[AS-NJ]

My husband and I were chosen by a family to adopt their unborn child - due in december. The emom is bipolar. She has another child which she does not parent & in her first pregnancy she had toxemia and hypertension and had to deliver the baby quite early. What is possibility of the toxemia and hypertension re-ocurring in this pregnancy as well as the possibility of a very premature birth? I am not sure if either of thise conditions have anything to do with her being bipolar either - she is not on meds & I guess controls it situationally. I hope these arent silly questions and thanks so much for your help in advance.

[Stormster]

You know what, based on just this info I'd def. move forward with this. Most people hoping to adopt don't even have this much information. And to be honest, I think a LOT of mental illness goes undiagnosed anyway. I suspect a lot of birth parents who are serious drug abusers have some kind of underlying mental illness anyway to some degree.

Also, the benefits of a child being parented in a highly functional loving family from birth counters a lot of stuff. Just my opinion.

[joskids]

I have a bipolar friend that is doing beautifully in her life right now. She has a healthy and gorgeous little girl and has been in a good place emotionally for quite a while now. As for toxemia, I would ask an OB about it. But my friend had it for her first child and not her second. Whenever I had questions regarding a particular birth-parent issue, I consulted an expert and was always surprised how willing folks are to share information. I'd definitely move ahead on the situation you describe, but I am not the decision-maker in your family.

[luvbeingamom]

I had severe toxemia and hypertension in my first pregnancy and went on to have two more completely normal healthy pregnancies afterwards. My doctor told me preeclampsia (toxemia) is more prevalant in very young mothers.

As far as the bipolar issue is concerned...it is in my biofamily. I have several family members with it. I have kept a close eye out for signs with my children and have not seen it. If we had, we'd get therapy and medication. With treatment, people with bipolar disorder can lead normal, happy, and fulfilling lives.

[jp4ga]

My concern is that this is a really early match. It is only early June and she is not due until December. Are you financially and emotionally prepared for this long of a match, especially if it falls through? Other than bi-polar is there a reason that she is matching so early.

[KLL08]

As far as bipolar-my father has been diagnosed but doesn't take care of himself regularly. If he is medicated he is fine, if he doesn't take care of himself, we'd rather not be around. My sister and I do not have bipolar, so it wasn't passed to us. My sister keeps an eye on her children and if it should come up she will take them to a doctor right away. My husband and I have been unable to conceive, but should we some day I'd do the same.

Our DD was premature,but healthy in every way! I'd personally go forward with this situation. Except I wouldn't be able to match this early. We wouldn't match until the emom was in her 3rd trimester.

[sambob]

My concern in this particular situation wouldn't be about the bipolar or toxemia, it would be about matching so early. I would definitely leave my options open. Our agency would wait until birthmom were in their 3rd trimester before actively working with them. They would, of course, offer resources and stuff before then, but in terms of really getting down to business, they wanted to wait until the pregnancy was farther along and the birthmom was more sure of what she wanted. Things can and will change a million times between now and then.

[Nevada Jen]

The risk for re-occurance of toxemia or preeclapsia is about 10%. It is most common in first pregnancies. I agree with the others that this is a very early match. Plenty of those work out but it seems like a lot of those are scams. Make sure youhave enough information to evaluate the match on all fronts before you accept.

[AS-NJ]

I agree it is a really early match. She is planning to place b/c she & her husband have already had a child removed from their care, they are not financially able to take care of a new baby, they are possibly breaking up and they are both very young - 21 years old. Her expenses are not that much & she is getting on medicare. We are going to proceed cautiously. We are not going to meet her until she is out of the 1st trimester. We know anything can happen and probably will but we didnt want to turn down the match just becuase of the timing.
Thanks everyone for your advice & opinions! It is very helpful.

[mommieof2cuties]

My friend matched early with her DS, with a young birthmom and everything worked out super great. The formed a nice bond and she got to go to ALL doctors appointments etc. She also got to help decide on extra tests to be done. But in this case it sounds to me like this pbmom is smart in not wanting the state to take her newborn. I would do all you can to keep the newborn out of state care etc. TPR can be done on the pbdad before birth etc. As for Bipolor, r adopted DS mom has it, and it has caused many issues for us and the open adoption we wanted to have. But she is off meds. I find if they are on meds and in therapy life is good. I wish you luck

[mandirenee]

I would go for it, but you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

Best of luck!