[crick]

A friend and I were discussing a topic this morning and I thought I'd post it to see different points of view.

"Do we as parents expect our adopted children to be eligible for "special treatment" just because they were adopted?"

For example, should there be scholarships available to children who were adopted, just because of the adoption?

We talk all the time how there are no differences or very little difference anyway in regards to our children compared to biological children. Yet, are there times or situations that call for "extra" or "special notice" of things because of it? A bio child with no specific academic achievement, handicap, sports/music etc. would not likely qualify for a scholarship. Yet, a child with the same situations might qualify for one because they were adopted.

Thoughts?

[hopingforachild]

Okay, my opinion may change after I take my walk and think more about this, but my first thought was why not? There are lots of scholarships out there that are specific to certain situations that are determined by the founder of the scholarship--not necessarily need or achievement based. For example, a family provides a scholarship in memory of their daughter who was a single mother returning to nursing school. (I have seen this) Can be awarded to anyone in the program that meets this criteria. People establish scholarships for those situations that hold a special place in their heart. Generally, these are not large scholarships.

I do not think it should be "expected," but if it is out there, certainly you should attempt to access it.

My perspective is that of someone in a match. I am not currently parenting an adopted child---maybe a parent can provide a different insight.

Interesting topic, can't wait to see other's opinions.

[fisbaby]

This is an interesting topic, another example might be the "Celebrating Adoptions" photo shoots. I know I took up the offer and loved it but your question makes you think. I want my little ones to be "normal" in everything so why any special treatment b/c of adoption. However, typically a lot more money is spent to adopt so things like the photo shoot are nice to have and save a little money on. I agree with the pp regarding scholarships, there are tons out there specialized so if someone wants to, I say why not. I don't expect it either but if someone wants to offer the money for that it's their right. I, too, am interested to hear feedback on this one.

[DannieAS]

I'm also not a parent yet, however, I don't think it's "expected" but having gone to Universities for both undergrad and grad....there are scholarships for EVERYTHING so a person can take their pick.

So again I don't know....I don't think it's expected, but if it's out there, why would applying for that be any different than applying to another scholarship foundation because I'm "Cuban-American" or because my parents only made a certain amount of money, or because of my specific Church denomination etc. etc. etc.

[feelingreyt]

I want all of my children to be treated equally. However, one will be rewarded for this and another for that, and the other for something else. They are unique, have different qualities and so on. When it comes time to start looking into college, I'm going to explore every avenue possible for all my children.
My bioDD may get a scholarship because she is very smart. My bioson may get one because he is athletic, my ason may get one for all those reasons, or he may get one because he's adopted. Who knows! But if the opportunity is there, I will jump on it!

[sbaglio]

I don't think that my daughter should receive special treatment because she is adopted. Had I biological children as well, I would want all of my children to be treated equally.

[devildogwife]

I'm with Fadzi. I don't think he deserves special treatment because of his adoption. He already receives special consideration, I could say, because of his heart defect. But this is the same consideration that all really sick, medically fragile children receive. I also know in the future he'll be eligible for scholarships because he is Native American.

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

I don't think that my daughter should receive special treatment because she is adopted. Had I biological children as well, I would want all of my children to be treated equally.

Would you apply for a scholarship based only on the fact she is adopted? Or would you pass on that? Just curious!
I, personally, would want my ds to apply. Just like I would want my bios to apply for any scholarships they may qualify for.

[bethy724]

Special treatment? I'd like to be treated equally but that's another post. No I don't think a child should get special treatment for being adopted. If an older child is adopted from foster care I think it's a different story-they are wards of the state until the adoption & the state does owe them SOMETHING.

[mommamarci]

Short answer, no. My kids are not adopted. They were adopted. It happened one time. It is not the definition of their life. We are proud of it and our children will always know they were adopted, but they should not be treated differently as a result. It seems silly to me when looked at this way: "Only children born via C-Section may apply for this scholarship." Would anyone ever do that? Why should adoption be different? It is simply another means of a child entering a family.

