[Saya]

So, we are literally a week or so away from being officially waiting for #2. We've ordered our albums from Shutterfly and our profiles are done. All we need to do is send everything (and a check of course) to the agency. And then I was on a parenting site where lots of people were bemoaning how hard it was to go from one to two kids, which I think I've asked about here before, because it is really a fear of mine, and it got me all worried again.

My beloved DD can be a tough cookie - wonderful in everyway, but exceptionally strong willed and emotional. She can also be quite the clingy Mama's girl sometimes. That said, she's improved amazingly in the past few months - and her sleep is currently GREAT. I feel like we've hit a good pattern and a comfortable place in our lives

And I'm going to have a new baby? NOW? (By which I mean some time in the next couple of years - you guys understand.) Oh, and did I mention, I just turned 40. I'm no spring chicken. And we're going to send our lives into complete upheaval. I mean WTF?

I have ALWAYS wanted to have 2 kids. I've never seriously considered any other option. And I am 99.2% sure that I want this.

But for those of you with two, I have to ask . . . do you ever regret taking the plunge and having another? Is that a terrible question to even ask? (Sneaks away in shame.)

[megaphonemo]

Is it crazy? Yep....
Am I always exhausted? Yep...
Is 2 kids twice the work? Nope - it is 4 times the work....

Do I ever regret it?? Never.
Was it the best thing I have ever done? Yep...

You are ready.........

Mega

[oceanica]

Saya, I am 40 too (until mid July, lol) and our son Keonte was born 6 months after Athena. Wow it is more than double the effort... the challenge and difficulty level goes up exponentially. Sometimes when Kee was getting up every hour (basically the night was completely sleepless for me) and I couldn't calm the fussing very well it seemed overwhelming, and the zombie days at work were hard, but overall it is sooo worth it!!
I have never regretted ANYTHING although I have been frustrated a few times.
Jalepeno had some words of encouragement for me with THREE little tykes.
But I think you will be able to handle it and be extremely happy about it.
(We even considered adopting a 3rd a couple weeks ago, but then reality set in).

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

OK, I have to disagree with the previous posters - it got SO MUCH easier when I brought home DD #2. Now granted DD #1 was 6 and DD #2 was 3.5, so no babies. But - all of a sudden, I did not have anyone clinging to me! She had someone else to play with in the bath, play with outside, play with inside! It is sure heaven!

Now, the running 2 to two different places is a challenge - harder since I am single. And the first 6 months I wanted to shoot myself, but once we all got in the groove, I would say the work for me went down 25% just because DD#1 stopped needing me 24/7.

[EZ2Luv]

I have 3 boys that came one right after the other and I was well over 40. Never regretted it for a single minute. The way I see it id if you can parent one, then 2 is a breeze. No really, they seem to just follow suit.

I know it seems like your DD#1 is clingy and all but you will be suprized at how quick thjat will change(a little disappointed too) beofre you know it , it's like them(the kids) against you.

You have plenty of love to go around. I am sure you will do fine. Oh and just keep this in mind, all the little things that you paniced about with #1 will be a peice of cake with #2.

Ez

[Whirled_Peas]

We have a (bio) son 3.5 and an (adopted) daughter 10 months today. The first couple months were really easy. Then our son did a personality change and became VERY challenging. There were days I would wake up and question how I would get through the day. I thought about how I used to like my son and had moments of considering him the enemy.

It's gotten better, but he can be really rough with the baby. In between being so loving and protective and playful. He says he likes it better now (with her) than before she came.

The last few days she has gotten good at cruising and walking some. Today she is working on crawling. It is so much easier now that she can self-entertain. I have actually been able to clean the living room, bathroom, and study/playroom over the last 3 days. That is a miracle.

While we were in the adoptive process, my husband would talk about how old we'll be when the baby turns 18. (He's 47. I'll be 47 next month. 40 is a spring chicken.) I understood what he was talking about, but I didn't UNDERSTAND it until we got the baby. I would think, "What have I done. We'll be in our 60s." All kinds of thoughts like that. As our son's behavior has settled down and as the baby is getting older, I don't have those thoughts any more.

