[huggableteach]

So my husband's brother and his parents have been estranged for about a year now. Apparently today my husband's father emailed my husband's brother about the importance of them reconnecting because he has given them the only "real" grandchildren they will ever have. Now granted we don't have our future son or daughter yet, but I'm pretty sure that when we do he or she won't be a "fake" child. I'm having a hard enough time enduring waiting to be matched, I'm not sure I have enough energy to think of my child's grandparents treating him or her as a second class citizen. Now granted they may change their tune when our child is in their arms, on the other hand maybe my husband's brother has the right idea in cutting ties with them. Feeling hurt (and lucky that MY mom is the person that she is.)

[TxMom65]

I hope they do change their hearts. If not, they wouldn't have any "fake" grandkids if it were me.

[gwenrenee007]

I'm sorry it really does hurt. I have been in a similar situation. My FIL finally after 10 yrs decided to take MIL's wedding ring (she has been deceased for 10 yrs) and have it made into necklaces for my partner and her sis. My partner received the smaller diamond while my SIL received the larger diamond and the 3 smaller diamonds too because "they represented the 3 grandchildren." Mind you she has 5 children - 3 bio, 2 adopted and we have 1 dd - adopted. I have never been so hurt. It solidified that he doesn't think of our dd as a "real" grandchild. Whatever, they are terrible grandparents and are more concerned with golfing, being in Florida, and doing things with their friends than seeing us or our dd. So in reality they are the "fake" ones. I see it as their loss because they don't get to have our wonderful daughter in their lives and know her like real grandparents would.

[portlowski]

I agree that this is terribly hurtful to yo and your future child...but I will also believe that as adoptive parents (especially if you have been through infertility) we have had the chance to grieve our lost fertility and put the idea of a biological child to rest. When we come to the idea of adoption (hopefully) we have educated ourselves and fully embrace our children as if they had been born to us. but the other family members haven't had a chance to go through that journey so they can be insensitive.

A little education and the love of a child may change their feelings...if not, you are well within your rights to limit your contact with them!

[kittymom]

A friend of ours said to my MIL, "I heard about K and D adopting, aren't you excited?" MIL said, in a very unexcited voice, "Yeah, but it would be better if they were having one of their own."

Based on that and other evidence, we think she won't feel the same way about our adopted child as she does about her biological grandchildren. But she's not that great of a grandmother anyway, and if she treats our children differently, it will be her own loss.

[SupaModel]

I think you said that you guys don't have your children yet? If so then I would think once he/she is here they will definitely change my their tune. Well hopefully at least. I know everyone in our families (both sides) treat DS like he's our bio child. No one has ever made a "real" comment or at least not that I have heard. I will say before he came in MIL was making to comments to SIL saying she hoped we weren't getting a crack baby and worried about stuff like that. I was worried that she would be a mess towards DS but when he got here she is soooo in love with him and he is definitely her gandchild.

[nikkianni]

My Mom couldn't fathom why we wanted to adopt and just didn't know how she would feel about a baby that wasn't biologically part of the family.
That woman cried buckets from the time we found out DD had been born and for at least three weeks afterward. DD is the light of her life.
Children have a way of changing things. See what they act like when your child is a reality in their arms. If even then they aren't willing to accept their grandchild, that's their loss. Totally theirs.

[cetalley]

Originally Posted by huggableteach

So my husband's brother and his parents have been estranged for about a year now. Apparently today my husband's father emailed my husband's brother about the importance of them reconnecting because he has given them the only "real" grandchildren they will ever have. Now granted we don't have our future son or daughter yet, but I'm pretty sure that when we do he or she won't be a "fake" child. I'm having a hard enough time enduring waiting to be matched, I'm not sure I have enough energy to think of my child's grandparents treating him or her as a second class citizen. Now granted they may change their tune when our child is in their arms, on the other hand maybe my husband's brother has the right idea in cutting ties with them. Feeling hurt (and lucky that MY mom is the person that she is.)

Good morning Huggable, I would like to suggest simply, ignoring an e-mail that was not sent to offend you or your DH. This e-mail was sent to your BIL, and may have been meant in a very different way. I am a pro, at e-mail and saying something, that would indeed come out totally different if I were saying it face to face! I guess, as adults 'we all' make a statement, not knowing it is offensive or ignorant, or least NOT meaning it to be. Before" starting a war that is not needed", maybe this is food for thought. When "we" see a new baby or even an older baby/toddler, it is EXTREMELY hard to not fall in love with them and still think of them in 'real" terms. When I married the love of my life, a.k.a. Hottie, I inherited 3 of his children, then was blessed with 2 beautiful grandchildren....they are indeed REAL, and I was lucky enough to be chosen to inherit them as my grandchildren! Blessings, C.J.

[millie58]

I've had to tell my mother that my kids were real!! It's ignorance and/or meanness on their part.