[DancinBear63]

Welcome justinsmama and leenie!

As I reflect on the past 9 months, I can see some moments where things would have been very difficult if we had matched earlier. I've always believed that things happen in the time that they're supposed to, but I sometimes lose perspective on that. What do you guys think?

Adding to the list:

#7- More time for the folks at work to plan a BIG welcome baby shower for us

oops, I meant

#8- More time for the folks at work to plan for my extended leave

[leenie71]

Originally Posted by DancinBear63

As I reflect on the past 9 months, I can see some moments where things would have been very difficult if we had matched earlier. I've always believed that things happen in the time that they're supposed to, but I sometimes lose perspective on that. What do you guys think?

Hi DancinBear,
Thanks for the welcome....yes, now that you mention it, there must be some reason that things happen the way they do and in the time it's supposed to...or maybe not But it is a good attitude to have during the long wait. It's easy to lose perspective when everyone else *seems* to be getting matched quickly.

We had an amazing vacation in the Caribbean last month and that wouldn't have happened had we been matched sooner! I liked to think of it as the last hurrah before babydom occurs lol.

Has anyone started on their nursery yet? I have! OK, so it's just in my mind, but it's really beautiful...believe me.

[DancinBear63]

As we were initially preparing for adoption in 2007, we were constantly told how 'fast' our placement would be. Since we didn't want to be caught unprepared, we started to build our nursery. I admit that it began innocently enough- onesies, socks, diapers, and books. As time rolled on, we bought more stuff- bottles, receiving blankets, crib, carseat, stroller, etc. We also have a lot of friends who are done having kids, and have been excited to give us tons of clothing.

The prior owners had a little girl, and her room was painted beautifully- pink walls with tall flowers, butterflies, and a variety of forest animals (down to the ants). I think I bought the house for that room. Anyhow, we are open to matching with either gender, but for now, it's all in pink.

I realize that a lot of folks like to wait until the baby is home to put the nursery together. I find a lot of hope in sitting in the room that we've created, knowing that one day someone will be living in it. Also, it has been much more affordable to purchase one big item each month, instead of having to get so many potentially costly items at once.

Edited to add: DH wants the world to know that the room isn't as bright pink as the picture looks!

[leenie71]

DancinBear, the nursery is beautiful! And very pink lol, but I'm sure it's not as pink like your dh said. The flowers are so nice.

I'm of the same mindset....I think it would be great to be prepared before baby actually arrives and to have the room ready. I don't want a baby shower. But as of now, I really don't have much. I have one Rubbermaid tote full of onesies, a diaper bag, a sling, and some other small things. The biggest item I have is a pack 'n play I bought on sale.

That being said, I know for many waiting families it is tough to have a room that is ready, but empty. But I think it would do the opposite and give me hope. Unfortunately, our "nursery" is currently a train wreck. We moved into this house 6 months ago and it's the catch-all room for now. I really should get my act together and unpack some of the boxes still there from the move.

It would be fun to see any other nursery pics if anyone else has theirs ready...thanks for sharing yours, Dancin! I need some motivation!

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by DancinBear63

As we were initially preparing for adoption in 2007, we were constantly told how 'fast' our placement would be. Since we didn't want to be caught unprepared, we started to build our nursery. I admit that it began innocently enough- onesies, socks, diapers, and books. As time rolled on, we bought more stuff- bottles, receiving blankets, crib, carseat, stroller, etc. We also have a lot of friends who are done having kids, and have been excited to give us tons of clothing.

The prior owners had a little girl, and her room was painted beautifully- pink walls with tall flowers, butterflies, and a variety of forest animals (down to the ants). I think I bought the house for that room. Anyhow, we are open to matching with either gender, but for now, it's all in pink.

I realize that a lot of folks like to wait until the baby is home to put the nursery together. I find a lot of hope in sitting in the room that we've created, knowing that one day someone will be living in it. Also, it has been much more affordable to purchase one big item each month, instead of having to get so many potentially costly items at once.

Edited to add: DH wants the world to know that the room isn't as bright pink as the picture looks!

Wow~gorgeous nursery!

