[crick]

I'm noticing a lot of threads lately where if everyone doesn't agree with someone, it gets turned into a whine of "I'm not feeling supported". It's everywhere, so don't feel like any one person is being singled out. I see it on SEVERAL forums.

I would honestly like to know if people think agreement is necessary to be supportive? If another perspective is shown, does that mean it's not supportive? What does support mean to you? How can people post to help us all?

Personally, I like honesty better than someone blowing smoke up my butt telling me it's all going to be just fine. I'm just that way. There are WAYS to be honest without being mean or rude, imo, so even if I don't necessarily WANT to hear something, if it's going to help me, I'll appreciate it. (maybe not in that moment, but afterwards...kwim?)

Thoughts?

[Stormster]

Sure as long as it isn't dismissive and takes the subject as seriously as the OP does....it's FINE to disagree! But not every OP is about agreeing or disagreeing kwim? Sometimes it's just about sharing or venting. I don't think it's cool to be dismissive about something someone else cared enough to write about if that makes sense.

[aallen25]

I have no thoughts, but "forced to support" the red wings?!?!

GO PENGUINS!!!

Sorry, back to the serious stuff.

[Daisy1339]

Well, sure, aggreement "feels" great and supportive.
But it isn't necessary.

On the other hand, it's human nature to want everyone to agree wholeheartedly and then feel defensive or not supported when someone doesn't agree with you.

I'm not saying everyone reacts this way, but I've certainly been guilty of whining. And it does feel like judgement, to me anyways, especially if it's something I feel I'm right about. I think that's normal reaction.

I guess it's "poster beware", right? I mean, we're all guilty of giving opinions where they weren't solicited!

[lovemy2boys]

To me, being supportive means taking the time to read what has been posted, trying to understand where the poster comes from, and in turn, giving perspective. Whether or not the poster agrees isn't important.

If someone doesn't agree with me, that's fine...In fact, those are the posts that often get me thinking outside of my own comfort zone or experiences.

And who knows? Their POV may be something I hadn't considered...I just may learn something.

Thanks Crick.

And GO WINGS! (although I absolutely respect your right to support the Penguins, aallen!! )

[loveajax]

I agree with you, Love (and I think you are one of the most supportive people I know! Crick....not so much!).

To be honest, I do "like" when people agree with me. But I have probably had more "fun" when people don't.

I do also believe in context. I think in some threads, people are just clearly looking for support, so I try to give it if I can. I don't think every thread needs to be a "debate" or an "education" tool. This is sort of waaaay OT, but I was just reading Rtsmom's post on another thread and realized, my gosh, people deal with really, really tough situations every day with grace and good humor and love. Very inspirational! Makes me want to stop whining!

[finallyamom0310]

For me, although I prefer agreement, disagreement and showing of where another persons thoughs are can usually help. I like to know the "devils advocate" side of things too.

[feelingreyt]

I think people can disagree with someone yet lend support. Heck, we do it all the time!

I don't agree with my sister that she should rent my aunt's house, but I support her AND I will help her move.

It boils down to if the person feels they are being attacked for feeling a certain way. You don't have to agree with me, but please don't tell me that my feelings don't count or I'm being stupid for feeling the way I do. Offer suggestions, advice, or nothing, but please don't act like just because YOU don't feel a certain way, I shouldn't either.

Thats my 2 cents worth.....

[Prettyboicris]

I responded to this on this site in another part. I will reinterate what I said there. Basically Agreeing or disagreeing with the OP is not the issue at least for me. I take more issue with the judgements, generalizations and personal attacks that can sometimes find their way into a post. My thing is " It is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it." I have witnessed people say things in a respectful ways and in not so respectful ways."

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by feelingreyt

I think people can disagree with someone yet lend support. Heck, we do it all the time!

I don't agree with my sister that she should rent my aunt's house, but I support her AND I will help her move.

It boils down to if the person feels they are being attacked for feeling a certain way. You don't have to agree with me, but please don't tell me that my feelings don't count or I'm being stupid for feeling the way I do. Offer suggestions, advice, or nothing, but please don't act like just because YOU don't feel a certain way, I shouldn't either.

Thats my 2 cents worth.....

I really appreciate this being stated.

[thanksgivingmom]

Not meaning to stir the pot and be argumentative, but this raised a question for me.....what if you really CAN'T support what the poster is asking/talking about? Not saying that you are going to use personal attacks, discount others opinions, etc., but are we as a community required to support someone because they ask for it?

For example, if I want to call myself Cupake's "real Mom" (I DON'T! just an example) and her Mom her "adopter" (again, I DON'T!) it's okay for me to expect people to enter the discussion, explain why they disagree but then say, "However, that's for me, and I completely support you!"???

I don't think it's that simple......I don't know....I just know there are things that I can't always support. I'll ALWAYS try to give my thoughts in a polite way, not using personal attacks, etc.....but sometimes not saying anything makes me feel like I'm condoning it and being a passive supporter, you know?

[ourdreamcametru]

I have posted several threads where there have been many opinions and that is what I expect on a forum with many different people. I personally like that because it makes me think through what I am feeling, try on other opinions to make sure I feel secure in my thoughts. I too am much more for truth, even if it's not what I want to hear, than I am just having people agree because they think that's what I want to hear.

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom

Not meaning to stir the pot and be argumentative, but this raised a question for me.....what if you really CAN'T support what the poster is asking/talking about? Not saying that you are going to use personal attacks, discount others opinions, etc., but are we as a community required to support someone because they ask for it?

For example, if I want to call myself Cupake's "real Mom" (I DON'T! just an example) and her Mom her "adopter" (again, I DON'T!) it's okay for me to expect people to enter the discussion, explain why they disagree but then say, "However, that's for me, and I completely support you!"???

I don't think it's that simple......I don't know....I just know there are things that I can't always support. I'll ALWAYS try to give my thoughts in a polite way, not using personal attacks, etc.....but sometimes not saying anything makes me feel like I'm condoning it and being a passive supporter, you know?

If you can't be supportive, then you can't (Profound, yes? ) but you still have a place in the discussion...Your opinion is still of merit, you know?

Let's say you want to be called "Real Mom" and I came on the thread and gave my POV, which opposes yours...You can say "You're not supporting my wish to be called REAL MOM"...And you're correct.

But even if I don't support your position, I've still listened to your words and tried to see things from your perspective, you know? And just because I see things differently doesn't mean that I've rolled my eyes and said "Her opinion doesn't mean anything."

I think what it boils down to is that we all want to be heard...

I'm tired so I may not be making any sense - lol...

[thanksgivingmom]

Lovemy - I totally agree! I was just posing the question because I know I have felt in the past that my inability to support meant their wasn't a place for me in the discussion (or for those that couldn't support in general).

So yes, I think that not only should we be open to hearing the thoughts of those that disagree, but also considering the thoughts of those that can't support - and I think it's through listening to and understanding the why that we all have the opportunity for real growth!

[txwannabemom]

in situations such as these could would it not be just as supportive to say:


(EXAMPLE)

You seem to feel very strongly about calling your self her real mom.

I am not sure how similar our situations are, however, I personally wouldn't agree that that is helpful for baby girl. Because she may feel confused. My feelings are based on the information I have from reading XXX by Expert Z and by being an adoptive parent. Can you clarify your expecations? Maybe theres a piece I am missing.

(End Example)

Too often people become emotional in the response before trying to be compassionate to the posters feelings and situations. And sometimes people who have no legitmate comprehension feel compelled to insert thier opinon. This too should be avoided at all costs.