[akcskye]

It's about my parenting.

Not saying it's justifiable by this, so don't get me wrong...but living with constant pain daily in my lower back, coupled with kids not paying attention to what I have to say (at 12 and 13, you'd think they could remember to bring their glasses home from school or coats, right?), I am becoming very "sharp tongued" and I don't want my kids to fear me having a wrath if they say the wrong thing or scratch their bottom at the wrong time, you know?

I will be starting that stupid prozac stuff again this Friday, and it did help...but I want to not have to take that stuff and be the nice person I've always been.

I still am nice...but lately, things are just too much and I am very short tempered...something which I never am.

Whether you think I want to hear it or not, please tell me ways that I can cope and de-stress that will help me along with the medicine I will be taking.

Like I said, I want my kids to continue to love me, not fear what I may say.

Thanks!

[lucyjoy]

Are you familiar with Parenting With Love and Logic? They have some great "one liners" to help with those situations that make you want to scream and pull your hair out. Kid forgot there glasses? "bummer" (If you need to get them to prevent damage to them then still "bummer" followed by the child doing something for YOU to make up for the time. It helps us as parents stop lecturing or being sharp tongued and it helps kids learn to make better choices. Might be worth looking at.

12/13 year olds tend to test our patience a great deal just because there at an age of change. Hope you feel better soon.

[greenrobin]

Chronic pain causes stress, stress causes anxiety and anxiety leads to more pain. But of course, you already know that.

The thing is that you are only human and you have reached your limit. While you may not like the Prozac, if it helps, it helps. My husband calls it better living through chemistry.

Tweens and early teens really do have brain based lunacy. I am not kidding. I teach 7th graders. Ath this time in their lives, it's like their brains are Swiss cheese and they forget everything--I have found kids wandering in our halls at school trying to remember where they're going--at that was this week! I've read that the brain is paring away old connectors that are unused and creating "space" for new stuff. It causes the confusion and smart-mouth apparently.

Aside from your pain being a little north of where teens and tweens usually cause it, your reaction probably isn't too far out of the norm!

Seriously, if you've come to the point of needing meds to get your life back, then you also need to be forgiving to yourself about your "sharp tongue." Pain will do that to you. We'd all love to be wonderful, nurturning, supportive parents 24/7, but we're human. Read the books and take the meds, take time for yourself now and then. It all works together. If you leave out one component, the whole thing gets out of balance.

I hope your medication works well and quickly so that your can get back to being the parent you want to be.

[mommieof2cuties]

What about talking to someone once a week? Also I am huge on having children talk to someone also, adopted, foster, or birthed, teens also, sometimes talking to someone not related can help with issues. If you broke the arm you would get it fixed, so if you hurt your back and even mind you need to get that fixed

[JPDakota]

In my experience, chronic pain causes reactions to be a little more "dramatic" than they normally would be. But here's the thing about meds - nobody thinks its bad for a diabetic to use insulin or someone with migraines to take Imatrex. But when it comes to meds that fix our brain chemistry, suddenly the world thinks its horrible. I don't get it, honestly. One is just as much necessary as the other.
About the tween/teen drama, just keep remembering that most of the time it isn't you. It isn't even really them. it is the development state their at. Love and Logic seems like an accepted approach. Not there yet with my DD, so I can't speak from experience.
Good luck!

[yehudit]

First of all, are you in treatment for the pain? Are you in counselling in addition to prozac? Do you have a partner who can take up some of the slack while you deal with yourself? Do your kids know about your pain? If they do, do they "understand" chronic pain?

One thought is you could use this as an opportunity to build empathy. Have them hold an ice cube in one hand for a minute or two -- do not let them put the ice down. This should give them a taste of discomfort and might help them "get" what you are going through. Even better, have your spouse, partner, or a friend do it.

Good luck,

[missywojo]

Hi Dear! I also live with chronic low back pain. It is horrible. Like some of the other ladies asked, are you getting treatment for it? Have tried the epidural steroid injections? I was very skeptical of them because they didn't help me in the past, but this time around they do. Feel free to PM me.

IMO, you need to treat the back pain, then the other stuff may fall into place a little easier.

Also, my DH takes Wellbutrin for depression and anxiety and I am so happy he does. He is a million times nicer to be around. I wonder if your family may feel the same way when you are on the Prozac. Depression and anxiety runs in DH's family -- just the way it is, so why feel bad about taking meds???? When I was a social worker, I would tell my clients to try to think of it like diabeties or heart problems. You would take your insulin or your other meds.

Good luck dear. I wouldn't wish back pain on my worse enemy!

[kretzklan]

This age is giving me chronic pain...
We do love and logic with him adjusted to fit our needs. Basically, I sat down with him one day and asked how I could help him? Meaning, will a morning reminder to look at your planner be helpful? A text to get at the end of school if there is something you are supposed to do? Something simple and kind for me to offer...besides that - I'm letting him fail. If he forgets a book or assignment - bummer...work it out with the teacher to get your grade up. He doesn't take a coat and that stops that problem (no kid ever died of a cold walk to school). He has expectations for his grades and if anything is happening that will take him below that point, it is to be discussed with us and the teacher early and often - simply getting a report card with the 'bad grade' will result in consequences that have previously been laid out.
Sometimes we take a brain break. I get his cell phone, computer, tv, xbox and for a day or two...he has to chill with nothing. He can watch with us (mostly sports)...play in the yard. Arrange to hang out with friends by (gasp) calling them on an actual phone. That is the answer for us if things get bad...once your brain is rested, it generally remembers things better!

