[Stormster]

So we call E "The Mayor" because he is super confident and friendly. It is a natural trait he clearly gets from his very gregarious bio father. DH an I are slightly more introverted but really nurture this quality as well. He's still a baby so EVERYONE even other little kids really respond to him.

When there are sibs at the playground or at events he will walk right up to them and kind of blend right in and he has never been "rejected" by anyone yet.

But I worry, when he's not this adorable walking "baby" will people still welcome such friendly behavior? I realize there is a chance he will be more cautious and his personality might change a bit but if it doesn't it breaks my heart to think he will be alone at the playground/pool/event etc...

Will he hate us for raising him as an only child? It's not even like we are young parents either!

I don't know, I guess it will be very different when he starts school and the pressure won't all be on us to keep him occupied. I am feeling so guilty (though not the same personal sense of loss I once did) about not giving him sibs.

Then again I do guilty really well. It is also hard that in the burbs and on this site onlies aren't as common as they may be in the city etc....

Any words of wisdom?

[SupaModel]

No advice because I struggle with this as well. As far as him hating you for being an only I doubt that very seriously. That's all he's gonna know. KWIM? The onlies I know all are pretty happy people.

Sounds like his personality is great. DH and I are both REALLY out going and you can drop us in the middle of anywhere and we'll do fine. That's the one thing I pray DS picks up for us.

Dont be too hard on yourself!

[greenrobin]

Unless you really, really have something to feel guilty about, then what does it teach you?

You have a wonderful, social, friendly, likeable little boy who will probably grow up into a wonderful, social, friendly, likeable man. Rejoice! Not everyone is so gifted on the social end of the spectrum.

Think back to school and recall the boys and girls we knew who just had "it" whatever "it" was. They were immediately liked, had a ton of friends, and just enjoyed being around people. Or you could have been me, the socially backward, incredibly shy person with no idea of how to become a member of the group. Your child is probably the former. But even if he turns in to the latter, he'll still be your precious child.

There is no harm in having an only child. You're giving him opportunity to have other-child social experiences. There's also no harm in being an older parent. I'm one. We're adopting Bubba who is getting close to 6 and Sissy who will be 4 in 3 months. I'm 48 and dh is 50. Age is just a number. Also creaky joints, but that is neither here nor there! If you doubt it, tap yourself on the chest 3 times and then tell your age. I'm 17 inside and have always been.

And wrinkles don't look all that bad on a 17 year old!

[jaenelle]

I was an only child and always wanted siblings. That being said, was it something I focused on or obsessed over? No.

My DH was one of 4 and he and his siblings are not close, yet he still would like a big family, so obviously he believes it is possible.

We feel very strongly about Yuna not being an only child, and in fact that was one of the "conditions" if you will of us adopting her. Her birthmother had 8 other children at that time and felt very strongly that the people she placed her baby with should want to adopt again. We would love a big family -- 4 kids would be ideal to me -- but we'll probably be lucky to wind up with two.

I think he will be fine however he is -- there are certainly plenty of onlies who do just fine. We've just gotta have "mommy guilt" about something, don't we?

[Amber76]

I think as long as he is an outgoing kid that he won't have problems finding kids to play with at the pool/playground/etc. Kids just naturally find each other somehow, it seems. I take my almost 4 year old to the park, and within minutes there are a whole bunch of kids she is playing with. She has been like that since she first started walking, and I don't see it changing.

As far as the only child thing, I think that he'll make up for that by making close friends that he can invite along on family outings as he gets older. My best friend from school is an only, and her family always took me or another of her friends along on trips to the zoo, Children's Museum, etc so that she could have someone to play with. Maybe you'll be able to do the same for E!

[MamaS]

I grew up an only child on a dairy farm (no suburbs with other kids around). Of course, I always wanted a sister. I always wanted a pony too. Never got either one and grew up all right. I tended to make one or two close friends in school and we did the sleepover thing.
Spiderman is also growing up an only child. He also expresses a desire for a brother (his age to play with).
We now live on a cul-de-sac in a half-completed residential community with no other children yet.
During the school year he has classmates to socialize with, soccer practice and church. Over the summer he has soccer, swimming, Bible School and church. He makes friends at each activity But he also learns how to entertain himself (without TV) -- he "writes" books and draws the illustrations to match. He set up a Thomas the Tank Engine track that ran about a mile through his room. He has a soccer goal and a climbing apparatus and a very active puppy. (Who leeps trying to eat the train track.)
My point is, I do not think he is "deprived" by not having a brother. He has cousins and extended family whom we see regularly on holidays and vacations. Because he is "only" I make a special effort to take him to organized activities and because he is "only" I have the money to do it.
When he is older, he will probably have a "best friend" and the Friday night sleepovers will start up again!

