[SupaModel]

I am watching TV this morning and they are talking about the controversy of her adopting again from Malawi. This girl she's adopting now BP's are not in the picture. Her bmom died and BF hasn't been heard of. Apparently her Bgrandmother said she won't let the little girl go.

My question is if the bgrandma feels that way then why is the little girl in the orphanage (sp?)? And if Madonna doesn't adopt her then what will happen to this child if she stays there?? I am not saying tha Madonna doesn't get the laws bend to her favor and that's not right BUT if she does adopt the child she will be able to provide a better life than she would get there.

How do you feel?

[manni28]

Supamodel:

The same similar thing happened with her son. He was in an orphanage( the mom had died) and the father didn't want him to be adopted. It was later found out that dad had remarried and was expecting a child with his new wife. I'm assuming he was going to let the child be raised in the orphanage while he lived his own life with his new family. I think in this case it can be one of two things; 1) grandma wants publicity and some coins from Madonna 2) placing a child in an orphanage is the only way for a parent to provide for the child without them living with the parent/relative. In most third world countries orphanages are like foster care.

Either way I wish Madonna the best.

-Manni

[OakShannon]

I don't know about this situation specifically. But I have heard that in some places, very poor families sometimes place a child in an orphanage because it is a way of ensuring that their child receives an education and has their basic needs met. In those circumstances, the family may visit and maintain contact with their child. It's a horrible choice for a family to be faced with. But should they lose their child completely as a result?

An orphanage is no place for a child to grow up. In some countries, they are truly awful. I don't know what they are like in Malawi. But it truly bothers me when a person from a wealthy Western country can come and remove a child from their home country over the objections of that child's family.

I also know that the agency who did our homestudy would never approve a mere mortal who was so recently divorced. One would think that she and her children had enough to deal with right now.

[JenC]

First, my reply is based on if everything they are reporting (what you said above) is actually true - not calling you a liar by any means...just the media doesn't report the whole truth sometimes.

It is entirely possible for children to be in orphanages in Africa and not be eligible for adoption. Perhaps gma is hoping to be able to care for her eventually or is trying to find a family member to care for her? Like mentioned above, perhaps it's a way to meet her needs and still have family contact. We don't know. (Nor should details of her family situation be broadcast by media all over the place)

About what's best/a better life...it really bothers me when people assume that international adoption would be better for a child than having family in their birth country. International adoption should (IMO) always be a last resort. Losing your culture and country, along with your family, is a HUGE loss. Like OakShannon said, an orphanage is no place for a child to grow up and a family is always, always, always a better option than an orphanage. It sounds like this little one has family in her country that doesn't want to relinquish her for internation adoption. That should be the end of it, IMO.

[SupaModel]

I guess when I hear about all the diseases and proverty that's killings the people of Malawi I think having a chance to come over here would be a better situation for her. Also this child would have the best education and opportunity that money can buy. Maybe with all that she could always come back later and help her country.

I haven't adopted Intl and of course I am no expert but this is just my JMHO.

[MamaS]

There are two uncles and an aunt. The aunt was quoted as saying she had told the orphanage they would "be back to get the girl when she was six. Then she would be old enough to work."!!
I hope Madonna succeeds.

[GoddessDanu]

Originally Posted by JenC

About what's best/a better life...it really bothers me when people assume that international adoption would be better for a child than having family in their birth country. International adoption should (IMO) always be a last resort. Losing your culture and country, along with your family, is a HUGE loss.

I completely agree with you. I just read an article this morning that says an adoption agency in England has been trying to get this same message across to Madonna but of course she's not listening. It's a bit arrogant of Westerners to think that living in America (or England) is better than staying in Africa, where the child would be with his relatives, culture, language, etc. YES, there are situations where it would be better to take the child out of his country but that's not what the Madonna issue sounds like. It sounds like she doesn't like being told "no" so now she's going to get her way no matter what.

[SupaModel]

The U.N. estimates that half of the 1 million Malawian children with one or no parents was orphaned by AIDS, and that the virus that causes AIDS has infected 14 percent of adults there. Of the population of 13 million, 65 percent live below the poverty line, and most of those living in poverty are women. Also this child has been in the orphanage for YEARS!

I'm having a hard time understanding why it wouldn't be better having the child live here? By no means am I "fan " of Madonna but to say that the child should stay there in the orphange just to learn her culture is beyond me. I see lots of people that come from poor countries that are very thankful for the opportunity to come here and get better education, job etc...

I also saw something on the lost boys of Sudan who are here with adopted families and doing extremely well. Should they have been left behind?

Maybe I am just missing the point.

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Originally Posted by SupaModel

The U.N. estimates that half of the 1 million Malawian children with one or no parents was orphaned by AIDS, and that the virus that causes AIDS has infected 14 percent of adults there. Of the population of 13 million, 65 percent live below the poverty line, and most of those living in poverty are women. Also this child has been in the orphanage for YEARS!

