[AdoptInMe]

We have a 22-month-old dd and a 6-month-old ds who share the same birthmother. We have required updates that we do through our agency. We did have contact info on their birthmother, we have a pretty good relationship, but it's not really an open adoption. She has our cell phone number, but not our address.

We got a call last week that she was no longer at her old address and her cell phone number no longer worked. We were very worried, but the agency found out that she is in a 16-month rehab program, and doing well. We were so relieved to hear that, and they called earlier this week, saying that she sent us a letter and she would be forwarding it to us. That was great.

Then today we got a voicemail message that said that they got another letter from her that they would be forwarding to us, but that she wanted to talk with us about it before she sent it. She then said that she would be out of the office until Tuesday, and that we could speak with one other person who knows about the letter. We tried calling when we got the message, but the office was already closed.

We are on pins and needles, wondering and worrying about what is in that letter. Why would they need to talk with us first? Now we have to wait until, at least, Monday to find out. What could it be? They have never mentioned that they need to talk with us before we get a letter from her.

[snaps]

That does seem weird. My guess is that she wants money, that she wants visitation or that she wants to discontinue contact or soemthing along those lines. Does your agency routinely read your mail?!!! That would concern me. Do they read letters you send to her too? I would really think that it is none of their business.

We have two children adopted fromt the same birthfamily as well. We do have an open adoption, but it mostly consists of letters and pictures from us. Bmom and bdad are variable about their end of the deal. Contact with them is sporadic (their choice not ours). My kids also have a full sibling being parented by bmom and bdad.

Occasionally our bmom will hint that she needs money or that they are really bad off (for a variety of reasons). Unfortunately, I feel that she makes up lies occasionally. Recently she told us that her car got broken into and that tons of stuff got stolen including clothes she bought for her son while we were there for the birth of child #2 a few months ago (bdad is currently in jail). We have contact with some other extended family members on her side. I mentioned that to her aunt who knew nothing of it an then her sister posted a picture of her son wearing the exact clothes that was taken just the other day. I guess it is possible someone purchased them for him again, but if it is a request for money you have to be very careful about that.

Good luck and try not to worry. It is what it is and you can't change it for now anyways. Enjoy your weekend. Oh, and be sure to update us all on this later

[ourdreamcametru]

First off the fact that they are reading your mail concerns me-greatly. As for the letter, is it possible that she is pregnant again? Try not to worry yourselves too much until you find out.

[Steph-Jason]

I agree... try not to worry yourselves. Just because the agency wants to speak wiht you doesn't mean it's bad news at all. I'm also a bit concerened thought that they read the letter...

[snaps]

Oooh, I never thought about the pregnant again thing......my biggest concern was that they read your mail too

[AdoptInMe]

Yeah, I guess they do read our mail. We just send required updates, so we were sending them with the assumption that the agency was reading them.

She could be pregnant again, it did cross our minds. But I really can't think of anything harmless that would be in that letter. She may ask to see the kids or tell us that our ds's birthfather is out to get us/him. Or she could tell us that she wants money, which she's never really done. But she does live far away, so the contact couldn't really be more. We also thought that maybe she's really mad at us and went off on a tyrade. Oh, there is so much it could be, but I still can't think of anything harmless .

I guess we just have to wait until Monday.

[jp4ga]

Rehab--- She may have written the letter as part of a 10 step program, and may have been very emotional. She may have said things out of anger that may upset you. I would not worry about it. She may be doing 1 of 100 things. You have to put it out of your mind or you will drive yourself and your family nuts. Have a great weekend and talk with the agency when you can.

[AdoptInMe]

Well, I finally got to talk with our agency, and they said that it is their policy to call us before sending a letter that may be upsetting, etc. Apprently our birthmother wrote a nice letter that confesses to drug and alcohol use during her pregnancy(ies). They did not go into detail, but wanted us to know that we should open the letter when we have time to read it. To us, this is no surprise, but we are glad that she is going to let us know exactly what she did. We knew she abused Xanax the whole time with our ds, but assumed more with both. For us, this is no shocker but we are glad to receive the information.

[Stormster]

That must have been a very hard letter for her to write!