[Asha0314]

Your nursery is beautiful!

[maddie036]

DancingBear - The nursery is so pretty!! I love the flowers

[kittymom]

Whether we qualify for this club depends if we count our wait from when we signed on with our facilitator or when we finished our profiles and had them shown. It's only been 7 months since our profiles have been finished, so I usually count our wait as that long ... mostly because it's less depressing to make it sound a little shorter.

I wanted to add to the list of positives for a long wait:

In my case, more time to lose weight. I've lost 25 pounds this year, and I still have at least 10 pounds to go, though I'd like to keep going and lose 30 more pounds eventually. I know I can still lose weight after we get our child, but it will be tougher to fit in my work-outs!

Also, we just got back from a wonderful trip to Ireland. We never would've been able to do that if we already had a match. Still, I'd trade that vacation for for a baby any day!

[sugarandspice697]

Although I'm already a parent, I waited two years and 4 months to be matched with DD. I hope you guys don't wait as long as I did though! Just out of curiousity, what do you guys think is making your wait so long? For me, I wasn't very flexible with birth parent contact and race.

[kittymom]

sugarandspice, I think our wait would be shorter if we were more religious. Roughly 28 percent of the emoms at our facilitator specifically request a Christian or devout Christian family. My DH is Christian, but I'm Agnostic. Our info says that DH would take the lead in religious teachings, but if an emom is really serious about having her child raised in a Christian home, we'd probably not be the best choice. So that rules us out of about 28 percent of the possible situations.

[MilliesMommy]

kittymom: We're in the same boat you're in. I was raised in a Baptist church and consider myself slightly religious (if that's even allowed). My husband is Agnostic but supports almost anything I'd want to do that would be involved with church. We said in our letter that we'd introduce religion in our family and let the kids be exposed to it. But we're not strict with any religion. We weren't chosen by a birthmother once, and she chose a family that was very involved in their church.

DancinBear: I love your nursery! Ours is very basic - it's painted green with dark wood furniture. But my 3 year old's room is crazy! I sort of went overboard with the girlie decorations.

I wonder if we're waiting longer this time because we already have a child in our home. Do you think birthmom prefer to place where their child will be the first, or only, child in a home?

[DancinBear63]

Our sw says that our wait is longer because we're specifically looking for an AA/CC baby with no drug exposure in utero. Apparently they see a lot of substance abuse in the emom population that they work with. Also, they don't do a lot of adoptions annually, and they report that their numbers are down this year.

(btw-thanks for the positive feedback on the nursery. I'll sure miss it if we match with a little boy.)

[JenC]

Honestly, I don't know what's taking us so long. We're early 30's, Christian, and I stay home with Josh already. Right when we signed to our agency last year, they hit a slow down for whatever reason. They upped their wait times to approx 18 mo, where previously it was much shorter, especially for AA. With the referral agency we've signed on with (we've been with them for 2 mo), we've been shown a lot...just not picked. I've become so jaded with it all that I don't even tell my IRL friends that we're being shown. Actually, we're currently being shown for 2 situations, but it's not like I'm expecting to be chosen.

[emtb79]

Morning everyone, well its morning here anyways. On questions on doing the nursery I have but its not finished. I have to put up the border and paint below the border. As you can see its a nice neutral however if I get placed with a girl I may just have to change it to some girly bedding. Im not too much of a pink person wo maybe some purple. Also over the mirror I plan to get wodden letters for the name and paint them.

[sugarandspice697]

JenC: Its funny your saying this because we're researching domestic adoption for your next child. We heard from many agencies that that wait for AA babies used to be less than 6 months but now the wait times have grown to 1 year. One agency we spoke to were not accepting applications from families who were only interested in healthy infants - regardless of the child or parent's race. Another agency said that the same sex couples who were open to race were waiting 1-2 years for a match!!

We thought that there was such a great need for AA babies too but I guess with all of the drama in international adoption, that just isn't the case anymore. The only available adoption situations we saw were ones that had drug/alcohol exposure, very open adoptions (with yearly visits) and extremely expensive situations (25K and up!).