I'm having a hard time understanding why it wouldn't be better having the child live here? By no means am I "fan " of Madonna but to say that the child should stay there in the orphange just to learn her culture is beyond me. I see lots of people that come from poor countries that are very thankful for the opportunity to come here and get better education, job etc...

I also something on the lost boys of Sudan who are here with adopted families and doing extremely well. Should they have been left behind?

Maybe I am just missing the point.

I have to 100% agree with you. I will never agree that it is better for a child to stay in an orphange over having a loving family that can provide for them in every single way that a child deserves. I will never, ever think that it is in a child's best interst to grow up in an orphange with Lord knows, how many other kids. If members of her family can step up and properly take care of her then great, but why is it, just now, that people are stepping forward trying to "claim" her. Where have they been the first 3 years of her life?

[sbaglio]

This goes into some of the issues being discussed...

Children best raised in their own environment, charity says - CNN.com

[Stormster]

Why is she so dead set on THIS child? Why doesn't she adopt out of American foster care (or another country, or another child!)? It sounds like maybe she wants her son David to have a sister who was also born in Malawi.... I too think this reeks of rich Westerner wanting her way and money trumping all else. I mean gosh she's Madonna! Can't she do an adoption where the family is willing to relinquish? What is this little girl going to think when she finds out her grandma wanted her?

I certainly wouldn't want to adopt under these circumstances. I guarantee this child looks like David or "appeals" to Madonna on some level!

Sorry that was strong but no time to go back an edit!

[Fran27]

I'm just mixed up on the whole thing. Having Madonna for mom and the whole world knowing your face doesn't sound so exciting if you ask me. Sure it sounds awful to have to work at 6, but it's their culture, what right do we have to intervene, at least when they still have some family?

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Why is she so dead set on THIS child? Why doesn't she adopt out of American foster care (or another country, or another child!)? It sounds like maybe she wants her son David to have a sister who was also born in Malawi.... I too think this reeks of rich Westerner wanting her way and money trumping all else. I mean gosh she's Madonna! Can't she do an adoption where the family is willing to relinquish? What is this little girl going to think when she finds out her grandma wanted her?

I certainly wouldn't want to adopt under these circumstances. I guarantee this child looks like David or "appeals" to Madonna on some level!

Sorry that was strong but no time to go back an edit!

I don't think it was strong at all. No need to edit

My question is does the Gma really want her (again she has been at orphanage for 3 years) OR does that fact that one of the richest woman in world wants the child and the $$$ comes in to play?

I think this sword cuts both ways. Sure Madonna is probaly getting away with more than we could BUT also no matter who she adopts it's gonna be a situation like this. There always gonna be some family member etc... crawling out of the wood work looking for a pay out.

[DannieAS]

too many intricate details that I'm sure the media doesn't tell us about.

One thing that makes me nervous regardless of who wants to adopt and why....

is the fact that they are waiting to put this 6 year old to work....uh what kind of work? Would it eventually lead to "work" that includes prostitution/sexual types of situations? not to be a downer but it does happen in many countries where children do not have homes.

This is why some people prefer to adopt internationally because the outlook is very bleak for those who don't find homes....

not for or against....and this may not be the case....but my thoughts.

[sbaglio]

I'll try to explain the grandmother's rationale (though I don't know her from Adam, I'm also African, so have some insight into what I think she might be thinking):

Adoption outside of one's family is quite taboo in much of Africa. Usually there are numerous extended family members who can take in a child. Of course, when times are tough, or when there is some sort of stigma attached to the child or his/her parents (like AIDS), some would prefer that the child be cared for by someone else, or in an orphanage, or they don't care at all.

While David Banda's father agreed to the adoption, many of his statements (from what I saw in the media) suggested that he didn't see the adoption as something final, and maybe that was how he was able to justify it to himself and his family. He talked about David being able to have a good education overseas, and that he would come back one day and help his biological family. I'm not certain that he knew what he was getting himself into when he signed on with Madonna.

It might be considered selfish by some, but having that girl staying in the country of her birth, even in dire circumstances, is what many there would rather see. No mind that she would have a "better" life oevrseas - she would lose her culture, her language, her roots. For some, nothing is worth that loss, even if she has to remain in an orphanage. And I grew up with a myriad of impressions about living in the West (most of which have thankfully been debunked) that I'm sure this grandmother is thinking about.

I'm not saying it's right or fair - it just is.

What I'm more worried about is what kind of environment that chidl will grow up in. I'm a HUGE Madonna fan (surprise, surprise...), but it really irked me that she and Guy Ritchie put on this front of a happy home during David's adoption process, and as soon as it was finalized, they called it quits. Now he's from a broken home. Madonna is galavanting around with transitory men half her age - maybe I shouldn't judge, but with children being involved, I feel fine doing so.

*jumping off my soapbox now*