[KarenInCa]

We struggled with the concept of raising our daughter as a single or having siblings for her. It was a personal choice to adopt a sibling, which we've been in the process of doing for the past 2 and a half years now. By the time we adopt again, she will most likely be 6yrs old.
There was a lot we could give her as a single child, so the benefits are there. However, I feel your pain as you think he might be lonely. Our daughter is in full time preschool and will start Kindergarten in the Fall. So, she gets a lot of socialization. And we do a lot of parent/child things with her. But still, she wants me to "play" with her often. When she's doing imaginary play with barbies or with her stuffed animals, she wants someone to bounce her imaginary play off of. It's sad when I see her wanting me to be her playmate, and I just don't want to.
She also created imaginary friends several months back. They're twin girls around 5 or 6 yrs old, and she pretends to call them on the phone to invite them over for sleepovers. I'm fairly certain that's part of being an only child for now.
As I said earlier, there are many benefits to having a single child. Mainly, that you can afford to do things with the child that you might not if they have siblings. But you can also expect him to want you to play with him to take up time as a sibling for him. And as in our case, have an imaginary friend or two, to bring him closer to having siblings (between 3 and 6 yrs of age). I think it's human nature to expect to have others around us that are similar.

[startedover]

My AD is 2 years old and exactly the way you spoke of your son. She is essentially being raised as an only child because my BS is 14 and BD is 20 (tomorrow). That being said, I think I understand what you are talking about because our church calls our AD "their baby" see loves everyone and I worry that as she grows they will not be as sweet to her as they all are now. ANd the other day we were at a hugh goign out of business sale at a baby boutique and she was playing with all the kids and I have noticed she will play with 5, 6, 7 year olds if there are no "babies" around and this little snotty boy turned to her and said "Your not my friend". I know kids do that, but still it took be by surprise. Of course she didn't have a clue, but someday she will and I worry that it will crush her. My older two got daddy's shyness and I never really had to deal with such. Part of me wanted her to tell that kid to stick it and part of me wanted her to run. I can only imagine this will get much worse. But honestly since your son (and my daughter) are so friendly maybe they won't be the snotty kid being mean.

[portlowski]

I am raising an only child, and there was never any question of whether we would adopt again. I am 44, soon to be 45, so we know we are done. I do wish I had started earlier so we could have 2, but I am not beating myself up over it.

My dad is an only child and I recently made a video for his 70th birthday. I came across dozens and dozens of pictures with him and his parents...on vacation, playing with the family dog, going on walks, at the ocean, having birthday parties etc. I was struck by how happy they all looked and by the immense love my grandparents had for him. I know my grandmother had a subsequent miscarriage, almost died and was told to have no more children. My dad was so close to his parents and they doted on us...their only grandchildren. My grandparents were there for every holiday, every graduation, soccer games, school plays, you name it. And my dad loved spending time with them. They all got along soo well. They are my inspiration for raising a happy only child. And my dad turned out pretty great, a faithful husband, hands-on dad, all around good guy.

My DH and I are excited that with one child we will be more "portable" and be able to have lots of adventures that familes with multiple kids just can't do due to finances and logisitcs. DS has already been to Wisconsin, Michigan, Florida, Nebraska, Iowa, Tennessee, Kentucky and Georgia...and we are taking him to Oregon this summer. That would be really hard with multiple kids.

[Stormster]

Thanks everyone....Port that is a great story! I wish I could just let that sink in but once in a while I see a sib group and E just looks so alone!

And if I'm totally honest I am also scared that I won't do a good enough job keeping him in the social loop because I myself love to be alone with my family a lot.

My sister, who is totally different has soooo many friends it seems their house is always full. We do have friends but no close ones with kids his age *due to our age and so it's not exactly ideal.

Still, I do try to focus on the positives including having the time and energy to focus, not miss much, meet his needs at the time. Also, I'm not sure how to address his bio sibs but he DOES have sibs and i'm hoping he can have a relationship with them!