUT CPS REMOVED HIM from that home! Now we have to wait for the judge to decide on what to do. It could take 2 weeks to 2 months. We are new to this site, but have been reading for awhile. I thought we could turn to you guys for your advice/ experience.. We are quite confused about all this. Sorry for rambling on. Thanks for any input.

[Fran27]

It makes no sense... I hope CPS objects to the adoption!

[danhanan]

Well, I don't have a lot of knowledge or experience, but from what I have seen, judges usually stick pretty close to what CPS wants

[adoptmom2be]

Wow - really makes you wonder why they are trying to keep him so hard - any chance there are secrets there they don't want to get out?

[Barksum]

I think there is more here than CPS is telling you, and if the FP's are trying to get psychiatric help that is a red flag. And yes, the psych hospital MAY not see what is going on with the child during psych evals.

It could be either way: the FP's are weird and/or CPS has issues. You are not getting the whole picture, either way.

You might try posting on the special needs adoption forum for some other input.

[DianeS]

In situations like this, when you don't know the truth of what has happened, that you have to remember that everybody involved is human. Humans make judgement calls, and sometimes make mistakes. Then other humans get involved, and have to decide whether the first mistakes were big enough to make that first human lose something.

So... keep in mind that the child may not have been removed because something actually harmful was going on. It could have been someone's prejudice, or someone's mistake.

The foster family is entirely within their rights to hire a lawyer, and the lawyer will do what he can to bring the situation to a trial where a judge will look at all the evidece from both sides and make a decision.

So, there is reason to be concerned, but no reason to be confused. CPS thinks they're right to remove the child. The foster parents think they're right to adopt the child. Now the judge will decide.

And as an aside: even if the judge agrees to keep the child out of that home, and you remain the adoptive family, and eventually the child is moved to your home -- do your best to read up on the symptoms the foster family was claiming to see. There are quite a few issues that a 9 year old could have that would show up in a home setting, and not show up in a medical or school or CPS setting. So even if you end up with the child, he could still have the symptoms and issues that the foster family is claiming. So go ahead and research them, and know ahead of time what you'll do if those issues show up in your home.

And right now is the hard part - sit back and wait for the judge's decison. Hang in there!

[joskids]

I'd really like to believe that you're getting the correct picture from CPS because, after all, they don't want to place him with you knowing little and having a disruption. BUT . . . depending on where you are and how CPS operates, I'm with "Barksum." Dig deeper. If this is a child you may be taking responsibility for until he is 18 (and longer), you need to know EVERYTHING.

I hope it works in the best interest of this child, but I also hope that it works out in the best interest of your family.

[ladyjubilee]

Sounds like CPS isn't giving you all the information. This child has been with the family for 2 years....is it likely they're just trying to pawn off a child they are willing to pay a lawyer to fight the system on the mental health system, because....Well, no real "because" answer.

Or is it more likely that the family has struggled to get this kid services from cash strapped government agencies, though medicaid payment deprived facilities? Mix with just how well some kids with attachment issues can mask their illness with stranger?

[mrskt]

As a state adoption specialist, I have a different perspective for you because I just went through this. CPS and the foster family are not the only two parties involved in this... CASA usually has a say, the child's guardian ad litem usually has a say... and if the foster family's lawyer or the guardian ad litem has filed a motion in court, CPS won't be able to move forward with anything until it's heard and decided by a judge. So it may not be that CPS is in agreement with the foster family adopting (obviously if they moved him out of the home), but they may not get to make the decisions they want to right away because of other interventions.

And another uglier possibility - sometimes local CPS offices make decisions, then foster parents hire a lawyer/complain to their legislator/call CPS' Central Office/etc, and all of a sudden, decisions are being issued from higher up the food chain (sometimes without complete information about the case) and the local office has their hands tied...

Just more to think about... hang in there!!!

[TheStewarts]

The Child is diagnosed w/ ODD and Depression. He has had some "meltdowns" at school when he doesn't understand the work. That is what happened the day we were selected at the match meeting. Thanks for your reply.

[KarenInCa]

Sorry to hear about your struggle. As an aside....it's not very often you hear about a 9 yr old in foster care who's wanted by two families. I hope it works out for him, and for you as well.

[quiescentfury]

Just some info from a foster mom.

I have seen many cases where CPS will get mad at foster families and move the kids. If the family is making to much fuss trying to get the child services that are needed and CPS is unwilling to to do it, then the FP go up the line to supervisor, directors, etc. they can and do get fed up and say the family can't handle the child, not the best place and will move them when in reality the fp are just fighting to get what the child needs.

My own experience is that SW disregard what FP say. Our SW did not believe our one foster son had serious issues. Because we could not get the help he needed and hence could not care for him properly we asked for him to be moved. In the past 2 1/2 years he has been moved 7 times. He is only 3 years old. FINALLY the SWs believe there is an issue and is finally getting him the help he needed, but now he is way worse because of all the moves. I fhtey have listened to myself and his other past FP he would not have been asked to be moved.

Not all states and counties have CASAs. We have never had one and have worked in 3 counties. We have NEVER met a guardian Ad litem, though our kids have had them. They just call the SW to get the info for their report.

ODD is and can be a severe issue. Did the SW tell you what happens during the meltdowns. Have they actually seen a meltdown, or just hearing from teachers and FPs? Are you a specialized home? I am happy that you are interested in giving this child a home, but make sure you understand ODD. It is not just little meltdowns, and if it is happening at school more than likely it is happening at home.

Here is a link of some examples of ODD
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder (CD) in Children and Adolescents: Diagnosis and Treatment

[TheStewarts]

Still have not heard anything. Losing hope...

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by TheStewarts

The Child is diagnosed w/ ODD and Depression. He has had some "meltdowns" at school when he doesn't understand the work. That is what happened the day we were selected at the match meeting. Thanks for your reply.

It still sounds like someone isn't being completely honest with you. ODD kids don't have meltdowns because they can't comprehend a request or instruction. They have meltdowns because they do understand the request and see it as a life or death conflict. That's the whole oppositional and defiant part of the disorder. My Little Guy will have a screaming, pinching, spitting, bitting meltdown when he doesn't understand or is overwhelmed. One of my girls that was on the edges of ODD (it was the least of the alphabet) would defy because she knew what I wanted and wasn't about to comply. There's a huge difference in how to respond to the two issues.

[Lorraine123]

This sounds very fishy to me.

First, a hospital cannot tell you not to bring someone in. That is unethical and maybe illegal. When you bring someone into a psych hospital, their job is stabilize the person. If the person is not currently a danger to themselves or someone else, they will be released. So, if the child is able to get himself together well enough to not be dangerous, they will send him home. That doesn't mean the child doesn't have mental health issues, even serious issues. He probably needs a psychiatrist, therapist and appropriate meds. A hospital isn't there to provide that. They will make recommendations for follow up care. They are a crisis factility. Once the person is out of crisis, the hospital releases them.

Next, a meltdown with an ODD child is much more than a meltdown. It is a fight for their lives. As said above, an ODD child reacts out of fear. They don't meltdown because they don't understand. Whoever told you that is wrong. An ODD child will fight EVERYTHING that a person in authority asks them to do. I mean fight with their life. Think how hard you would fight if you felt your life was in danger. They do that simply by being asked to do something like pick up their mess or get a shower. Don't take ODD lightly.

Most kids with ODD also have PTSD and RAD. Not always, but often.

I think DSS is down playing the issues. Get the hospital records. Talk to the foster parents.

I have pretty out of control kids, but this one sounds tough.