So I've told you the downsides. Here's the upsides. When she wakes up in the morning, she smiles at me. I am nursing her and it is just as amazing as when I nursed my son. (Actually, he's still nursing as well, though there is a difference between nursing a baby and nursing a 3 year old.) Our baby is an amazing gentle soul. Had we allowed our age to stop the adoption process, we would have never met her.

For some people, that's not enough reason to adopt "later" in life. For me it is the whole reason and I am looking forward to raising our children over the next two decades.

[sambob]

Having two is great. I always knew I wanted more than one, but that said, we sortof mourned the loss of having just one. I remember the day we picked up #2 from the hospital, we woke up with our 4yo in bed with us and I just remember thinking the dynamic will be totally different after this. We don't regret it at all, having two great kids is a wonderful blessing, but I sortof went through a mourning period. Kindof hard to explain.

For the record, things seemed easier with #2, even though she was a premie. I was more laid back, I wasn't as nervous about stuff. I had already been through it once.

[dawnrenee58]

Ya know what? 2 is hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. My son came to us at 11 months, so I never did the infant thing. Then when we had son #2, I was lost. I was overwhelmed and exhausted.


But, I lived. And thank goodness I did, because i now have 2 beautiful guys and they are so happy to have each other! Now I look back and think of how bored I would be with just one child. I love having 2 kids, even through all the stress of and infant and a toddler. They would have been different kids without each other, and I am so happy that we were able to do it the way we did. Call me crazy, but I want another!!!

[buttascotchbaby]

My situation was different but may be helpful: I went from one (bio) only, spoiled mamas boy to 2 and then 4 very rapidly. This was through foster and my son was 8 when I started. Our first placement was a 2.5 y.o. little girl who my son LOVED. Then we had siblings placed with us: a boy who was 7 months older than my son (sharing a room and EVERYTHING with him, now THAT was tough!) and a 4 y.o. little girl. There were a lot of ups and downs but 3 years later the siblings became our forever family and our first, dear, sweet girl had moved back with her bio family. I won't lie, there have been some tough times. My bio son feels a little neglected sometimes but overall it works. There are still moments where I will think wistfully of the times before when my dad, my son and I did a lot of things together... and I MISS that, just for a few seconds mind you because I would trade what I have now for anything I think your DD is at a good age to add to your family too, so good luck!

[jalapeno]

I think it's hard to tell quite how a child will react with a new sibling. I've seen kids who are great with babies really have trouble with a new sibling. And I've seen kids who are bullies with other kids their age turn into total softies when it comes to THEIR baby brother or sister. It takes a leap of faith to be a parent. And another leap to be a parent again. I never really experienced the jealousy factor - my daughter was too young for that emotion when her brothers came home! LOL.

For myself, going from zero kids to one was the hardest and biggest adjustment. And since my three kids are less than a year and a half apart TOTAL, I think that's saying something. I think most parents really are much more relaxed the second time around. There is more to do but you know what you're doing. And you know there's an end to it. With my first, it seemed like the sleepless nights would never end. With my second, I was able to take it much more in stride.

I cannot imagine regretting having three kids. I shudder at the thought that my older son in particular might easily have ended up with another family. He belongs here. All my kids belong here. Is life harder with three than it would be with one? Well, naturally. But it's also indescribably spectacular at times (I truly find myself standing back and staring in awe at times - with a simple act of sharing, or a hug, or excitement over seeing each other after a few hours apart). Do my kids always get along? Of course not. But they are connected. They are bonded to each other. There is no doubt. And it's like no other connection I've seen. They will have each other for the rest of their lives. Maybe there will be times they'll go years without seeing each other. But they'll still be there. They'll still have their common history. They'll still be witnesses to each others lives. I can't do that for them. I have a totally different perspective and I won't be here forever. But they'll have each other after I'm gone.

[OnTheJourney]

Originally Posted by jalapeno

Do my kids always get along? Of course not. But they are connected. They are bonded to each other. There is no doubt. And it's like no other connection I've seen. They will have each other for the rest of their lives. Maybe there will be times they'll go years without seeing each other. But they'll still be there. They'll still have their common history. They'll still be witnesses to each others lives. I can't do that for them. I have a totally different perspective and I won't be here forever. But they'll have each other after I'm gone.

