[crick]

While I'm not rehashing another thread, a topic did come up on it that I found interesting. I wanted to explore it a bit more.

I don't have bio children, so I can't say I'm more protective of my achildren than bchildren. I do though think at times I'm more protective than some of my kids' friends parents or family and I wonder if it's because we adopted or if I'm simply just that parent regardless.

I do feel that one element that makes me more protective does relate to the fact that my kids were older children and came from foster care. Many elements there did affect how we parented and still do parent today. However...that doesn't make up the entire bulk of our parenting so it isn't necessarily just adoption.

Thoughts?

And remember...it's not about if you love your child as much as a bio...that's not in question at all.

[tweetybirdus]

Well, I think, for me, it's my parenting style. Sometimes, I'm more protective than others I see, sometimes less. I think it also depends on the situation and the age of the child. I don't have biochildren so I don't know if adoption has anything to do with it. I do think that no matter how a child came to our family, I would have the same level of protectiveness (Is that a word?).

[Lorraine123]

In my case, yes, I am defniintely more protective. My daughter came from a horrendously abusive situation. While I knew abuse was out there, her background introduced me to a world that I didn't know existed. Or at least, I didn't know existed so close to me.

[Fran27]

I think the main difference is that with adoption, we're faced with circumstances that force us to be more protective (especially with transracial and older child adoption).

Personally, I don't think I'll be more protective of my kids than if I had given birth to them.

[devildogwife]

I am extremely protective and careful with Cameron. That is because of his heart though and the hell that we have all experienced since he was born. Not necessarily his adoption.

I'm also super protective because of some things in my DH's background, that I couldn't bear happening to my son. I've seen the effect on my DH, and don't want that pain for my son.

My parents are more protective with my new brother and sister than they were with the 3 of us bios. I think they just need it more right now than we ever did.

[Emster]

I think I am more protective than many parents I know, including my sisters and brother.

1. I am a first time parent
2. My son will be my only child, therefore I have only one chance to get it right
3. The fact that someone placed him with me does add the element that I need to fulfill not just my parenting expectations, but that someone else is counting on me as well.
4. I don't knwo all my son's history regarding family allergies, genetics, etc, so I was less willing to take some chances with different foods, etc when he was littler
5. I have to approach things with my son differently than other parents with their bio children because just by nature, adoptive parenting and bio parenting are not the same.

[arkansas parent]

I have a bio daugher and two adopted sons. I am a protective mom to all my kids. I am starting to ease up on our daughter a little because she is a teenager.

[Fe2002]

Originally Posted by tweetybirdus

Well, I think, for me, it's my parenting style. Sometimes, I'm more protective than others I see, sometimes less. I think it also depends on the situation and the age of the child. I don't have biochildren so I don't know if adoption has anything to do with it. I do think that no matter how a child came to our family, I would have the same level of protectiveness (Is that a word?).

Same here... it's my parenting style. I learned it from the best though! My mother was a bit overprotective and while it annoyed me as a kid, I see how my cousins turned out. I had aunts who just threw caution to the wind with their kids.

I do have limits though... I refuse to walk my 17 yr. old DD to the bus stop on her first day at a new school and then proceed to ask the other high school teenagers AND the bus driver to "look out" for her.

[portlowski]

By nature, I don't think I am overprotective. I really believe in giving kids a lot of freedom. I love the idea of "free range" kids. but I agree with emster...my son's birthparents entrusted me with their most precious gift. If anything ever happened to him, I would have to deal with my own grief PLUS the fact that I let them down. It's almost too much to think about. So I believe I am more protecytive than I would be if I had a biological child.

Still, I hope to be able to balance safety and common sense with the freedom to explore and discover on his own.

Speaking of which...have any of you ever checked out the free range kids website? Very interesting stuff...

[Beth.]

I think that I'm a better mom than I would have been with bios. Because I have spent so much time reading and researching "adoptive parenting," I have learned a lot about "parenting" along the way. My eyes have also been opened to all of the bad things that happen to kids from being a part of communities like this one. I am a lot more vigilant about what my kid is and isn't exposed because of it.

I'm also now comfortable removing myself and my family from some of those yucky family situations we have that I have never really been comfortable about. I feel better empowered to say "no" to "family obligations" when I know it's not in the best interest of my family.

Now, if by some grace of God and a couple of miracle later we were blessed with a surprise bio, I would certainly parent that child with the same amount of vigilance.

[Steph-Jason]

I don't know... I'm pretty protective. I don't have a bio child so I"m not sure if I'd be more or less protective. Sometimes I think it's just my nature & sometimes I think it's dealing with m/c that's made me extra careful with things. Sometimes I also think it's because I love DD SO VERY MUCH that the thought of anything happening is more than I can handle.

[missywojo]

I am not a parent yet, but am an ex-social worker/counselor and IMO all of our life experiences effect how we handle all situations, like how we parent--whether you are conscious of those experiences' effects or not. Going through the experiences (infertility, miscarriages, long waits for adoption, etc.) we did to get here have to effect us, which in turn effects how we parent.

I hope that by the time we adopt, I am not too over-protective. But I can see that I have potential for that. I don't think that others, unless they have been in our shoes, can fully comprehend that either.

I don't think it's Bio v. Adopted, as much as I think it is the experiences that finally led up to us finally getting a baby after a multi-year journey.

[missywojo]

Originally Posted by Beth.

I think that I'm a better mom than I would have been with bios. Because I have spent so much time reading and researching "adoptive parenting," I have learned a lot about "parenting" along the way.

I agree with this too.

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Originally Posted by portlowski

By nature, I don't think I am overprotective. I really believe in giving kids a lot of freedom. I love the idea of "free range" kids. but I agree with emster...my son's birthparents entrusted me with their most precious gift. If anything ever happened to him, I would have to deal with my own grief PLUS the fact that I let them down. It's almost too much to think about. So I believe I am more protecytive than I would be if I had a biological child.

Still, I hope to be able to balance safety and common sense with the freedom to explore and discover on his own.

Speaking of which...have any of you ever checked out the free range kids website? Very interesting stuff...

I do agree that I am probably more protective of my daughter than a lot of other parents; I also believe that was the way I was raised, and because of that, how I will parent. DH was raised the same way! Our poor daughter has 2 overprotective parents!

I have checked out the "free range" website; definitely not my kind of parenting style!

I believe that kids need/crave having boundaries and need to know rules and have limits; I also believe that our "jobs" as parents is to be around to guide our children, which means "being there" is so many different aspects. Different parenting works differently for everybody...did that even make sense? LOL

Anyway, just my $.02

[EZ2Luv]

As an adoptee who had the best parents in the world and a mther to my biochildren I can only hope to be like my parents. I won't go so far to say over protective, but they were very in tune with our needs, wants and desires,

I also thing that parenting styles are contingent on if the child was adopted from foster care, older or came with issues. This has so much to do with how protective a parent is. We know our children best and it makes no difference how God blessed us with them.

EZ