[startedover]

I have never taken prozac but Cymbalta saved my life. I have chronic pain and if I wasn't snapping at someone I was getting to that point I either was crying or wanted to. I literally became a new person on Cymbalta. It treats chronic pain, anxiety and depressiong (which I wasn't even aware I was having until I was a nice person again). Anyway if the prozac didn't give you results you wanted the first time, maybe you could ask about cymbalta or something else. Good luck

[joskids]

Girlfriends who are adoptive mothers are my best support (and pitchers full of Margaritas)!!

Caught my 10 year old daughter today in her brother's underpants because "they were in my drawer so I thought they were mine." WHAT??? Is it me or is that enough to send a mother over the edge???? I suggested that could be a problem for her if her "monthly" started (will be happening soon) at school and she's wearing boy underpants. GEESH!!!!!!!!!!

[akcskye]

Hey all, thank you for the advice about Parenting with Love and Logic...I will definitely be looking into that.

As for those that asked me what type of treatment I'm receiving...here we go.

1. Chiropractor: Spinal decompression
2. Pain Management: Caudal Nerve Block (steroid injections into my back, every 3 months)
3. Pain medication: ultram (non-narcotic, aka: Tramadol, 50mg), Meloxicam (arthritis medication 15 mg) and then the Prozac (depression medication, aka: fluoxetine, 5 mg) for depression and pain. I am very much a light weight when it comes to medication, so we always have to start me out low, and if it doesn't work (rare), increase.

The shot I had on the 27th of April did not work. They gave me 4 injections...I don't know why...and then it did not work.

When it works, it's great...doesn't take all the pain away, but I can function. The only drawback is it makes me PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Bad enough I have uterine fibroids and PCOS...the fibroids have my uterus about the size of a 10 week pregnancy, and those who have been pregnant know how often they pee during that time of a pregnancy.

I literally drink a bottle of water, pee it out, drink a bottle of water, pee it out...I probably visit the restroom every 15 minutes!

Then, of course, working undoes the work the chiropractor does...so now I've gone back on a leave of absence and this time, gonna take 6 months off to make SURE I'm back in line.

I'm also going to look at other job opportunities that use my brain more than my body (I work at Papa John's locally, and do all that physical work...bending, stooping, twisting...shoot, even spinning the pizzas is more difficult for me because the counters are too high and my reach is too short...haha)

I will definitely check into the Cymbalta just to see about the pain + depression combination if the Prozac doesn't work.

I was a bad girl...I felt better then quit taking it. I didn't believe that stuff about take it for a long time whether you need it or not...now I do.

I am going to be going to Surgical Technology school this fall, so I want to make sure I'm in check mentally and physically. That is what I want to do with my life, and I want my kids to see the changes an education can make.

No longer will I be some "jack of all trades, master of none"...I'll have an industry specific certification in a very needed profession, and my pay opportunities will increase dramatically (at least, compared to a pizza cook's job haha)

So anyway, thank you very much, and I'm definitely open to any and all things you have to add to the conversation...it DOES help.

[hrisme]

Kristi, I teach preschool. At most I have an 8 hour day before I send the kids home. Right now there are a couple kids I've been quite sharp with. Nothing major, mind you, just not the responsive person I usually am--when I have to tell a five year old seven times to put his shoes on I get cranky. It happens to us all.

What's helped for me is to realize that this is an illness, not a personality trait. As my psychiatrist says, "This is not you, it's your brain." The meds are there to help you become who you really are, that nice person you've always been.

It's also helped me to talk with the kids (and, in my case, with their parents). I've explained to them that sometimes I've very tired and it makes me "frustrated" when they don't listen. I let them know that I need their help, but I also make sure not to blame them for "misbehaving" since it's usually normal kid stuff. When I'm sharp with them, I apologize. This is dramatically different than what most teachers do, I've had many parents point that out, but I made the decision based on my belief that children need to see adults dealing with conflict in a healthy way. I could try to hide it, but kids are smart, they pick up on things--by addressing it I show them how to deal with their own "strong" (not bad) feelings.

Relaxation techniques can help. Deep breathing, visualization, and progressive muscle relaxation. I'll put a plug in for my current favorite relaxation site (in part because I helped with it!)

Personal Counseling - Other Services

Excersise also is vital--even a short walk, or 10-15 minutes of gentle yoga, can make a dramatic difference in your mood. Sun is your friend, I make a point of spending at least half an hour outside in sunny weather. Eating healthy and frequently is also a good idea, low blood sugar plays a big part in irritability for me. Three meals a day isn't enough, I need healthy snacks every 3-4 hours to stay stable.

Dealing with chronic pain is hard, after living with it for about two weeks straight during a period of high stress I told my therapist I preferred the depression over the pain--and that's saying a lot! Just make sure to take time to pamper yourself, you'll be a better mom when you're taking care of your needs rather than "loosing yourself" in your children, job, etc.

[jaenelle]

Yes, the pain tends to make anything that is wrong worse... slows me down physically so things like housework suffer, makes me jumpy and irritable some days, sooooo tired others.

I think others have given you great advice... basically, do whatever you need to in order to feel better.

*hugs*