This is it, this is everything, and you said it so well I am a tad teary right now. When I don't get it or I leave this world, they will always have eachother.

#2 was soo much easier and soo much harder at the same time. My kiddos are 22 months apart and when my DD came home, my son had just started crib diving, so we had a huge difficult transition with him. There were times where I didn't get out of my PJ's all day b/c there was no time to change, I went 5 days without a shower (ewww I know, but it happens), and sometimes my house looked like a war zone! BUT, I spent my time lovin' on my babies and just watching them and I would not trade a single tired moment for all the millions in the world! It was easier in the sense that I was much more laid back and was able to roll with the punches a lot better.

My son bonded almost instantly to his little sister in a way that I could never have imagined. My wild and crazy boy would sit so still and hold her and just stare at her with such deep love and concern. He would not let a single person touch her except for Mommy for a long time. I was scared of him crushing her by jumping in her crib but he was always wanting in, so I watched in secret one morning as he causiously lowered himself into her crib beside her and layed down. He kissed her forhead, gave her her soothy and just cuddled her so gently. I cannot imagine never having the absoulute priveldge to witness that!

He asked me today for a brother...hmmmm....

So, is it hard? Somedays it is soo hard, but the years that they need you in that way are so brief...
Do I ever regret it? I can honestly say, not for a single moment. I do not remember life without kids, and I do not remember life with just one. They fill me up everyday and seeing them together fills me with soo much love.

[angelkisses0102]

For us, two was MUCH harder than one...more than twice the work...at least in our case. My kids are 23.5 months apart in age but their adoptions were only 20 months apart...add in that DS was a 'surprise special needs' child and we struggled. This summer I will turn 44...DS will be 6 and DD will be 8...our birthdays are all within three weeks of each other.

DD was a very easy to parent child...we could do everything we did before, we just had a little one with us. Yes DD was a very busy little girl (now ADHD) but she was easy...she ate, she slept, she was developmentally advanced, and just a very pleasant yet independent child. We never had terrible two or three's...although she was a tough four and five year old. DS has always required so much 'more' from us.

Did I ever regret it? Yes, I did...I won't lie...there were days that I did. Mainly it was because of the guilt I felt regarding DD and my inability to parent her the way she deserved. DS sucked the life out of us at first...and still does some days.

But in the end, I think that having two (or more) is wonderful...and I do think both of my kids have benefited from having each other. The love they have for each other is amazing...they have taught each other, and us, so much. I wouldn't change a thing....well other than maybe adding number three...someday!

All the best...

PS~
The thing that has always amazed me was how much more laundry we had by just adding on little infant...it's like the laundry multiplies itself. And now that they are older...oh my...I run the dishwasher almost every day!!! LOL!!!

[Saya]

Can I mention how much I love you guys?

Thank you all for the reassurance. I think a lot of my fear is because DD came home at 8 months, so we've really never done the newborn thing. So in some ways I'm an experienced parent but for those first few months I'll be a babe in the woods WITH a demanding 3 or 4 year old in tow. I really have no idea how we're going to make that work. But I realize those incredibly hard first few months will be an investment towards an amazing family in the future. And yes, the great thing will be when they are, say, 2 and 5 and will entertain each other (fingers crossed). I'm just warning you all now to prepare for my teary and frustrated posts those first couple of months.

I have to say, DD asks me every day for a baby sister or a baby brother. And she LOVES babies, and plays mommy to her dolls and animals all the time. I'm not sure how that will translate when she actually has to share mommy and daddy though . . .

[ocracoke]

I am single with 1 daughter right now and after reading all of this I so want another one. Not a baby though. Can I have a 5 year old? My daughter needs a play mate. I can not do that all the time.

Samantha

[reetoreet]

I have 2 babes who are 4 months apart (15 mo and 19 mo), one of which has special needs. Is 2 harder than 1? of course....but it's worth it! Just think of 2 smiles, 2 hugs, 2 laughs, 2 sloppy kisses....instead of 2 diapers, 2 tantrums, 2 times the destruction...haha. I actually forgot what it was like to only have 1 kid!! Best of luck to you!!