The only area I expect different treatment is with regards to medical care. I feel we should get a little extra attention and softer guidelines concerning whether or not to order tests because we don't have much family background. My pediatrician is great. If she sees even one sign of something, she suggests testing to make sure since we don't know. Whereas with other kids, she might wait for 2 signs before ordering the test. (She is up front about this with us and we always choose to err on the side of caution and get whatever test.)

[fisbaby]

[quote=mommamarci]Short answer, no. My kids are not adopted. They were adopted. It happened one time. It is not the definition of their life. We are proud of it and our children will always know they were adopted, but they should not be treated differently as a result. It seems silly to me when looked at this way: "Only children born via C-Section may apply for this scholarship." Would anyone ever do that? Why should adoption be different? It is simply another means of a child entering a family.

QUOTE]

So do this mean you also would not take advantage of other things that are related specifically to children who joined your family through adoption, such as the "Celebrating Adoptions" photo shoots? It makes me no difference either way, just curious!

[bethy724]

I don't believe adopted chidlren deserve special treatment but if it's out there I'd take advantage of it.

I COMPLETLY agree that MEDICALLY adopted children should be treated differently (not necessarily special) between an MD & family. There are so many unanswered questions about my son's biology if there were tests I believe they should be made available. One thing I only found out by a bad bloodwork (that looked like cancer) was that my son had the sickle cell trait-VERY important information that took a few tests a biological child may not have.

[ourdreamcametru]

My first thought is no, we want our adopted child to be treated equally to our bio children BUT...... having just sent our first off to college this past Aug. and dealing with all the different scholorships I know that there is one for almost everything! He is ADD and was able to get money based on this--a small amount but hey, every penny counts. Our 15 year old plans to join the Marines so he will no doubt get money for that so why shouldn't there be money set aside for children who are adopted? I don't want her picked out because she is adopted but I would take advantage of some things. A good example of special treatment happened to me at Walmart just last week, Castle was acting up, as she seems to be doing a lot here lately. I gave her several warnings about putting stuff in the cart when I wasn't looking and told her the next time she did it she was going to have to get in the basket and ride. Well, she did it again and I put her in the basket. Of course she started crying and screaming but I just went on with my shopping. A lady, mid 50's, whom I had just talked with at the McDonalds in the store over lunch and told that Castle was adopted, happened to be standing there. She had the nerve to say to me, "How can you find it in yourself to make SOMEONE ELSES CHILD cry like that!!!!!, HER MOTHER WOULD BE BESIDE HERSELF IF SHE SAW HER CHILD TREATED THAT WAY" I was without words for about two seconds and then I let her have it! I explained that she was MY child and that I was her MOTHER and that I would raise my child the way I saw fit as I am sure she had done with hers and then stormed off. The nerve of people.

[DianeS]

Good question!

No, I don't think that there should be special advantages or special treatment available to those who were adopted, IF we are talking about institutional advantages. Like I don't think tax monies should be used for such an advantage- no questions about adoption should be on Pell Grant forms or IRS forms or WIC forms, for example.

But if an individual has $1,000 and they want to spend it by giving it to someone to help pay for that someone's schoooling, well that individual can put any restrictions on that money that they want. If they want to only give it to a 19 year old woman who was born in September who has red hair that she's dyed blonde and knows how to pronounce "stethescope" in Swahili - then so be it. The same thing goes for scholarships for people who were adopted. As long as it's a private individual or group handing it out, I have no problem with it.

So my vote would be - there should not be institutional or government advantages given to those who were adopted, but if such an advantage is offered by a private individual or group then I have no problem with it being offered or with somebody taking advantage of it.

(Like a pp, I have different feelings about those who qualify for something based on time spent in foster care in the USA and whether or not they were adopted subsequent to that time in foster care. THAT is a different subject entirely in my opinion.)

[loveajax]

Hmmmm....I got a scholarship for $1000 for writing an essay about seat belts (!). I think savvy parents look for scholarships for anything. As someone said, the founders have their own reasons for forming scholarships...I remember in law school there was a scholarship for "Jeffs" started by two guys named Jeff!

I don't expect "special treatment" for DD's being adopted. But if I saw a scholarship opportunity that she would qualify for, I would push her to apply for it.